If I Fail
by AtomicNebula13
Summary: Sanosuke is trying his best to prove his worth to Kaoru but she is too preoccupied with Kenshin.  What happens when Kenshin is no longer around?  Will Sano be able to pick up the pieces?  Alternate pairing SanoXKaoru  Rating due to violence, language,etc.
1. Chapter 1

Hello All!

Just a quick note before we begin, this story takes place after the Jinchu arc, from there it doesn't follow the timeline in the Rurouni Kenshin universe. I hope you enjoy it!

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**Chapter 1**

_**Frustration**_

The day was blazing, the sun had been beating down on the residents of the city for days now slowly baking everything causing the once lush green foliage to wither and become brown and brittle. It seemed they were all held in the unrelenting grasp of a severe heat wave, it brought the entire city to a near standstill and so far no silent amount of prayer was enough to bring them the desperate relief they needed.

Searching for some remedy to the blistering heat of the late afternoon the young man now found himself sitting on the shaded wooden porch of the dojo. Sano sat leaning against the wall, one leg bent at the knee the other sitting straight out in front of him. His right arm was draped across the raised knee, his head resting on the wall behind him. His eyes opened and closed slowly, lazily. As he sat he felt a few drops of sweat run down the back of his neck but he made no move to brush them away. The man knew that it would be in vain, as soon as he moved do so, accompanying droplets of moisture would snake their way across his heated skin. So, he decided to let it be.

Though Sano had always been partial to warm weather he truly hated days such as this. Where the stifling heat would hang stagnant in the air, no clouds in the sky to alleviate the intensity of the sun, even for a moment. It was too hot to do anything. He couldn't spend the day in the gambling house due to the weather, though he wouldn't have been able to do so anyway due to the perpetual state of his finances. He was flat broke... again. Which he would add was of no fault of his own. Sano had just hit a dry spell when it came to his luck as of late but he knew things would turn around. They always did.

Often times he would wonder if he should take up his job as Zanza, fighter-for-hire, again. The thought forced a wistful smile to sweep across his handsome face. It was the job he had held when he had first met the other residents of the dojo. He wouldn't mind doing it again because he really had made great money that way but he knew his friends wouldn't approve... she wouldn't approve. People that hired others to fight for them rarely did so for good reasons and were usually corrupt, too weak physically and morally to fight their own battles. Still, fighting was the only thing he knew how to do. The only thing he excelled at. He supposed he could try getting a job in manual labor... construction or something similar. And yet, he couldn't imagine himself ever earning an honest living. It was something he hadn't really thought of much in the past but as time passed he decided to take action, earn some money for the household and he knew it wasn't fair to sit around and free load all day. Not only that he didn't want to anymore… he wanted to be able to provide for her now. She had already done so much for him.

The tall youth closed his eyes once again as a breeze swept over the courtyard, causing the now fragile blades of grass to sway, and ruffling the soft brown hair on his head. Though the breeze wasn't exactly cool it still helped. Just having the air circulate and cut through the thick heat was like heaven. He savored the moment because the cooler air was so scant these days and he let a small sigh of pleasure escape his lips as the wind blew across him, caressing the heated skin of his face, neck, and bare chest. The wind caused the tails of his blood red headband to flutter out behind him.

As the wind died down, inviting the staggering heat to once again claim the afternoon Sano opened his eyes. He could hear the sounds of Kaoru and Yahiko sparring drifting from the dojo and he wondered how either one could stand such rigorous activity today. Ah, but then again, he knew, no matter what, Jou-chan would get into the dojo everyday to train Yahiko. It was what she loved, her passion. Daily she would work with the spiky haired brat teaching him the intricate kata that her father had once taught her. Yahiko's greatest dream was to become a great samurai and Kaoru would be the one to make that happen.

Sanosuke admired the art of the sword and the ideals that it represented but didn't feel it was for him. It was all a little too poetic for him, too many rules and principles to uphold. No, he preferred hand to hand combat more than any other form of battle. There was nothing that compared to punching a guys teeth right out his skull, it was satisfying, it was raw, it was powerful. Communicating through fists was something he could understand and appreciate.

He turned his head in the direction of the raucous noise he now heard coming from the dojo. Kaoru was yelling at Yahiko and he couldn't help but laugh quietly to himself. Yahiko had apparently performed a step wrong again and this was the "millionth time" she had taught her "baka deshi" to do it correctly. It seemed she was being harsh on the young boy, but Sano knew a boy Yahiko's age needed a little extra guidance, guidance that not too long ago the young boy hadn't had. His thoughts drifted to youngest member of their family.

Yahiko was fast growing into a strong young man with a virtuous heart. The teenager had grown quite a bit in the past year, having had several growth spurts he almost reached Sano's own chest when they stood face to face. The boy had also developed emotionally and spiritually. He was not so quick to anger any longer, he still had a quick tongue, especially when it came to Kaoru, but his emotions were mellowing out and he now had a personality that very much resembled Kenshin's without the melancholy that burdened the older man. The boy was becoming insightful. He was beginning to understand the principles and disciplines of the art of kendo, weighing his day to day actions against them. The fight with Enishi's henchmen had truly humbled him and ever since he had taken his kendo seriously, more determined and focused than ever before. He would soon become a great samurai, just like Kenshin, and like his own father had been before his death. He knew how desperately Yahiko wanted to restore honor to his family name and if the young man continued on this path he would certainly reach his goal. His kata had improved greatly and although she hadn't told Yahiko, Sano knew Kaoru would soon be teaching the teen the final techniques and making him the official assistant master of the Kamiya Kasshin Ryu. She would then allow him to teach the new students that they had acquired over the past few months. Yahiko's was truly a story of redemption, a boy who rose from being a pickpocket for the Yakuza to being an honorable samurai. Sano just felt lucky enough to have had some small part in it.

He listened as Kaoru continued the lesson and his thoughts flickered to the owner of their home. Kaoru. His Jou-chan. She was a flower that had blossomed through adversity, conquering all the trials she had been put through, all the pain and suffering she had experienced made her so much stronger and very mature. She was able to adapt to any situation that other women her age would never be able to comprehend.

To him, Kaoru was undeniably incredible.

Sure she was headstrong, loud, a tom-boy, and could sometimes be a brute. Though he would never admit any of that to her lest he get a swift bokken blow to the head, something he was decidedly not too fond of. But that was what made her unique and that was only what she portrayed on the outside. Inside she was sensitive, sweet, and unbelievably loyal. She was full of passion and spirit and you couldn't help but be drawn to her. There seemed to be some sort of light that seemed emanate from somewhere inside of her that made you want to get close to her. In all his life, Sano had yet to meet anyone that held even half the compassion she did. She had taken three complete strangers into her home including an ex-hitokiri, a street fighter, and a former yakuza pickpocket and treated them as friends... as family. Kaoru had offered them all something that no one else had.

Redemption.

Over the past two years Sano had grown desperately attached to the girl. His feelings for her had slowly evolved from a simple fondness, a friendship, into love. Especially, since the fiasco with Enishi. He shuddered at the mere mention of that man's name. It made his blood boil to think about him. Those events had forced his dormant emotions he held for her to flare up violently and they had not relented. The memories of that time he would just as soon forget, though he knew he couldn't...

Though some time had passed since then and Kaoru had recovered, the memories of those days refused to fade. The image that stood out most vividly in his mind, forever burned into his brain was of Kaoru's small body pinned to the wall, run through with Enishi's blade. Her dull, lifeless eyes staring back at them, the cross shaped scar etched into the once flawless skin of her left cheek mirroring the one that marred Kenshin's.

Her heart would beat no longer, her eyes would never flash with happiness, or love, or even anger, again. Sano would never be able to hear the soft music that was her laughter or the sweet caress of her voice calling his name. She was just gone.

The rage and anger he had felt had been unreal and all consuming. Not even the death of Captain Sagara had been this painful, in fact it paled in comparison, something he thought would never be possible. He felt as though his heart had been torn from his chest leaving only a gaping wound with jagged, raw and shredded edges. Every breath he took seemed to hurt, searing pain was all he felt.

Sano had wanted revenge then. He wanted to spill every last drop of blood that Enishi's body held and even then it wouldn't have been enough. Wouldn't be enough to atone for the sin that man had committed... it wouldn't bring her back to him. Sano was determined that Enishi Yukishiro would die for what he had done to Jou-chan. Kenshin had resigned himself to a life abstaining from killing others, from taking human lives... Sano had not. He had always restrained himself in respect of the ex-hitokiri, in fact he had admired Kenshin's way of life and before now he would never have imagined wanting to extinguish the life of another, but this sin could not go unpunished. Enishi wasn't a man anyway, he was the devil, a demon, and he needed to be destroyed.

Kenshin had run to Rakuninmura then and chained up his sakabatou, never to be used again, and although Sano had tried, he could not pull the grief stricken man from the place he sat. The tawny haired youth had cursed the red head then, leaving him to wallow in his misery, to rot away in that hell-hole. Kenshin could sit and let the guilt slowly decay his mind and further corrupt his soul but Sano was going to do something... anything. No matter what, whether he lost his life in the process was inconsequential, he just wanted to avenge her, Sano would go to fight Enishi.

However, once they had discovered Kaoru to be alive the great samurai had come through for them but Sano would always feel resentment towards the other man for his previous actions. He would always be angry at Kenshin for his hesitation in avenging Kaoru. Kenshin had just rolled over and died taking no action at all for Jou-chan and that was just something Sano could not understand. He felt the resentment would have been worse towards the other man had the relief of knowing she was alive not washed over it.

In an instant the light had returned to the world, his own heart could beat again without the pain and he felt he would be able to smile again so long as she was allowed to live and smile as well.

He recalled how they had all gone to Enishi's stronghold, an island in the middle of nowhere, to bring her back home with them, where she belonged. Kenshin had fought Enishi with everything he had, all for the love of the girl. The smile Kaoru had given the rurouni when she laid eyes on him made Sano's heart squeeze painfully in his chest. It was the single most beautiful thing he had ever seen, and at the same time it had also been the most awful. It had been beautiful because it was one of what he hoped were many more smiles she could share throughout her life, a life only days ago he thought had been lost forever. The undiluted love that her smile held could not be denied either. That was why it had been awful, because that smile was not meant for him. That smile belonged to the red headed rurouni exclusively and though he knew it was wrong, it made him jealous. He would give anything he had to receive that smile, to have her love.

Sano knew the thoughts and feelings he harbored for Kaoru were wrong. That he was committing a severe transgression against both of his friends. He coveted the raven haired woman, wanted her for himself. Often times he would find himself wondering what it would be like to receive just one kiss from her, to taste her fully, to feel her in his arms, to hold her. The thought caused guilt and longing to surge through his body at the same time, causing a wretched feeling to settle in the pit of his stomach. It was a feeling he was becoming all too used to these days. Kaoru was for Kenshin, the two were meant for each other and Sano knew that. Kenshin was like a brother to him but he couldn't help the way he felt about the girl so he did his best to keep his feelings hidden from everyone. No one would know his sin.

Sano had thought for sure once they reached home after defeating Enishi that feelings between Kenshin and Kaoru would really start to develop into relationship. Confessions of love and emotions flowing from the two freely. No more pretenses. No need for their carefully crafted facades.

When that happened, he figured he would make his move to leave. Sure, Jou-chan would probably cause a fuss, beg him not to go, but he also knew she would want time alone to experience her new found love. He would be happy for them... for her... but knew he wouldn't be able to stay knowing for certain that he could not have her. To see another man hold her in his arms he way he so desperately wanted to. That she indeed belonged to another. Sano was tough but no man would want to endure that kind of pain. He had always wanted to see China so he figured he would make his way there.

Yet, nothing more had progressed further between the two, which was just fine with him, so he stayed where he was. Where he could continue to be soothed by her presence and watch over her, keep her safe.

The only part of the situation that troubled him was the idea that she may be suffering. Jou-chan being anything but completely content was unacceptable to him and he wondered why Kenshin had not moved forward with her. Did he think it was funny to leave Kaoru hanging onto him the way he did? Did he ever intend to make good on his promise to make her happy? Did Kenshin even realize he was the only one that could make her happy?

Sano ran his hand impatiently through his hair, each strand falling back into the place it had been only seconds before. These thoughts were becoming more frequent and it was infuriating to him. He knew he shouldn't be bothered by these things, they didn't involve him, but because it centered around her happiness he couldn't seem to think straight.

The sound of the latch of the front gate opening tore Sano from his reverie. In walked the red headed rurouni, he carried with him a bucket of tofu and several bags of groceries, his trademark smile plastered on his face.

"Good afternoon, Sano!"

The young man inclined his head, "Kenshin" was his only reply.

Seeing Kenshin on a day to day basis it was hard to believe that the mild mannered man that worked so diligently on the laundry was once the most feared hitokiri in all of Japan. "Battousai" was still a name that caused even the bravest warriors from the bakamatsu to shudder. But Sano had seen a glimpse of the man that Kenshin held within him, the Battousai. He was one of the few people who had been able to witness it and still live to tell about it, though he had not been on the receiving end of that man's fury. No, that was all Saitou.

His eyes followed the smaller man as he walked into the house, making his way to the kitchen to put away what he had acquired at the market and start preparing the evening meal. Sano frowned to himself. He didn't mean to be so short with Kenshin lately. He was just stressed about... well... everything. He supposed a lot of it had to do with the feelings he held for Kaoru and he resented Kenshin a little because he was who she wanted. It wasn't right. Sano was the one in the wrong, he knew that, he was the one coveting his best friends girl.

He let go of another sigh, closing his eyes as he did so. He was starting to develop quite a headache...

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Well this is the first chapter of a story that I have been working on since about May of last year. It will be multiple chapters and will obviously center around Sanosuke and Kaoru. I am a major fan of alternate pairings and I have always enjoyed this particular couple, though in my heart I do believe Kaoru and Kenshin are soul mates but sometimes it's more of a challenge to write for alternate pairings so I gave this a shot. If you took the time to read this chapter, I would like to thank you, please leave a review if you feel inclined to do so, anything will do. Negative or otherwise. Again, thank you and I will be updating with the next chapter when I'm finished editing.


	2. Chapter 2

As promised here is the next chapter, I apologize because the story starts out a little slow but it will pick up, I promise. Hope you enjoy!

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**Chapter 2**

_**Heat of the Moment**_

"Sano!"

Kenshin poked his head out the door to call the younger man. Sano's mind jumped to attention at the sound of someone calling his name.

'_Ugh… must have fallen asleep'_ he thought to himself groggily as he blinked the sleep from his eyes.

He turned his head in the direction of the voice that had called him and saw Kenshin standing there smiling at him. A sharp feeling of annoyance spiked up in Sanosuke but he quelled it instantly. He was not a fan of being woken up by anyone, no matter what time of day, and there was just something about Kenshin's "rurouni smile" that rubbed him the wrong way. It was fake. That smile was a disguise, a carefully crafted mask he kept in place to keep others out. It was a barrier. He couldn't stand it. He quickly brushed the feeling aside and spoke to his friend

"What's up, Kenshin?"

"Could you please fetch Kaoru-dono and Yahiko-kun from the dojo? Supper should be ready shortly and they need to clean up before they come in to eat, that they do" Kenshin said.

"Sure, no problem." Sano replied, already moving to stand. He stretched his tall frame for a long moment and letting out an exaggerated yawn before shoving his hands in his pockets, sauntering off to the dojo to retrieve the two.

Sano rounded the corner to the dojo, kicking off his shoes as he did so. God forbid he wear them inside. Jou-chan would beat him within an inch of his life if he ever did that. He couldn't help but grin to himself at that thought. The fire inside of her was something he loved and he felt in some ways it reflected the one he had within him. One of the many reasons, he thought, that he would be better suited for her then Kenshin. The thought made him stop in his tracks. It seemed no matter what he did he couldn't help but think about her and what it would be like to be with her.

As he walked into the dojo he noticed that Kaoru and Yahiko were wrapping up their session so he took a seat against the far wall to wait until they were finished. Sano wouldn't dare interrupt her teachings. It would be rude and, once again, he knew he'd be beaten for it. Kaoru had noticed his entrance and gave a small nod in his direction to let him know she would be with him momentarily. He watched as the two faced off against each other to work through their last exercise. Sano didn't usually enter the dojo and had only watched Kaoru practice once before and the emotions that it had stirred in him had been strong and confusing. That had also been before he had realized the true depths of his feelings for her. It was one of the only times he could remember himself seeing her as a true woman. Although she was fighting, which was something decidedly masculine, she had never looked more feminine to him. When Jou-chan entered the role of sensei she became a completely different person. She was calm, composed and poised. An air of confidence seemed to wrap itself around her being and she commanded attention. Sure, she still lost her patience with Yahiko when he acted like a brat, but the way she handled those moments were so different when she was teaching. Instead of flying off the handle and calling him names, she would correct him, discipline him and make him work through the step correctly until he had finally gotten it. It was quite an impressive transformation and one he thoroughly enjoyed. He had always admired strong women and that was certainly Jou-chan. She seemed to be completely at ease when she was instructing, something she fell into naturally.

But... it also reminded him of the physical attributes that made her a woman. Her body was lean but well toned due to years of performing her kata. She didn't have the typical hour glass figure that someone like Megumi would hold but then again that wouldn't suit her and she was still curvy in her own right. Her ample breasts set a delicate curve that led the eye down to the taut, smooth skin of her stomach, to the small divot that was her bellybutton, and further down to the graceful flare of her hips. She had a beauty all her own that was both powerful and elegant. She could be covered in sweat, wearing her gi and hakama and look just as good as if she were wearing her finest kimono. Her long ponytail would trail her as she moved through the intricate positions of her kata, swirling around her in black silky waves. Her small body executing the moves with extreme precision, a precision that had she practiced a different type of kata, would be deadly. On days such as this where it was extremely hot she tended not to wear her gi, her torso only covered by the thin cloth bindings. Sano felt that years ago she would never have been as bold as to bare herself that way but she had known everyone in their home for years and they were the only ones that would see her. She probably assumed the only one she would have to worry about thinking lecherous thoughts was Kenshin... oh how wrong she was.

He licked his dry lips as she and Yahiko continued to moved around each other in their elaborate dance, their bokkens clacking together loudly with each successful blow. Every now and then her hakama would flutter up and reveal the dainty ankles and smooth white skin that covered her well muscled calves. Sano wished he had not agreed to come here. He should have interrupted them, chancing stern words and bokken blows from her, said his piece, and left. Had he known she would look this tempting he would never have entered the dojo. He couldn't take his eyes off her and he noticed how with every movement her breasts would bounce just a little beneath their bindings. He bit his lip then, trying with all his strength to smother the feelings that were now bubbling up inside of him.

Sano tore his gaze away from her body to look back up towards her face hoping that would quell the thoughts that were now pounding in his head. The action, however, did not have the desired effect as he noted the flushed look of her face. She was breathing heavily, her lips slightly parted and his mind flashed to a very different activity in which she may look the same way and he groaned under his breath. _'Seriously, how much longer could this fuckin' take?'_ he thought to himself. He needed to get himself under control and fast. He would be mortified if she noticed the state of discomfort he was in, or worse, if Yahiko noticed. The spiky haired little brat would never let him live it down.

He squeezed his eyes shut and started to take slow, controlled breaths. He thought of fighting to get his mind away from the impure thoughts he had been thinking before. He smiled inwardly... it was working. His pulse started to slow making the pounding in his head ebb away. Sano made a mental note to never return to the dojo when Kaoru was practicing. Obviously, it wasn't something he could handle viewing. He didn't have the discipline and he wondered where all his had gone. It had never gotten that bad before... he had never lost control in that way. Perhaps it was because he hadn't been with a woman in a while…

Once he was sure that he had everything under control again he opened his eyes which were now looking straight into the ocean blue eyes of the object of his affections and the cause of his torment. Sometime during his struggle she had finished her spar with Yahiko and set her bokken aside. She was now on her knees, between his legs and leaning forward slightly, her expression worried.

"Sano, are you feeling okay? Your face is red… do you feel sick?" Kaoru asked him.

She was so close… he could smell the sweet scent of jasmine that always clung to her as her breath blew across his face and he was momentarily stunned by it. His head swam and he tried desperately to focus on what she was saying to him. Her scent made his mouth water and he wondered for what he could only imagine was enough times for a lifetime what her mouth would taste like.

Her eyes were soft, searching his, trying to figure out the source of his discomfort. Oblivious to the fact that her presence was what had caused it. The close proximity of her body was causing his body to react, adrenaline to flowing in his veins, and he desperately wanted to move away from her but the wall behind him prevented it. _'God, can't she tell what she's doing to me?'_ Sano felt the heat pouring off her body and he wanted nothing more than to know how her soft form would feel pressed against his hard body. His hand twitched at his side when that thought passed through his mind as if hoping he would make good on that impulse and grab her. _'What the hell is wrong with me?_'

Sano had yet to answer Kaoru and the longer he sat the worse he seemed to look. Sano watched as Kaoru reached her hand out to him, pressing it to his forehead, to check his temperature. The feeling of her slightly calloused hand against the heated skin of his forehead was strangely exotic and he had to bite back a growl when she touched him. Her hands were a little rougher than a normal woman's due to years of her wielding a bokken, but they were still soft and dainty compared to his own larger ones. He wasn't sure what his face held but whatever it was, it had alarmed her.

"Sano, you're burning up!" she screeched at him as she drew her hand back to her side and sitting back on her heels finally putting the distance between them that he so desperately needed.

"Why don't you go inside and lay down for a while, ne?" she asked him, her voice heavy with concern.

The tall man sat staring at her still unable to process anything clearly. She was scrambling his brain and he didn't like it. He opened his mouth to speak several times but was unable to force any words to come out.

"Sano... should I call Dr. Gensai?" Kaoru asked, this time her words were more urgent, her voice rising a few octaves. She was beginning to panic, her face pinched in concern for her friend.

He winced inwardly. He must really look bad right now for her to insist on getting a doctor. He didn't need a damn doctor, what he needed was a cold shower!

"Geez, Jou-chan! Do I look that bad?" he asked her, sounding incredulous, hoping that his voice no longer held the anxiety or any _**other **_feelings he had felt earlier.

She looked at him and for a moment her expression was angry but then it quickly shifted as she burst into a fit of giggles "Mou, Sano! Maybe you aren't sick! Didn't mean to offend you!" she said as she placed her hand on his shoulder

"But you really do look awful. You're sure you don't need a doctor?"

He couldn't help it as a big, goofy smile blossomed on his face. She was worried about him, the thought touched his heart. He loved the way she sounded when she laughed, like the tinkling of bells, it was a light and happy sound.

"Nah Jou-chan, I'm fine. Just the heat getting to me I suppose..."

"I did come out here for a reason though. Kenshin sent me out here to tell you dinner would be ready soon so you and the brat over there need to wash up." He said to the pair, jerking a thumb in the direction of Yahiko.

"Who're you calling a brat, roosterhead?" Yahiko snapped at the taller man as he walked over to the two.

"I just call them like I see them, Yahiko-chaaaan!" Sano said, causing Kaoru to fall into a fit of laughter all over again, her arms clutching her stomach, which in turn caused him to start laughing.

"Don't call me chan!" the younger boy yelled, causing both Sano and Kaoru to laugh even harder.

"Forget this I'm going to take a bath! You two can just sit here like morons…" Yahiko walked away sulking and mumbling insults that neither of them could hear.

Once their laughter died down they sat facing each other silently. Sano was about to get up and leave her to do whatever straightening up needed to be done but instead Kaoru moved to sit herself next to him against the wall. Not wanting to waste any of the precious time he could get with her alone, he stayed where he was happy that she was comfortable enough to sit with him alone, if only for a moment.

She closed her eyes and let a small sigh escape her lips as she did so. Sano watched her out of the corner of his eye, regarding her silently. Her face was slowly returning to its normal pale shade just a few patches of pink played across her palate now, a sweet smile stretched across her features. He could tell she was tired, she had certainly exerted a lot of energy today with the training and the heat

"I'm beat…" she said, confirming what he had already known. "That kid is really starting to wear me out. He gave me a run for my money today!" she smiled, her eyes sparkling.

He could sense the burning pride she felt but decided not to comment about it. "Yeah, well, teenage boys his age have plenty of energy. I know I did when I was Yahiko's age." He said, shooting her a sly smile that caused the tips of his canines to show.

"Sano... somehow I feel like Yahiko is using his energy in an altogether different way than you did at that age." she stated, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

He laughed "Damn Jou-chan! Don't make it sound better than it was! I was actually just starting out my work as Zanza back then..." he said before trailing off.

"Yeah, I can understand that. None of us had a real childhood with no worries. You were trying to fend for yourself and so was I. After my parents died I didn't have anyone to turn to, I had no choice but to keep the dojo going just to make ends meet. By the time Kenshin was fifteen he was already working as an assassin for the Ishin Shishi." And soon he would be married... she added to herself, frowning.

Sano could tell that the turn their conversation had made was making Kaoru upset so he tried to lighten the mood. "But Yahiko's life won't have to be that way Jou-chan and it's all because of you. Honestly, all of our lives are better now that we've met you. God knows where I would be right now if you had not taken me in." he said to her, his eyes growing soft as he looked at her. "You change lives Jou-chan. I know you did for me." he echoed his thoughts from earlier in the day. He reached out brushing a lock of her dark hair out of her face, his knuckles brushing lightly over her cheek bone, he tucked the stray strands of silk behind her ear.

"Thank you, Sano." she said blushing slightly. "You're not so bad yourself." she said giving him a sweet smile before punching him in his right arm successfully breaking the slight tension in the air that his act of affection had caused.

"Well then I guess I'll go get cleaned up." her stomach chose that moment to make its presence known with a very boisterous growl. "Haha... guess I'm pretty hungry, huh?"

"I'd say so... some nights I wonder if you couldn't eat a horse..."

"Sano!"

Kaoru pulled her bokken from what seemed like thin air and smacked Sano in the head with it causing a rather large bump to appear. She stood to leave turning back to face him once she reached the door

"Seriously, Sano... you didn't look so good earlier. Take care of yourself, okay? I would hate for my favorite rooster-head to get sick on me" she said to him before shooting him once last mischievous smile before leaving.

Sano sat smiling, rubbing the back of his head with his hand, inspecting it for any severe damage she could have caused with her bokken. The girl he loves had been worried about his well being. It caused his heart to swell with a happiness that he knew couldn't be healthy. He was reminded once again of just how much he loved her and then a tiny voice in the back of his head, mocking him, said

'_But you can't have her…'_

He sighed, dropping his head to his hands.

'_What am I gonna do...? Why did it have to be her I fell for?_' he thought to himself.


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER 3

_**Ambivalent Conviction**_

Kenshin bustled around the kitchen preparing the evening meal for the residents of the dojo, humming quietly to himself. It was a song he had always known but couldn't recall where he'd heard. Often times he wondered if maybe it was something he had picked up from the mother he could no longer remember.

Yahiko walked in with a towel wrapped around his shoulders, fresh from his bath. "Aw man, Kenshin that smells so good. I'm starved! Busu worked me like crazy today." he said to the older man.

"Now, now Yahiko-kun. You know what happens when you call Kaoru-dono that. Please try to be considerate of her feelings." He chided the youth. "As soon as she and Sano join us we can begin."

Kenshin smiled at the younger boys antics. Yahiko had adjusted wonderfully to his new life in the dojo with Kaoru. He was excelling at his kata, he was holding a part time job at the Akabeko, and it seemed things between him and Tsubame were blossoming into a real relationship, though both parties would vehemently deny that claim.

And though he was happy for his small friend Kenshin couldn't help but feel a little saddened by those thoughts. At Yahiko's age Kenshin was still learning the Hiten Mitsurugi-Ryu from his shishou and just two short years later he would begin fighting for the ideals of the Ishin Shishi… he would begin killing.

Incessantly he would wonder what his life would have been like had his parents not died or if he had just listened to his shishou and stayed where he was and not joined the revolution, how different his life would have been. If his parents had lived he would most likely be a farmer somewhere with a wife and children. His life would have been peaceful. Would he have even picked up a sword?

Had he chosen to stay with his shishou, could he have used his sword skills in a different way to truly help others?

He would never know.

He had chosen to fight to help bring about the Meiji era with the intention of helping others. He had fought with the intention to end the people of Japan's suffering. Though he would never regret fighting for his ideals he did regret killing so many, destroying so many lives. Some days he felt his sword had brought about more suffering then aid. The guilt of that would haunt him for the rest of his life… maybe even after. He shuddered at the idea, pushing those thoughts to the back of his mind he continued his task.

Kenshin didn't want Kaoru to notice his change in demeanor so he made a conscious effort to replace his rurouni smile so she wouldn't sense something was amiss when she came in for the evening. He hated the thought of worrying her, something she tended to do quite often, worry over him. It always seemed that one way or another he would somehow inconvenience her life, whether it was putting her in harm's way or causing her emotional distress, he couldn't do right by Kaoru. He loved her dearly, but he couldn't allow himself to fully embrace the feelings he had for her. He refused to taint her innocence and virtue with his blood stained hands. He had done that once before and it had caused the death of the love of his life. He had already put Kaoru in more danger than he could bear but still he could not bring himself to leave.

He wanted to… several times he had started to gather what few belongings he had in the middle of the night to leave, to remove himself from her life. Each time he would find himself stopping somewhere before the end having somehow convinced that she needed him there, but he knew the truth, he was the one that needed her. Something about her soothed his soul, not since Tomoe was he able to feel that way. Kaoru's complete acceptance of him was something precious, a gift. But he also knew it was selfish and unfair to leave her hanging the way he did just to soothe his own demons. Kenshin, of course, was well aware of the feelings the young woman harbored for him but he wouldn't acknowledge them. He couldn't be sure which would hurt her worse, to acknowledge them and tell her it was impossible or to ignore them altogether.

He hoped that if he ignored them long enough her infatuation with him would fade and she would eventually move on to someone else. The thought of her loving another hurt but he wanted her to be as happy as she could without him. He never wanted to hold her back from the things she could accomplish in the future because of his tainted past.

He broke from his inner contemplation as he pulled the boiling pot of miso from the stove and began to portion out the servings to each residents bowls. Everything would be ready soon and Kenshin wondered to himself exactly where Sano had run off to. He figured the taller man would have come right back to the house as soon as he had informed the other two of dinner. He was never one to wander too far off when the prospect of free food presented itself.

'_Speak of the devil…'_ he thought to himself as Sano walked in, his customary fishbone hanging from between his teeth. Kenshin grimaced inwardly; it would always be a mystery to him where he got those things, was there any sort of demand for things like that? He assumed not which meant there was probably only one place he was getting them though Kenshin refused to entertain that thought.

The younger man took his seat at the table, his familiar lazy expression on his face, and Kenshin marveled at how at ease the man could look no matter what situation he was put in. Kenshin often found himself envying Sanosuke. His easy going personality, good looks, and charisma made it effortless for him to get along with others in a way Kenshin knew he never could. Though Kenshin's looks were feminine and soft, his smile always polite and inviting, even those not adept at reading ki could sense the darkness within his soul. People instinctively shied away from him for that reason. Sanosuke was his best friend but sometimes he felt agitated by his presence and his former thought seemed to be the reason why. Sanosuke was everything Kenshin could never be and he hated it.

There had always been a bit of uneasy tension, almost a rivalry, between the two, even though they were good friends, they had started out as enemies, and Kenshin figured some of those feelings had bled into their friendship.

Sure, that had something to do with it… but Kenshin had also begun to notice the way Sanosuke's eyes now trailed after Kaoru, how his movements seemed directly tied to hers. Ever since the battle with Enishi it seemed Sanosuke's awareness of Kaoru had increased exponentially. He could tell the other man was slowly falling in love with her or perhaps he already was, and it put him on edge, made him feel threatened. An acute sense of remorse flooded through Kenshin as the thought left him. He had absolutely no right to feel possessive or jealous when it came to her. He never let her know how he felt and he had no claim on her… yet he couldn't shake the jealousy that boiled up in him, just beneath the surface. He liked Sano and knew he would be able to care for Kaoru but Kenshin didn't feel like Sanosuke was good enough for her. In his estimation, no one was good enough for Kaoru, especially not himself.

"So, what will we be having tonight Kenshin?" Sano asked, looking up just in time to see the perturbed expression leave the other man's face to be replaced with his smile a fraction of a second later.

"Something wrong Kenshin?"

"No, Sano everything's fine. Just contemplating all the laundry I'll have to do tomorrow" he lied. It wasn't even a good lie either but he certainly didn't want to divulge the real reason he was upset. No… that wouldn't do.

Sano, being as dense as he was, didn't seem to notice the fib. "Well, if you don't wanna do it you can always just make Yahiko do the laundry."

"Not all of us are useless layabouts Sano! I actually have a job!" Yahiko answered.

Kenshin couldn't hide the smirk that the comment brought to his face. Yahiko sounded so much like Kaoru sometimes it was a wonder they weren't actual brother and sister.

"Hey now, I'm working on it… I just haven't found anything I'm good at yet." Sano stated, seeming to sulk a little, his forehead wrinkled as he brought his eyebrows together. A deep frown sat on his face.

Kaoru walked into the room not a minute later dressed in her light blue summer yukata, her long raven hair already braided for the evening. She padded softly over to the table noticing Sano's expression she reached out her hand and ruffled the hair on his head.

"What's wrong now rooster-head? Why are you pouting?" she teased.

"It's nothing and I am NOT pouting! I'm just hungry…" he replied moving his hands to the top of his head to fix the mess that he called a hairstyle.

Kaoru giggled quietly shaking her head she walked over and took her usual seat next to Kenshin.

Kenshin couldn't help but be pleased with this. Meal times were indeed his favorite time of the day because it was the only time he could permit himself to be close to her. She sought him out, decided to be seated by him every morning and evening, and that he could not deny her. For he knew he was already denying her everything she wanted… which was him.

He wouldn't allow himself to dwell on that anymore today so he turned to her and gave her his best smile, the genuine ones that he saved just for her.

"How are you this evening, Kaoru-dono?" he asked, his eyes swept over her briefly appraising her appearance.

Kaoru's gaze moved from the table to Kenshin's amethyst orbs, a slight blush crept across her face as he looked at her, smiling softly she told him "I feel great after my bath and I'm sure I'll feel better after having some of this delicious meal you've prepared for us."

Sano bristled as he watched the display before him. There it was again… that soft beautiful smile. The way the corners of her lips turned up so delicately and the way her eyes twinkled when she looked at him, only for him. Sano suddenly felt very sick to his stomach. He needed to distance himself from this scene. Immediately. Without saying a word he removed himself from the table and walked out the door continuing through the gates and down the street.

He was suddenly in need of a drink…


	4. Chapter 4

Well, I wasn't planning on updating both chapters in the same day but I felt the last chapter was rather slow and I'm craving more Sano and Kaoru action so I'm posting this one as well :)

**Warning!** This chapter is the reason why I decided to give my story the 'M' rating. It has rather graphic violence so if you're sensitive to that sort of thing please continue with caution. For those of you who like to see Sanosuke's wild and unrestrained side, please read on!

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_**Chapter 4**_

_**Midnight Sentinel**_

Sano sat in his usual place at the bar, the stool at the far left corner, nursing the same bottle of sake he had been drinking for the past hour. He stared down into the crystal clear liquid… how unassuming the beverage seemed. Crystal clear, it looked just like water but it burned like fire. It burned away memories, feelings, everything. But… tonight it wasn't quite doing its job. It wasn't erasing anything just intensifying everything he had come to drink to forget. Visions of Kaoru swam in his head and though he tried he could not shake them.

His mind recalled her today in the dojo and this evening after her bath. She had been practically glowing after her bath and the yukata she had worn brought out the color of her sapphire blue eyes which stood out vividly against the darkness of her hair. The scent of jasmine was so intense after her bath that he was once again stunned by it. She was gorgeous, looking more beautiful than anyone had the right too. More beautiful than anyone he couldn't have had the right too.

He couldn't remember the last time he had thought of a woman in this way, or if ever. He could not recall any time before where he noticed such details about anyone but it seemed without his consent his mind catalogued every detail about her person and it was slowly driving him mad.

He poured the remainder of the sake into his cup before bringing the bowl of liquid to his mouth drinking it quickly before he slammed it back down onto the counter. He grimaced slightly as it burned its way down his throat traveling down to sit in his unsettled stomach.

Sanosuke was becoming increasingly irritated and despondent as he sat and continued to drink. Wasn't there anything he could do to stop these thoughts from bombarding him? He wished he could find a way to just be rid of the feelings he had. It would make his life so much easier. He actually, for once, wished that the fox doctor were around. At least then he would have someone to occupy his time. There had never been any sort of relationship between himself and Megumi, though everyone speculated they did, she had been someone to talk to and argue with. She would have kept his mind off of these ever present thoughts.

He noticed the two men that had been seated on the other side of the bar from him as they moved to leave. They had been eyeing him up all night… they were looking for a fight, he knew. As much as he wanted to beat the living shit out of two stupid punks he didn't think it was a good idea. Though it would be a nice stress release, given the foul mood he was in he was certain to kill someone and he damn sure didn't need that kind of trouble. Besides, it was getting late. The sun would be up in a few hours and he knew he needed to get home before a certain someone realized he hadn't come home yet. He cringed as he thought of her walking around this side of town alone at night. There was no end to the terrible things she could end up getting herself into.

The tall youth moved from his place at the bar readying himself to leave. Just before he turned to head out the door he did something very rare, the notorious cheapskate dropped a few coins on the counter to pay for his drink…

Sano walked slowly through the pitch black streets of Tokyo's seediest neighborhood. He was heading home to the dojo. Shortly after their return from Enishi's island, Kaoru had asked Sanosuke to stay with them. He wasn't sure why, though he figured it had something to do with the fact that she was scared to be alone, he obliged. He wasn't exactly attached to his one room flat anyway, though he kept it just in case he needed it. It was always nice to have several places to go, he had learned that as a gangster. He was happy when she had asked him to stay, regardless of her reasons it meant he got to be close to her. That's all he wanted really, was to be close to her and her asking him to stay made it that much easier.

As he walked down one of the tougher parts of the neighborhood he could hear laughing and men's voices. Some thugs were probably hassling some drunk for whatever money he had left in his pockets. People like that made him feel nauseated when they picked on those weaker than them. They were the lowest kind of people, they just fed on negativity and suddenly that urge Sano had earlier to brawl flared again with an intensity that frightened him. Unconsciously, he cracked his knuckles, his body was involuntarily preparing for a fight. It was reminiscent of his days as Zanza. The air around him felt thick but charged, static almost. He reminded himself that he really didn't need the trouble, he focused on relaxing the tense muscles in his back and arms.

That's when he heard her, her piercing scream hit him like a ton of bricks. He felt his heart skip a beat and his breathing altogether stopped.

'_It couldn't be… could it?'_

His answer came as the young girl yelled at her attackers "Baka! Get your damn hands off of me!" the familiar pitch of her voice when she was angry was undeniable.

In an instant he was flying down a nearby alley as fast as his feet could take him. Whoever had been stupid enough to mess with his Jou-chan could now consider themselves dead because as soon as he got his hands on them they would be. He slowed as he came to the end of the alley, he had to squint to make out her silhouette, but he could see her now. Those two bastards he had seen at the bar earlier were now the ones harassing Kaoru. The taller of the pair had grabbed hold of her from behind twisting her arms behind her back harshly while the other…the short, fat, greasy one was trying to slip her kimono off her shoulders.

"Oh come on now, love. If you're quiet we won't hurt you, I promise." He said, the ardent tone of his voice making his intentions clear.

Blind fury blistered up in the young man as he took in the scene before him. They would die. He refused to let anyone that harmed that girl to live. Enishi had gotten away. These two would not.

Just as he moved to confront the men, fully intending on ending the life of the man who was currently trying to undress the struggling girl, Kaoru brought her knee up which connected directly with the groin of the man in front of her causing him to crouch down, she then proceeded to kick him in the face sending him reeling backwards. The man holding her was stunned slightly by what had just occurred and had slackened his grip on her just enough for her to get one arm free. She brought her elbow around catching him in the temple. She must have hit him in just the right spot with just enough force because the man collapsed to the ground with an audible thud. With her attackers now incapacitated, at least for the moment, she turned to run. If she could put some distance between them she may be able to get away.

She didn't get far as she connected only seconds later with something very hard. Kaoru stopped to find herself looking straight at the very sculpted chest of a young man, two strong hands reached out to grip the tops of her arms, and she began to panic. She had thought perhaps there had been a third man she hadn't noticed… she had incapacitated the other two but she wasn't sure she could compete with a third. Three men could easily overpower a young woman, no matter how strong she was. Her panic, however, faded instantly as she looked up to see his face and she realized it was none other than the man she had come to find.

But… he wasn't looking at her. His eyes were trained intently on the two men she had just been assaulted by and her breath caught in her throat when she saw the murderous glint they held. She had never seen him look so severe before. In none of the fights that she had witnessed had he looked so… frightening. Sure, Sano had a certain intensity when he fought but he never seemed so savage. She tried to reach out to him but the crushing grip he had on her arms forced her to be immobile, the pressure was harsh but it didn't hurt that bad. Realizing she would not be able to free herself she called his name, she had meant to say it firmly to grab his attention, but it only came out as a breathy whisper.

"Sano…"

If he had heard her he did not acknowledge it. Due to her restricted mobility she was only able to press both of her hands against his chest, pushing slightly she tried to break him from the trance he seemed to be in. She kept her hands on his chest and she noticed, for the second time that day, just how hot his skin was. She wondered if his temperature always ran so high or if it was just today that he seemed this way. His gaze slowly melted from the two men, he looked down at her now unleashing the full force of his eyes on her. She wanted to squirm, the intensity of his gaze was penetrating and though she wasn't frightened, she did feel vulnerable.

"Come on, Sano. Let's just go home. They were just some losers trying to be tough. Nothing to get too upset over, ne?" she said. She just wanted to get the hell out of here before the two thugs woke up.

She saw something stir behind his eyes, her words must have resonated somewhere within the depths of his mind. The murderous look he had held started to fade and she sighed a little in relief.

She heard a pained groan sound behind her and she watched as his eyes snapped up again, the rage that had finally started to soften began to burn within them again.

'_Dammit, this is going to be bad'_ she thought.

Suddenly, Sano pulled her behind his back. He held a defensive stance as both men started to stir, one coming back into consciousness after Kaoru had successfully knocked him out.

"Stupid little bitch! How dare you! You really don't wanna know what I'm gonna do… to you…" the round man started, then faltered. He had failed to notice the very tall, and very pissed off Sagara Sanosuke that was now standing to defend the young girl before starting his tirade.

"And what exactly was it that you were going to do to _**my**_ Jou-chan?" Sano asked, his voice coming out as a feral growl, the fury in his voice barely contained.

Kaoru gasped as she clearly heard her friend declare her as his and she couldn't deny the possessive undertones his words and voice held.

"S-s-sorry, man." The fat man's accomplice started, tripping over his words as he tried in vain to explain away their deplorable actions.

"We didn't realize this one belonged to you. We were just trying to have a little fun." The taller man stated from his place still on the ground. He had yet to get up since Kaoru had knocked him out.

Sano felt a little bit of pride swell within him for Kaoru. She had really thrown the two off guard. He was sure that when the two had begun their assault on her they would have never guessed they were fighting with one of the strongest females in the area, a dojo master no less. If it weren't for the blinding rage he was in right now he might even mention that to her.

"That so? I wasn't aware that 'fun' included attacking young women in the middle of the night. You disgust me. Stand up, I'm getting tired of talking. I'm ready to kick your ass."

"Whoa… we ain't lookin' for a fight, mister." The short greasy man said backing up until his back hit the wall at the end of the alley.

"Yeah we'll just be on our way…" The taller man said as he rose from the ground. He stood up to his full height, which, as tall as he was, wasn't nearly as tall as Sano. His scrawny legs were shaking slightly, fear wracking his body.

Both men realizing that the brown haired man would not be backing down, decided to make a run for it, rather than stay and fight. Each of the men ran to either side of him trying to evade capture and hopefully confuse the street fighter. Sanosuke's hands shot out to his sides catching both men's faces in the palms of his large hands. He clenched his hands, ensnaring them, before bringing both of his hands together, and in turn cracking their skulls against each other.

"I didn't ask if you wanted a fight or not." he said from between clenched teeth.

Sano let go as both men crumpled to the ground at his feet. He reached down, lifting the fat, slimy bastard from the dirt by the front of his shirt. The smaller man's feet dangled in the air and he groaned in pain. He brought the man's face close enough to his, so that their noses were almost touching, he hissed "I would say if you ever do it again you're a dead man but unfortunately for you I already ran out of fuckin' patience today." With that, he pulled back his right fist and slammed it straight into the nose of the man sending him sailing backward into the wall of the alley. Blood trickled from the other man's face and Sano could hear him struggling to breathe through the nose that was now surely broken. A rush of adrenaline coursed through his veins. He wanted him to suffer.

Before the man could even get to his feet Sano was on him again pounding away at his face. All coherent thought left him as he felt the steady crunching of bones and sloshing of blood beneath his fist. The other man's blood coated his hands, making them slick, each blow possessing just a little less power due to decreased friction the fluid caused. He knew if he continued the onslaught the man would surely die but he couldn't force himself to care. He knew _**exactly**_what they would have done to Kaoru had he not been there to intervene and the thought disgusted him, caused bile to rise in his throat. They weren't even fit to look at her let alone _**touch**_her. She was an innocent, there was no excuse for them to touch her.

Just as his blows were reaching a fevered pitch he felt two small hands grab onto his forearm mid swing causing him to stop. He looked back to see Kaoru looking at him, her beautiful sapphire eyes shimmering with unshed tears, the delicate pattern of blood sprinkled across her face. The sight of her made his heart clench in his chest and his breath stop short. What was that look she was giving him?

Was she afraid of him?

His gaze shifted down to the man beneath him… he was alive… but just barely. Sano could hear the strangled, ragged, breaths emitting from what barely resembled a face. He felt an itch beneath his skin, a slow burning and his arm twitched from its place in her small hands. Something deep inside of him was begging to finish this, to find some sort of release… to put this man out of his misery and remove the threat to his Jou-chan.

He wondered if this was how Kenshin felt when he struggled with the hitokiri within himself.

Sano let out a shaky breath, he hadn't realized he had been holding, and slowly lowered his raised arm. He heard a choked sob escape from the small woman behind him and he turned to her. In as soft a voice as he could muster, so as not to frighten her further, he spoke "Jou-chan… it's okay. I'm okay now. I promise I won't hurt you."

He saw her eyes grow wide as both shock and confusion swept across her features. "I know you won't hurt me Sano. I know that. You just scared me. You could have killed him…" she said, her hushed voice growing quieter as she reached the end of her statement. "I don't want you to live with the burden of murder. I couldn't allow you to continue, even if it was for my sake. I do not want death brought about on my account."

Silent tears slid down her face as he reached out his hand to wipe them away, leaving her cheek smeared with blood. He flinched as he noted the sharp contrast of the opaque blood against her pristine flesh. She should never have been dirtied this way and it was his fault. She shouldn't have witnessed the brutality that had occurred. He shouldn't have run out without telling her where he was going or when, and if, he would be back. He knew she would come looking for him. That's just how she was, always thinking of others first and he was ashamed of himself for not being more like her.

He felt as though he should apologize to her for being so irrational and for not being as thoughtful as her beloved Kenshin.

It was no wonder she couldn't love him. He was completely worthless. Even when he was trying to help her, to protect her, he failed. Instead of feeling protected she felt afraid and worse she was worrying about _**him**__. _He didn't deserve that. Flying into a murderous rage was not the mark of a good man. It was the action of a child.

He was pulled back from his reverie at the touch of her hand across his cheek. The gentle caress caused his eyes to flutter closed and for a moment he felt a sort of inner peace he had never felt before. Kaoru was his salvation, this he knew. That's what made the fact that he could not have her all the more bitter.

"Let's go home, Sano. I'm pretty sure you hurt your hand and we need to get you wrapped up and cleaned up before Kenshin and Yahiko wake up, hm?" she said.

"Yeah. I'm so sorry Jou-chan. I didn't mean to scare you." He stated, his eyes were downcast unable to look at her.

To this she said nothing, she leaned down and tore off a piece of her kimono and wrapped it around his right hand to stop the bleeding until she could get home and dress it properly. Luckily, she had worn one of her more tattered kimono's out so it was no big loss that she had to tear this one. She grabbed his left hand in her own small one and helped pull him to his feet. They walked that way, hand-in-hand down the alley, towards their home.

The second of Kaoru's assailants made no move to stop the two as they left the scene not wanting provoke the ire of the tall street fighter again. Who would have guessed a scrawny kid like that could cause this much devastation? He silently picked up his friend, whom he was sure was slowly bleeding to death, and ran as fast as he could towards the local doctor's house.

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Hope you enjoyed! I'm going to try to be good and upload a new chapter once a week but let's see how long that will last. I'm a notorious procrastinator but I'm sure you all will help motivate me! Look forward to an update sometime next week, the next chapter is also very SanoXKaoru heavy.


	5. Chapter 5

_**Chapter 5**_

_**Comfort**_

The pair sat in the dimly lit bathhouse, the only light came from a single oil lamp in the corner of the room. Kaoru sat kneeling in front of Sanosuke who was perched on a bench, a basin of warm water to her right, which she continuously dipped a washcloth into, wringing it out each time before bringing it back to wash away the dried, caked on blood that had collected on the young man's hand. The blood tinged the water a bizarre pinkish color that grew darker each time she wrung it out. His knuckles had several deep lacerations likely from the other man's face… his teeth and bones slicing through the flesh on his hand with each swing. Kaoru knew he must have been using quite a bit of force, his hands were severely calloused from years of fist fights, so she imagined it wasn't often that the skin was easily pierced. It just proved as a testament to how ferocious the blows had been.

Kaoru tried desperately not to think of that scene. It had been a little more gore and bloodshed than she was used to and was not something she was willing to recall right now. Right now she needed to make sure Sano's wounds were disinfected and dressed.

She chanced a glance at him, he was slumped forward, his head hung low, his hair obscured his eyes from her gaze. The way the light illuminated his face made Kaoru, for the first time since she'd met him, realize just how handsome he was. He had an attractive face, it was more masculine than Kenshin's. There was a little bit of stubble on his chin but it didn't take detract any of that attractiveness, it actually enhanced it. It gave him a rugged look and it suited him since he was a street fighter after all. His jaw line was sharp and angled. His lips were full but not too large and his nose fit his face perfectly. She wondered how it was still so straight, living as a gangster she assumed he'd probably broken it countless times but there was no evidence of that so she couldn't be sure. His chocolate brown eyes were rimmed by dark lashes that barely swept his cheekbones when he closed them. His hair was long and the style was haphazard but she thought it suited him. It was wild just like he was. She wondered absently how she had gone for so long knowing him but she had never really taken the time to assess him.

His hand hung limply in her own nimble ones as she continued to cleanse him. He hadn't made any noise or said a word to her since he had apologized to her in the alley. She wondered if the injuries hurt or not, usually when she would dress his wounds he would make a little fuss, hissing in pain every now and then, telling her to stop being such a rough tomboy about it and that next time he would just go straight to the fox doctor because at least she knew what she was doing. But this time he didn't make a sound, not even as she poured the disinfectant over his open wounds. She knew it had to hurt, he always grumbled at least a little at this point but still he did nothing.

Sitting as still as a statue, lifeless.

She finished washing off his hand, picking up the white bandages she began wrapping them tightly across the cuts. She watched as crimson blossoms developed on the snow white bandages… she would have to redress them again soon. Once finished she tied them off and let go of his hand where it fell onto his knee. Still he did not move.

She regarded the blood spatter on his face and decided to wash that away as well. Tentatively, she raised her hand that held the cloth and wiped the blood from his face. Abruptly, he recoiled from her touch as if he had been shocked by some unseen electrical current. The sudden movement caught Kaoru off guard and she looked up to him, wondering if she had hurt him in some way. His chocolate brown orbs connected with her own sapphire blue, the anguish held within them shined through and Kaoru felt the sudden urge to cry. He reminded her of a wounded animal and she wondered why he looked so desolate. Could he be feeling guilty about what he had done? Certainly not. Sano never felt bad about anything he did, especially when it came to a street brawl.

Before she could ask him what was wrong, he whispered to her, something so soft she could barely hear him "I'm sorry Jou-chan." he said.

'_Guilty it is'_ she mused, silently. She took a long, shaky breath before starting "If you're really sorry then you won't do something stupid like that again, Sanosuke. I'm serious. You could have killed someone. What if you hadn't stopped? What if you had killed that man? Do you really think you would be able to live with the burden that would bring? I mean, just look at Kenshin and how tortured he is thinking about the lives he took during the Bakamatsu. It eats away at him every single day! I couldn't let that happen to you… I wasn't around to stop Kenshin but I refuse to let you do the same, not while I'm here to prevent it."

To her extreme displeasure, Sano let out a low soft chuckle. Was he mocking her? What could he possibly think was so funny?

"Tell me Jou-chan, how is it that you can find time to be worried about me? Do you have any idea what they would have done to _**you**_had I not been there to stop them? Granted, you did put up a hell of a fight." He said, smiling wistfully as he remembered her dropping the taller punk. He sighed, allowing the smile to slip off of his face. "Do you even understand the twisted and foul ideas that were probably running through their heads? Let me just tell you they definitely weren't going to stop with just fondling you. They would have… they would have…" but he couldn't bring himself to finish his thought, the idea of something that horrendous happening to her was too much. "You don't ever need to be concerned about me when you, yourself, are in danger. You're right, had you not stopped me I would have killed him. Whether I would feel guilty or burdened by it later wasn't something I was worried about all I cared about was _**you**__._ At that moment it didn't matter to me whether he died or not, he was the threat to your safety, I was going to take care of it." He told her, his tone becoming more earnest as he reached the end of his statement. He desperately wanted her to start thinking of herself for once. She never did and if she didn't start soon she was really going to get hurt or worse. He knew his heart would not be able to bear the misery of losing her again. Once was enough.

Throughout his speech Kaoru had kept her gaze locked with his. The emotions that swirled within the depths of his eyes, things she knew normally he would not want seen, were exposed to her intense scrutiny. Sanosuke was never very good at hiding the things he felt like Kenshin was but even so she had never seen such a blatant display of emotion from him. She saw them all… astonishment, disbelief, anger that slowly bled into unveiled rage as he spoke of his desire to kill the man. Then after his lecture had finished, the rage dimmed into an overwhelming bleakness that settled there. What was that? What thought could have crossed his mind to make him look so unhappy?

She decided she would just have to ask to find out.

"Sano, if you want me to stop worrying about you and start thinking about myself, you will tell me right now what's the matter with you?" she asked him. "I _**know**_something is bothering you, it has been for a while now, so if you know what's good for you, you will tell me right now because you know I won't stop asking. What is it?"

To say he was shocked was an understatement. He panicked briefly, knowing full well, that he couldn't tell her what was actually bothering him. Like he could really tell her that his feelings for her were causing a war within his soul and slowly clouding his judgment so that he was unable to control himself when he was around her. No, that was absolutely not an option. He wouldn't want to burden her that way, with his feelings. He also didn't want to chance being rejected, which he knew was what would happen. She was, of course, in love with another.

Had he really been so transparent that she had been able to see he was suffering?

Or, rather was it she was just that in tune with him?

After all, he had never really been able to hide anything from her.

He shook his head slowly as his familiar cocky smirk replaced the frown that he had worn since he had left the dojo earlier that evening. How had this small woman wormed her way so deeply into his heart? He didn't think he had left himself open to it but somewhere along the line she had started to become so precious to him. Sano never really thought he would become so tied down by a woman, let alone Kaoru.

"Jou-chan, something tells me even if I did tell you what was bothering me you just wouldn't believe me." He said, before continuing "Just do me a favor, please Jou-chan, from now on start looking out for yourself. Put yourself first."

He grabbed her hand in his own placing her palm on his chest above his heart he locked his gaze with hers hoping to convey the severity of what he was about to say to her as his smirk melted from his face, replaced with a stern look "I don't think I could handle losing you twice Kaoru. Please don't leave me like that again."

Now it was Kaoru's turn to be stunned. First, the usually carefree Sano was acting very serious and second he had called her by her name, something he very rarely did. Kaoru, of course, had heard from everyone about how far Kenshin had fallen into despair when he had thought she was dead. How he had become a mere shell of his former self. But she had been unaware that Sano had been so deeply affected by her "death" and it truly touched her heart to know that he cared for her so much. She could feel his strong heartbeat beneath her hand and she silently thanked the heavens to have a friend like him.

"Dummy... I'm not going anywhere. Not now. Not ever again." she let out an exasperated sigh before adding "I will at least _**try**_ to start thinking about myself but I can't make you any promises. You know how I can be." she told him.

She removed her hand from his chest and moved to stand in front of him waiting for him to do the same so that they could exit the bathhouse and head into the dojo but he didn't stir.

"Sano, we should..."

Her words died on her tongue as she felt his hands grip her around the waist and pull her to him. He wrapped his arms around her midsection and buried his face in the fabric of her kimono. He was still seated so her entire body was situated between his legs.

He didn't say a single word, just inhaled deeply reveling again in the sweet smell that was Kaoru before exhaling, and repeating the process.

Kaoru stood completely still. She was thoroughly confused. It wasn't like Sano to hug… let alone hug her. Usually, he was more likely to pinch her, or muss the hair on her head. She didn't know what to do. She was well aware of what an intimate position she was in but something in the way Sanosuke looked tonight and the words he had said would not allow her to move away from him. If she were being honest with herself she would be able to admit that she didn't want to pull away from him. The embrace felt good. Sano's strong, muscled arms enveloped around her small waist, his hot breath seeping through her kimono to tickle her stomach, she felt safe here. Granted she would much rather be in the arms of a certain red haired samurai but this felt nice just the same.

Slowly, she brought her arms up to embrace him as well, clutching him to her she ran her fingers through the soft brown hair on his head. She heard him let out a soft sigh, he sounded content and she was glad she could bring some form of comfort to her struggling friend. Kaoru still couldn't be sure of what was troubling her friend but this seemed to be helping him. Why she chose to do what she did next, she may never know, but she bent down and placed a small kiss on the top of his head before letting go and pulling away from him slowly. He looked up at her with clear, bright eyes before a small smile blossomed on his face.

"Thanks, Jou-chan. I really needed that."

"You're welcome... just don't make a habit of it. Now come on, let's get inside and get some sleep before the sun comes up."

"You got it." he said.

Sano stood, flexing his hand he admired Kaoru's handiwork, he couldn't imagine how sloppy it would have looked had he tried to do this on his own, and he was once again reminded of just how much he needed her in his life. There had to be something he could do. Sure, she was supposed to be Kenshin's girl, but says who? What divine order had determined that before he had even had his chance? It was at that moment that he knew he couldn't just let it be, even if the odds were stacked against him he had to at least _**try**__. _He couldn't go through his life wondering what could have been.

The pair walked into the house silently not wanting to disturb the other residents of the household with their return. They padded down the hallway to their respective rooms both stopping before opening the shoji to return to the comfort of their own space.

Sano stole a sideways glance toward Kaoru and snickered when he realized she mirrored him exactly, her hand on the shoji and her eyes peering at him. He took two short steps towards her, his long legs making the distance between them seem that much smaller, before dipping his head down and placing a simple kiss on her cheek, one that came dangerously close to the corner of her mouth. He heard her quick intake of breath and smiled inwardly. Without pulling back he moved his mouth to whisper in her ear, his warm breath ghosted across the shell of her ear and slithered down the length of her neck "Goodnight, Jou-chan." He felt her shiver.

And then he was gone. Kaoru could feel her cheeks burning with a blush. What was that about? She could feel the fine hairs on the back of her neck standing at attention and her whole body tingled. She stumbled into her room bewildered; unrolling her futon she lay down, her forearm across her eyes and waited for sleep to claim her. The night had been far too eventful for her taste and she concentrated very hard on calming herself.

Unbeknownst to the two a pair of amber eyes had watched their entire exchange in the hallway before slipping back into his own room, snapping the shoji closed behind him.

* * *

Sano just can't seem to leave Kaoru alone, resolving that he will at least try to win her heart. How will Kenshin react and how will it affect their friendship? Will it force Kenshin to move forward with his own feelings for Kaoru? We shall see...


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I do not own ANY aspect of Rurouni Kenshin/SamuraiX, characters or otherwise. All rights belong to the creator ****Nobuhiro Watsuki. I do not make any profit from any of my stories, they are purely for fun.**

Hello again everyone! Let's see… Plenty of shenanigans in this chapter, I had quite a bit of fun at both Kaoru and Sanosuke's expense but I'm sure they'll be just fine. Sanosuke is being mischievous and Kaoru is forced to play along but she certainly gets him back. Please excuse Sano's awful, dirty, mouth he's awful this chapter.

Enjoy!

* * *

_**Chapter 6**_

_**The Spark**_

Kaoru groaned and rolled over on her futon her blankets and sheets twisted haphazardly with limbs. She yanked some of the offending fabric up and over her face trying in vain to block out the encroaching sunlight that was now pouring through her window. She wasn't ready to wake up just yet. Sleep had not come easy the night before and she wanted to at least try to sleep until she was forced to get up to meet Yahiko in the dojo. Lucky for her, her spiky haired protégé had the afternoon shift at the Akabeko so their training session wouldn't be too awfully long today. She could not think of any chores she needed to take care of today other than a quick trip to the market to pick up something special.

Hopefully the day would be uneventful and she could rest.

She could tell breakfast was well on its way to being finished as the smells wafted gently down the hallway and into her room. She smiled in spite of herself, though she knew he was cooking for everyone in the house it always made her happy to think that Kenshin arose early every morning to lovingly prepare food that he knew she would eat. After the years of providing for herself and being on her own, it felt good to have someone caring for her even in the smallest of ways. She just wished that he would allow her to care for him as well… in the form of his wife. She loved him so much but no matter what she did or how hard she tried he just would not accept her completely.

'_Perhaps… he doesn't feel the same way about me as I do about him'_ she thought. But that couldn't be true. Everyone knew that they belonged together. Megumi had even resigned to the fact that she knew they would be together ending all of her pursuits of Kenshin. In addition, all of Kenshin's adversaries had believed her to be his "woman" long before even a full healthy friendship had begun between the two.

But that's what everyone else thought. The corners of her mouth turned down as she contemplated her relationship with the man she loved. _'What am I to him?'_ she asked herself. She wondered exactly how he would describe her to someone else. Would he introduce me as a dear friend? Does he think of me like a sister? A lover? A landlord? Or am I just another individual in a string of others that he chooses to protect and help in order to repent for his past sins?

'_Surely I cannot compare to Tomoe. She was a true refined woman… not a sweaty little tomboy like me…'_

A single tear slid down her face as she continued to compare herself to Kenshin's true love, a woman she had never met but she was sure had been twice the woman she could ever be. After all these years Tomoe's memory still held so tightly to Kenshin's heart, making it nigh impossible for him to get close to anyone else. The same had been true for Enishi. The memory of his sister had driven him to the point of insanity. She must have been a wonderful person for so many people to have cared for her so deeply.

She shook her head back and forth vigorously as if the act would shake the gloomy thoughts from her head. She let out a strong puff of air that pushed her bangs out of her face then flung her sheets and covers from herself. She needed to get up. It was obvious sleep would not grace her with its presence again so there was no point in sitting and dwelling on things she could not change, events that occurred long before she had even been born.

She could not change the fact that Kenshin had loved and still loved Tomoe. She just hoped that someday soon he would learn to create a space in his heart and love her as well.

Then, suddenly, she got an idea. _'Maybe he doesn't know how I feel… or recognize it for what it is… I have never told him outright how I feel so maybe confessing to him would give him the clearance to move forward and accept my love' _The dismal stupor she had worked herself into only moments before vanished in an instant as she bounced towards her vanity to get ready for the day, her revelation seeming to be the correct answer to her.

Kaoru pulled at her braid, running her fingers through the plaits of ebony working out any knots she had managed to create during her night of unfulfilling sleep. Grabbing a tie she threw her hair up into her customary ponytail, fastening her favorite ribbon and turned towards the mirror. She noted the dark circles that were under her eyes and she sighed. Not much she could do to remedy them so she moved on to the task of binding her breasts, her gi and hakama already set out waiting for her to don them once she had completed her current task.

The sound of a sharp knock on her door startled her and she nearly dropped the roll of cloth she had been using. She quickly tied them off and pulled her yukata back on to make herself decent enough to answer the door. She opened it to find Kenshin standing there, his sweet smile gracing his lips, his eyes crinkling at the edges as he greeted her.

She felt her heart flutter in her chest.

"Good morning Kaoru-dono. How are you this morning?" he asked her.

"A little tired but nothing I can't handle!" she chirped, smiling back. She loved his smile, it was soft and gentle and warm. She loved everything about him.

"Oh, did you not sleep well last evening? What time did you get to sleep?" he questioned, not allowing the burning curiosity he felt leak into the tone of his voice. He knew exactly when she had actually retired to her room. He had also witnessed the events that had preceded her entrance to her quarters, which is what he was really interested in. No, if he wanted to get information on just why she had been carrying on with Sanosuke last night he would have to be tactful about it. Gently extracting things from her with innocent inquiries and observations until she revealed to him where she had gone off to last night and why she had allowed Sano to act so affectionately towards her. If he knew Kaoru, and he was fairly certain he did, any sort of accusation would put her off immediately. The last thing he wanted was an angry Kaoru on his hands.

"I'm not sure what time I actually fell asleep. I had a tough time last night, I suppose I just had a lot on my mind." She responded, and it was not lost on Kenshin that she did not meet his gaze as she related her evening to him. The slight coloring of her cheeks was also a point of interest for him and he felt slight annoyance at that. She shouldn't be blushing… she should be angry at Sano for being so intimate with her. She should have yelled at him or slapped him. That would at least have given Kenshin the go ahead to beat the other man into a bloody pulp, but she had just blushed and gone to her room.

"I see. Perhaps you could lie down for a while once you're finished sparring with Yahiko, ne? It should be a fairly quiet afternoon. Breakfast is ready now if, once you're dressed, you would like something to eat."

"Yes, that sounds nice. I'll be out shortly."

Kenshin turned and ambled down the hallway back towards the kitchen allowing the young woman her privacy. Upon passing his friends quarters he observed that he could not feel Sanosuke's ki from behind his closed shoji. In fact, Kenshin had not felt the ki of that man at all this morning which meant he wasn't here. Where could that idiot have gone off too? Especially, this early in the morning.

When he stayed at the dojo, Sano was notorious for sleeping in well past noon, eating whatever was left over from breakfast, and then lazing about all day. He decided not to dwell on it. The younger man would probably turn up sometime during the day… drunk and disorderly. Kenshin shook his head sadly. He wondered when his friend would get his act together and start putting his strengths to good use.

Breakfast was a quiet affair. All the dojo residents, minus Sanosuke, ate in silence after the normal pleasantries were exchanged. Though she didn't voice it, Kenshin watched Kaoru's eyes look over at Sano's vacant seat several times throughout the meal. She must be wondering where he was as well. He was more than a little perturbed by that. Sometimes Sano would disappear for days at a time without telling anyone so why did she care so much? That thought made Kenshin's nerves stand on end. The increased closeness between her and Sano had been troubling him for quite some time now but after what he had been witness to last night things had obviously progressed much further than he ever could have imagined. How had this happened? Kenshin had always prided himself in being rather skilled at reading others emotions and intentions but somehow this had slipped past him. He had noticed Sano's growing feelings for Kaoru but he had never anticipated her reacting to them. Granted, he didn't believe that she actually felt that way for Sano but things could end up turning in that direction.

He heard her pick up her dishes and place them in the wash bin before speaking to Yahiko.

"You have five minutes to meet me in the dojo. I want you to start out with 200 swings. For every minute you're late I'll add an extra 100 swings so you _**better**_ be on time" she told him, a bright smile illuminating her features.

"Yeah, yeah I hear you. I won't be late…" Yahiko mumbled as he threw his dishes in the sink and stalked down the hallway to get dressed. "She's such a hag…" he said under his breath.

"300 swings!" came the cheery reply and Yahiko hung his head silently cursing himself for not thinking his comment through ahead of time. He should have known she would hear him!

Today was going to be rough… he just knew it.

The morning sped by in a blur as Kaoru brutally trained Yahiko in the dojo, punishment for his earlier snide comment. Kenshin busied himself with the dojo resident's never ending mountain of laundry. There had still been no sign of Sano but he assumed the other man had gone to gamble for the day. With any luck he wouldn't get arrested. Kenshin didn't want any more run-ins with Saitou than were absolutely necessary. The thought made Kenshin laugh quietly to himself. His best friend was always getting into trouble.

He felt her approaching long before she ever stopped to stand behind him. He acted as if he had not known she was there. Kenshin learned long ago that people didn't like the idea that they would never have the element of surprise with him. He waited for her to speak.

"Kenshin, I'm going to head to the market for a while. I should be back soon but I'm not sure it will be before lunch time. If I'm not back before then please go ahead and eat. You don't have to wait for me" she informed him.

"Would you like this one to accompany you, Kaoru-dono? I'm almost done with the laundry, that I am."

'_Well, not quite done…'_ he thought.

"No, no you don't have to go out of your way to come with me." She said in a rush, her hands waving vigorously in the air. "I'll be fine on my own. Did you need anything from the market while I'm out?"

"No, thank you Kaoru-dono. Enjoy your time out." He said to her.

She smiled at him before turning and leaving out the front gate. Kenshin's eyes narrowed as she walked away. Something was very wrong. She never passed up an opportunity to be with him alone. Any normal day she would have jumped at the chance for him to accompany her to the market but today she had politely declined.

He sat for a long moment internally debating whether or not he should follow her to the market and shadow her movements but after heavily weighing the pros and cons he decided against it. If she found him following her he knew there would be hell to pay. She would want to know why everyone treated her so delicately. Ever since the incident with Enishi all the residents of the dojo had been extra vigilant when it came to her. There was not much she could do to get herself into trouble while she was in town. He decided to leave her alone, after all, he did still have at least three hours worth of laundry left to do…

Kaoru hummed quietly to herself as she wove between the other patrons of the market place stopping every now and then to admire the handiwork of an artist or seamstress. The day was absolutely gorgeous, the stifling heat of the day before had decided to give way just a little. The breeze was cool, it blew softly ruffling her hair and the birds were singing cheerful songs as they too enjoyed the weather. She wished she could have invited Kenshin to come along with her, it certainly would have made this beautiful day more enjoyable but she had an ulterior motive. She was here to pick up something she was having custom made for the red headed rurouni.

Kenshin's birthday was in a week and although in past years she had been unable to offer him anything other than the phrase "happy birthday", this year she had found a way to present him with a gift. Kaoru had scrimped and saved every extra penny she had earned in the past six months, even teaching a few extra lessons at other dojo's in order to raise the funds for his present. She could barely contain her excitement as she arrived at her intended destination. She had received a kimono from this shop for her birthday many years ago from her father. It had been one of the finest garments she had ever owned and she had been devastated when she finally grew out of it. She always swore that some day she would buy one for herself but had been unable to do so since she was the only one that made any income for the household.

Although, she didn't usually mind that she was the only one that worked to maintain their household she would sometimes wish she could get some help in that respect. Sure, Kenshin and Yahiko did their best with the chores around the house but clean laundry didn't pay for the exorbitant amount of food that the men she lived with consumed. Kaoru prided herself on being a fantastic bargainer in the marketplace but even then she could only stretch the meager amount of money she made so far. What little money Yahiko made at the Akabeko she let him keep and spend how he saw fit. Yahiko needed to learn to budget his funds on his own so that someday he could maintain his own household. Kenshin could work but he had already done so much for them all. He provided protection for the entire dojo at the expense of his own health and well-being, how could she ask him to do more? That left only one able bodied male left in their little group, Sano. If she had rolled her eyes any harder they may have popped out of her head and rolled down the street.

'_Yeah right…'_ she thought. _'Sano actually working. Not a chance.'_

Kaoru entered the small shop, she looked around at the impressive kimono's and other apparel that were strewn about before walking up to the counter and handing the elderly clerk her ticket. She had already paid for his gift and it had taken some time for it to be made but now it was finally finished. She could barely stand still as she waited for the clerk to return with the garment. Finally, the other woman returned with a plain white box. Kaoru slowly slid the lid off and she gasped as she laid eyes on the article of clothing. Inside the box lay a dark blue gi, midnight blue… almost black. She gingerly lifted it from its resting place to inspect it more thoroughly. The stitches were so fine and precise she found herself burning with jealousy. Her clumsy fingers could never execute such a feat, she was terrible at sewing. The fabric was soft but sturdy. It would be a perfect replacement for the old, tattered one that he favored so highly. _'I hope he likes it…'_ she thought to herself. She had been unsure of what color fabric to have it made of. He never stated a preference when it came to such things so she had chosen blindly. Not many colors really blended with the color of his hair either. His current magenta gi certainly clashed with it. But she couldn't have been more pleased. It had turned out beautifully and she couldn't wait to give it to him.

Hugging the fabric to her she placed her treasure back into the box, replacing the lid she thanked the proprietor of the shop then began her journey home.

Kenshin was trying, with some difficulty, to hold back the anxiety he could feel bubbling up within him. It was almost time for supper and Kaoru still had not returned from the market. Enishi kidnapping Kaoru was still raw and fresh in his mind and although there had not been any similar events lately he couldn't help but be worried. He would not be able to live with the guilt if she were harmed again… he wasn't even sure how he lived now. She was in constant danger just from mere proximity to him. He let out a ragged sigh. He had to go look for her, he wouldn't be able to function again until he knew she was safe. Unable to sit still any longer Kenshin ran out the door, grabbing his sakabatou on the way. He swung the gates open fully intending to use his god-like speed to propel him through the streets of Tokyo to find her. Unfortunately, just as he exited the gates he slammed into someone sending them both toppling onto the dirt road below.

"Oro!"

He looked down to see exactly who it was he had landed on top of.

"What the hell was that about Kenshin?" came a gruff voice.

"Sano?" Kenshin asked puzzled, pushing himself up off the younger man.

"Yup, that would be me." came the smart-aleck reply. Sano rubbed the back of his head in an attempt to soothe some of the pain. "Where were you heading off to in such a hurry?"

"I'm going to fetch Kaoru from the market, that I am." He told the other man. He brushed off his hakama before reaching out his hand to help his friend up from the ground. Sano took it without a word and hoisted himself up.

"And you needed to come flying out of the gate like a bat out of hell just to find Jou-chan and walk her home?" he asked sounding as doubtful as he felt. Kenshin did not reply. Instead he just stared down at the ground.

"Kenshin… how long has she been gone?" Sano asked in a firm tone, the only indication of his worry.

"Kaoru-dono left late this morning. She informed this one that she may not make it back for lunch. When I asked if I could accompany her, she said no…" he trailed off as the amount of time that had stretched between now and then truly sank in. She had been gone for hours… plenty of time for her to have been abducted or harassed or worse. Fear began to turn and knot his stomach as his mind conjured up terrible scenarios. He was torn from his descent into despair by the booming voice of his best friend.

"You let Jou-chan go out alone? Kenshin, what the hell were you thinking? You never know what kind of creeps there are just lurking in the streets waiting for women just like her to walk by so they can snatch them up and sell them to slave traders and the like." Sano shouted, visions of the incident the night before flashed in his mind, his fists clenched at his sides.

"She wouldn't let this one go with her, Sano! I'll admit she was acting strangely but I didn't think too much of it. Perhaps, she just got caught up gossiping with a vendor at the market?" Kenshin offered, lamely.

Sanosuke growled, his irritation with the smaller man reaching a breaking point. Kenshin had never shown, what Sano considered, blatant disregard for Kaoru's well-being before. Didn't Kenshin care about Jou-chan? Wasn't he supposed to be in love with her? Why the fuck would he let her go out alone? He was supposed to protect her and keep her safe.

He brushed past the smaller man roughly, knocking Kenshin off balance slightly. The red head swayed until he righted himself. The taller of the pair was tired of this conversation and he knew if it continued it was going to end in a brawl. Sano decided he would just go find Kaoru himself.

"Sanosuke! Where were you last night and why was Kaoru with you? Obviously, you had to have run into some trouble since your hand is wrapped up. Would it have anything to do with why you're so worried now?" Kenshin asked, his voice low and menacing. Hardened amber had begun to bleed into the usually soft violet eyes of the rurouni.

Sano turned around to look at Kenshin, disbelief sweeping onto the features of his face for a moment. He knew he should be scared… this was, of course, the most feared killer of the Bakamatsu but at the moment Sano couldn't care less. Kenshin had failed, in Sanosuke's humble opinion, and he wasn't about to have him try to intimidate him. He took one step towards Kenshin so that they were standing face to face. Sano lowered his until it was on the smaller mans level, he stared him directly in the eye.

"_**I **_would never put Jou-chan in danger." He said, the accusation thick in his voice. "She came after _**me**_. Some thugs tried to mess with her and I beat the living shit outta them but don't you ever act like _**I**_ would intentionally put her in harms way. My past doesn't come looking for me."

Sanosuke fully expected to be on the ground unconscious by now… or perhaps in the middle of a fight he knew he had no chance of winning but instead of fighting Kenshin's eyes slowly cleared into the usual amethyst and before Sano could ask him what was going on, he saw her.

Kaoru was running towards the dojo as fast as her legs could carry her, her kimono pulled up well past her knees to allow her to run in the outfit.

'_Kenshin must not want Kaoru to see him this way' _he thought as his muscles began to relax, his fists unclenching. He wished he had the kind of control Kenshin did. Once Sanosuke was angry it was very hard for him to control his emotions and keep them in check. Kenshin could hide the aggression that lay beneath the surface from Kaoru to protect her, Sano could not.

Just as she was about to reach the two by the gate her wooden sandal caught on a rock sending the package she held in her arms to go sailing through the air and herself falling fast to the ground. She closed her eyes tightly bracing for the impact, her hands out in front of her but was surprised when she felt an arm circle around her waist, a sweet barrier between her and the unforgiving ground. Slowly, she cracked her left eye open to see Kenshin, his eyes wide and his mouth open as if he were trying to speak but couldn't make the words he wanted to say obey. Clearly, he had not been the one to catch her. She rotated in the arm that now cradled her, coming face to face with Sano. His mouth turned up at the corners to create the boyish smirk he so often wore. She hadn't even seen him standing there before she fell. Her eyes had been completely focused on Kenshin the whole time she had been running.

"Hi-ya Jou-chan" he said, leaning down to her.

His face was so close to hers and Kaoru recalled that the last time she had been this close to him he had kissed her… not a kiss on the lips, but a kiss just the same. She felt heat rising on her cheeks and she saw the twinkle in his eye_. _

'_Oh God. What is he up to now?' _She thought.

Kaoru had almost forgotten about the red headed rurouni until he wrenched her from Sano's arms and he turned her to face him. He was smiling at her but it wasn't right. At first glance it looked like his usual, gentle smile but she noticed the way his face seemed pinched. As if he was straining to keep the expression there.

"Kaoru-dono, are you alright? You were very late returning home, this one was beginning to get worried."

Kenshin was still trying to understand how Sano had gotten to Kaoru before he had, how had he been faster? Kenshin was closer to Kaoru than Sanosuke had been and yet he beat him to catch her.

"I'm fine Kenshin. My sandal must have gotten caught on something." she said looking down at the offending shoe menacingly. "I didn't mean to be home so late but I ran into Tae-san on the way back and I stopped for a few moments to speak with her. I'm sorry"

"Haha! Jou-chan just has two left feet is all. She couldn't walk on a completely level floor without finding something to trip on!" Sanosuke laughed. Whereas Sano's smile could be described as boyishly cute, his laugh was more akin to a dogs bark. It was rather loud and rude sounding.

"Sano, you jerk!"

For the next few minutes Kaoru continued to beat the rooster-headed gangster until he had several large bumps and a bloody nose.

Brushing off the dirt that had collected on her kimono Kaoru straightened herself out. She realized, a little too late, that she had been carrying something when she tripped and she looked over to see Kenshin had already picked up the package.

Before Kaoru could even ask for it back from him Sano (somehow recovering from his severe beating) sauntered over to Kenshin, unceremoniously plucking the package from the other man's hands.

He placed it next to his ear and shook it, trying to surmise what could be in the box. His brows furrowed, it didn't make much noise and it wasn't very heavy.

'_What the hell could it be?' _he wondered.

"Oi! Jou-chan what is this anyway?" He asked, already beginning to remove the lid to peek inside.

"Sano, what do you think you're doing? Give that back to me right now!" She said, her raccoon-like tendencies already starting to show as she fumed. She jumped frantically trying to seize the package from him but he held it just outside her reach.

A crafty smile blossomed on the young man's face, this had the potential to be fun.

"What'll you give me if I give it back to ya?" He asked her, taking on a salacious tone that made both Kaoru and Kenshin's eyes widen.

"Sano…" Kenshin warned, his voice was low and his eyes were shielded by his bangs.

"No, Kenshin… it's okay…" Kaoru soothed him.

Kenshin's eyes snapped up to look at Kaoru. She couldn't be serious, could she? She wasn't actually going to play along with the rooster-head was she?

Kaoru didn't have much experience in situations like this but she had to get that package back. She would be devastated if Kenshin found out what she had gotten him for his birthday ahead of time. On the way home Kaoru had resolved that on his birthday, after she presented him with his gift, she would confess her feelings to Kenshin. She would tell the red headed rurouni exactly how much he meant to her, how much she loved him, all of him. His past, present and future. She wanted it all. That's why she _**had**_to get that package back from Sanosuke.

She was going to have to play dirty. Putting on her most alluring expression (she hoped) she took a few slow steps towards Sano until she was directly in front of him. She was so close that she was very nearly pressed up against him, she could feel the heat pouring off his body, and feel his breath on her face as he inhaled and exhaled, waiting for her to make her move.

She cast the full force of her sapphire blue gaze on Sano and she saw his cocky façade crack just a little. She smiled inwardly, allowing herself that small bit of satisfaction.

"What is it that you would want from me, Sanosuke?" She asked in a husky tone, using his full name. Pushing herself on to her tip-toes she allowed her body to brush against the length of his and she heard his quick intake of breath.

'_This is kind of fun'_ she thought. _'Wait! What am I thinking? This is ridiculous. I'm only doing this to get Kenshin's present back'_

Before she could put anymore thought into it she reached up her hands and threaded them in the soft brown hair at the nape of Sano's neck. "What can I possibly offer you?" She asked in a teasing tone, twisting a few of his locks around her small fingers.

"Oh… I dunno Jou-chan… I could think of quite a few things right now" Sano replied, a little more breathlessly than he would have liked. His blood was singing in his veins and it felt as if every single nerve in his body was standing at attention.

"Oh really?" she drawled, sounding bored, as if she were grocery shopping rather than trying to play this little game Sano had started. Her head felt dizzy. She had never really used her "assets" as Megumi had once called them to influence a man before. When it came to feminine charm, to say Kaoru was lacking, was an understatement. This was all new to her but the power that she felt right now was intoxicating, knowing that you had someone in your influence was stimulating. And it didn't hurt that Sano was so attractive. That just made it all the more enjoyable.

The fog in her head cleared as Kaoru's mind ran over her previous thought.

'_Sano… attractive… enjoyable? I definitely should not be thinking about that!'_

She needed to end this little game she had gotten into. Kaoru had the feeling that she was getting in over her head at this point. She had only engaged in this because she needed something back from him. It was time to do something a little drastic.

Kaoru forcefully pressed her entire body against Sano which caused the groan he had desperately tried to hold back fall from his lips and the surge of pleasure that it evoked within her frightened her. She needed to get herself out of the situation now. She pulled his face down to the level of hers and brought her mouth to his, their lips almost touching.

Sano's mind was racing, she wasn't going to do this was she? Certainly not right in front of Kenshin… no she wouldn't ever want him to see that. Would she?

"Sano…" she whispered his name.

He could taste her breath in his mouth and it made his head swim.

*Plop!*

In all of the excitement going on, Sano dropped the package that had started the entire incident, it slipped from his fingers but gave it little thought. His attention was focused completely on the small woman that, at the moment, had him right in the palm of her hand.

Kaoru let a small smile creep onto her face. Now she needed to punish Sano for putting her in the position to act in such a way.

"Sano" she whispered to him again.

"Yeah, Jou-chan?" he asked, his eyes had closed, anticipating their kiss.

"You are a world class chump" she said, and before he could regain his bearings she brought her wooden sandal down hard on his right foot.

"OW! What the FUCK was that for, you stupid raccoon-girl! Ugh! I hate you!" Sano roared as he hopped around on his left foot, cradling his right foot in his hands. He was fuming.

"That's what you get for acting like a jerk! You're such a pervert!" She screamed at him as she bent down to retrieve her package. She turned to Kenshin, realizing for the first time that he had been standing right there during her and Sano's entire exchange. He had witnessed it all. His eyes were still wide, his mouth slightly agape.

"Oh my god… Kenshin! Kenshin are you okay?" She screeched, beyond worried. She couldn't remember the last time, if ever, that Kenshin had looked that surprised.

Snapping out of his daze Kenshin turned his violet eyes to Kaoru and replaced his rurouni smile. "This one is glad that you made it home alright Kaoru-dono. Shall we head inside?" He asked her, offering his arm for her to take.

Kaoru smiled brightly at Kenshin, relieved that he didn't mention or seem too concerned with what he had just witnessed. Not that she knew if he would care, but she hoped he did. Besides, Kenshin was the one she loved and she planned on telling him that very soon.

She took the offered arm, and the pair made their way into the house leaving a very baffled Sanosuke standing in front of the gate to the dojo. He shook his head back and forth. For as angry as he was right now he couldn't help but feel slightly accomplished. Though she would probably never admit it, she had _**wanted**_ him, even if it was only for a fleeting moment. He had seen it in her eyes, witnessed the spark that ignited there and felt it in her body when she had pressed against him. He would have given the world to have kissed her but he needed to be patient now. If he waited just a little longer he just might have a chance with her.

His grin grew wider as he headed in the direction of the bathhouse, he was more limping than walking after Kaoru had crushed his foot, he needed to get cleaned up.

* * *

It seems things between these two are really starting to heat up, Kaoru's becoming more of aware of Sanosuke as a man, possibly regarding him as more than just a friend. The next installment is really rather short, so I apologize in advance. Kaoru will be receiving some news that doesn't necessarily sit well with her. I may update again sometime this week, depending on how things work out with the other story I'm currently writing. Lots of thoughts bouncing around in my head, need to sit down and organize them all.

Thank you for reading, please leave me a review if you'd like, I love them!


	7. Chapter 7

Back again! I apologize in advance for how short and uneventful this chapter is but it's setting us up for some MAJOR events. Please read on!

* * *

_**Chapter 7**_

_**Heavy**_

Kaoru stared at the far wall of the dojo, her eyes not necessarily focused on any one thing. She really should be watching Yahiko to make sure he was performing his kata correctly but she just couldn't manage to observe him for any extended period of time without becoming engrossed in her own thoughts again. Lately her mind was so weighed down with thoughts she wondered how she could even stand to keep her head up. The past few days had been relatively calm. Kenshin didn't seem at all affected by what had happened outside of the dojo a few days ago, she still trained Yahiko even though she was a little distracted. If the boy had noticed he made no mention of it.

Things were pretty much back to normal… except Sano was never home during the day anymore. He would be gone long before she ever rose from bed, he would return late in the evening looking tired and completely filthy. He was still the same old Sano but he seemed a little more subdued these past few days. He would take his bath, eat, and head directly to his room after thanking Kenshin for dinner. Yes, he actually _**thanked**_someone for something! It was just weird!

Sano had barely spoken to her since their little incident and that hurt her more than she was willing to truly admit. She wondered if he were still angry with her. She did tease him quite a bit after all… not to mention the fact that she smashed his foot. She winced at the memory. Still, if he was still angry he certainly would have let her know though, wouldn't he? She didn't like the idea that he might be distancing himself from her. She also found it suspect that he didn't let her know what he was doing during his days away from the dojo. Usually, he would let her know where he was headed to or at least mention where he had been. If she didn't know any better she would think he was hiding something. That made her angry, where was he going? What could he possibly have to hide from her? Sano, if no one else, was someone she could count on to tell her the truth about everything, why would he take to deceiving her now? She wondered if he possibly started working as a fighter for hire again, she didn't like that idea one bit but he wasn't coming home with any fresh injuries…

"Oi! Busu! Earth to Kaoru! HEY! Pay attention to me!" Yahiko yelled in her face, waving his arms around dramatically to catch her attention.

"Huh? I'm sorry Yahiko, what were you saying?" she asked in the same distracted tone she had carried all week.

Yahiko sighed loudly but made a conscious decision not to roll his eyes, which at the moment was exceedingly difficult. Something was bothering Kaoru and he knew it. Several times throughout their training session he'd had to pull her from her day dreaming and she hadn't even reacted to any of the insults he had thrown her way. She was preoccupied and Yahiko knew that made her all the more dangerous and unpredictable. One wrong move and he could end up with his arm in a sling, a broken leg, a black eye, and who knows what other kind of damage her bokken could evoke in her perturbed state. Best to play it safe and not draw attention to the fact that he knew something was wrong. If he could just get through his lessons today he could run over to the Akabeko and help Tsubame and Tae-san out for the rest of the day. He wasn't scheduled there today, in fact it was his day off, but with the way Kaoru was acting he didn't want to stick around the dojo and find out what her problem was. As Yahiko got older he gained very important bits of wisdom and one was to avoid women at certain times of the month, he assumed this was one of those times for Kaoru.

After another half an hour of unsuccessfully trying to teach her lesson to the young boy she told him he could have the rest of the afternoon off. Yahiko didn't argue with this decision, running off as fast as he could before she could change her mind and give him chores to do… or worse… tell him her problems. He shuddered as he went to his room for a quick change before he headed off to see Tsubame.

* * *

Kaoru walked through the empty dojo, dusting here and there, tidying up she tried to keep her mind occupied. But, as it had the entire week, it began to wander. Her heartbeat began to pick up its pace, her breathing became a little more labored as she thought about what she would be doing in two evenings. In two days it would be Kenshin's birthday. She would give him the present she had gotten for him and then, with any luck, she would be able to give him her heart and he would accept. She was so nervous and edgy, it would be any wonder if she could even get the words out of her mouth to tell him how she felt. She prayed every evening that it would turn out the way she wanted it to. She needed to tell Kenshin how she felt and she wanted him to say he felt the same way. This was a major turning point in their relationship. Kaoru would be taking it to a different level, she knew. The question was whether or not the relationship could make it to that new level.

"Kaoru-dono" Kenshin called, poking his head in through the doorway of the dojo.

Kaoru turned around so swiftly she very nearly lost her footing, her hand flew up to her chest and she tried to regain her composure. Kenshin could move absolutely silently when he wanted to.

"Kaoru-dono! Are you alright? This one didn't mean to frighten you, that I did not." He apologized, walking over to her he placed a soothing hand on her shoulder.

"You didn't scare me Kenshin. I was just a little surprised, is all. I didn't hear you come in"

"My apologies, Kaoru-dono. There is something I need to tell you, that I do. Would you mind if I took a few moments of your time?" He asked her as he folded himself onto the dojo floor, he patted the space next to him, inviting her to join.

Her heart picked up its accelerated pace once again. It must have been important if he sought her out to speak with her. She looked around for a moment, surveying the dojo. It was completely quiet. Kenshin had waited until they had been alone together before he had come to speak with her. She sat down next to him, swallowing loudly and turned her questioning blue eyes to meet with his gentle amethyst. What could he possibly need to discuss with her? She was full of anxious anticipation as she asked him.

"Of course, Kenshin. What is it?" she implored with her eyes.

"Kaoru-dono, this is something I've been meaning to tell you for some time. I think it's about time that you knew, that I do." He began, cautiously. His gaze was moving back and forth between her face and the sign that stated Kamiya Kaoru as the master of the dojo on the wall behind her. He wrung his hands in front of him.

"Yes, Kenshin…" she managed to squeak out. Her heart was beating so fast she wouldn't be surprised if it either pounded out of her chest or stopped completely. This couldn't be what she thought it was, could it? She had thought she would be the one to bring about this conversation, but here Kenshin was, about to tell her what she hoped she wanted to hear most.

"Kaoru-dono… this one… I…" he tried again, struggling with the words he wanted to say. He cast his gaze to the ceiling, begging Kami to help him find a way to break this news to Kaoru without getting himself pummeled to death by the young woman.

The excitement and anxiety was almost too much for her to bear and it took every ounce of self control Kaoru had not to reach out and violently shake Kenshin until he spit out what he was trying to say.

Kenshin cleared his throat as he returned his eyes to hers and he took on a serious air as he broke the news to her. "I spoke with the police chief a few months ago. There is a mission that they need my assistance with, that they do. I've been meaning to tell you for quite some time and I wanted you to be the first to know. I just didn't know how to go about telling you. I didn't want to worry you."

Kaoru felt her heart sink as she tried in vain to wrap her head around what he had just told her. Those were not the words she had expected to hear and she was angry with herself for ever thinking it could have been anything different. She felt extremely embarrassed, though no one had known what she had been thinking. Kenshin was not here to confess his feelings for her and she scoffed mentally at herself. Her mind had been so preoccupied with the notion for days now so she had incorrectly assumed that was what he wanted to talk about. She had incorrectly read his anxiety at telling her of his departure for something else.

'_Of course he didn't come here to tell you he loves you, stupid… Why would a man like Kenshin ever love a violent little girl like me?' _she thought bitterly to herself. She bit the inside of her cheek as hard as she could without drawing blood to try to hold back the tears that threatened to spill from her eyes.

She listened half-heartedly as he continued on with details she didn't particularly care to hear. There were only a two things she needed to know now.

"How long?" she asked in as level a tone as she could manage.

He blinked a few times when she cut into a speech he had been practicing the past few weeks with a question of her own. "I'm sorry Kaoru-dono. What?" He asked, slightly ashamed that he had not been paying enough attention to her to hear the question when she first stated it.

"How long will you be gone, Kenshin?" she asked again, her voice sounded considerably more strained this time. She still held a steady gaze with him as she spoke.

A pregnant pause passed before he honestly answered "….I don't know". For a moment, he debated on whether or not to elaborate on the situation. Kaoru had a right to know what was happening after all and he didn't want her to worry needlessly over him for who knew how long.

"This won't be like other tasks I've taken on in the past, Kaoru-dono. The situation, however, is something that I am partially responsible for. You see, once Enishi disappeared after our fight at his compound, his second in command, Woo Heishin took over the syndicate before it was able to spiral out of control. Police Chief Uramura and his colleagues discovered that he is now using the organization to bring more illegal fire arms and weaponry into Japan, for what, we do not know but we're certain that once they reach the country it would be devastating. It would not be so bad if the trouble was localized here in Japan, however, Enishi had business relations with arms dealers all over the world so it's possible I may not even be staying in Japan for much longer. I will have to travel from country to country to shut down the operations of those contacts that Heishin is now using in order to effectively dry up the flow of illegal arms. I can't help but feel somewhat responsible for this situation. If it weren't for my past, Enishi would have never become what he was and the syndicate would not exist, but because it does I will go to fight to protect Japan and those I hold dear." He finished, looking at her he tried to gauge her reaction but she just looked back at him stoically. If it weren't for the slightly pinched appearance of her features he would have thought she was completely unaffected by this news.

"I understand, Kenshin. Though I don't believe you are responsible for this circumstance, I know you will go to stop it, and I know you will succeed. All I will ask of you is to please be careful, take care of yourself, and write when you can." She whispered, unable and unwilling to speak louder, lest she shatter her fragile emotions further.

A glint of sadness touched Kenshin's eyes as he looked at the woman he cared so deeply for. He was hurting her, again. Though she said she understood, and he knew she did, he had heard the pain in her voice. He could see how her eyes shimmered with unshed tears, and his heart broke for her and once again his thoughts flickered to his constant internal debate. Though he loved Kaoru, he could not be with her. The sins of his past would forever keep them apart.

He knew that if he gave her what she wanted, if he chose to accept her love and allow her to share his life with him, there would be countless moments like this one. Kenshin would have to tell her that he was leaving on another assignment or mission, she would try to be brave and hold back the tears for him, and he would leave. He knew she would let him go. Every time, without complaint but what sort of life was that for her? She would have to endure months on end alone without knowing whether or not her husband would come back to her. He couldn't always rely on Sanosuke and Yahiko to take care of his wife for him. That wouldn't be fair to anyone.

And what if they ever had children? He wanted to believe that he would be able to stay and build a life with her, to put down his sword and rest. But deep in his heart he knew, until his dying breath, he would do the work that he had promised to Tomoe. He would continue to aid and comfort those throughout Japan that needed him to repent for the offenses of his past.

As much as he loved her and wanted to be with her, he knew it could never be. He would be more of a burden to her life and knowing that, but still taking her as his wife, would be selfish. Kenshin was not an innocent, he couldn't believe that love would conquer all the way Kaoru could because in reality, it couldn't. He also knew that he didn't even deserve her after the life he had lived. He was unworthy of someone so vibrant, beautiful, and loving. His life had no place for love any longer. Any hint of innocence he had possessed died the day he picked up his sword to kill for the Ishin Shishi. Any chance he'd had to deserve everlasting love died that day in the snow with Tomoe. Kenshin had his chance long ago and he had ruined it in a flurry of violence and blood. Though the opportunity for happiness presented itself again, he knew he was undeserving of it.

Besides, if Kenshin were truly being honest with himself, he knew he wasn't over Tomoe. He never would be. She had shown him the path to salvation, opened his eyes to a way of living he would have never seen on his own and for that he would be forever indebted to her.

Kaoru would be better off with someone else. Someone who wouldn't always abandon her, someone that could love her, protect and cherish her.

'_Someone like Sano…'_ he thought absently.

'_Wait, what?'_ Had he really just thought that? True, Sanosuke was one of the most reliable and loyal people he knew, excusing his laziness. He was strong enough so he could certainly protect her and although Kenshin was loathe to admit it, the man did indeed love Kaoru.

He was shaken from his inner contemplations when Kaoru moved to stand, straightening out her kimono as she rose. With her back turned to him she asked when he would be leaving.

"This one will be leaving in two days time, that I will. They have asked that when I leave, I travel on foot, at night to avoid detection from our opponents. We don't know what sort of spies or informants they may have employed but we can never be too careful. I do not know when exactly I shall return, that I do not…" He told her. She said nothing to this as she continued to stand, her back facing him.

Kenshin stood and reached out a hand, placing it gently on the young woman's shoulder.

"I'm sorry Kaoru-dono."

"Don't apologize, Kenshin. I understand. If you'll excuse me I have a few things to attend to." She said, dislodging herself from his touch she walked out the door, through the still courtyard, continuing on through the gates until he could no longer see her retreating form.

Kenshin sighed heavily. He knew she was going to be upset when he told her that he would be leaving but it was always difficult to see her so upset. When he touched her he had felt her body shaking with the strength she was exerting to keep herself from falling apart. It had been so long since he last had to leave her. Not since Shishio had he voluntarily left their home so he knew it would be hard for her to take.

He would not go after her though. He knew she needed time to come to terms with the situation and he would grant her that.

He closed his eyes and listened as the wind rustled the leaves on the trees, in the distance he could hear the wind chimes on the far side of the house. When he did leave he would miss this.

A place to call home.

* * *

Kenshin really needs to stop almost giving Kaoru heart attacks.

I apologize for how uneventful and short this chapter is. Also, for the lack of Kaoru and Sano action but don't worry, the next installment will bring us a few moments of fluff from our favorite little alternate pairing, so just bear with me until then!


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: I do not own ANY aspect of Rurouni Kenshin/SamuraiX, characters or otherwise. All rights belong to the creator****Nobuhiro Watsuki. I do not make any profit from any of my stories, they are purely for fun.**

I must admit, this chapter is pure fluff. I wanted some Sano/Kaoru action so I made it happen.

* * *

_**Chapter 8**_

_**Accidental Awareness**_

Kaoru had been running for quite some time, though she couldn't be sure of how long exactly. She was not running to any particular place, she just wanted to get as much distance as she could between her and what she had just gone through. Tears streamed down her face now, uninhibited. Her lungs burned as each sob wracked through her body, she could barely breathe and she couldn't be sure if it was due to the intense pace of her running or the severe surge of emotions that were warring inside of her small body.

She was no longer on any of the main roads in Tokyo, only a narrow dirt road beneath her feet. It was leading out of the city, trees lined either side of the road and in the distance she could see a field that seemed to stretch on into oblivion as it melted into the horizon.

After a while she was unable to keep up with the pace she had been pushing herself to go and she slowed to her normal gait. Her breathing was still rough and labored but the air here didn't seem as heavy as it had within the boundaries of the bustling city. She took a deep breath, filling her lungs to capacity with the fresh, clean air of the countryside. It felt as though the pure air washed away some of the awful pain she was in. She was starting to feel a little better now only a few small sobs shook her body. She was sure she looked atrocious but she couldn't bring herself to care enough, there was no one here to see her anyway.

Walking across the field she found a clearing in the middle of what seemed like millions of wildflowers of every color. It looked as though the heat wave had not ravaged the landscape here to the same degree as it had within the city. She sat down in the clearing, making herself comfortable, she plucked a nearby white flower and twirled it between her thumb and index finger. It wasn't until she was sitting still that she realized just how exhausted she had become. She had indeed kept up an extreme pace when she had run, but she had paid no mind to where she was headed and now wasn't sure where she was. Kaoru had never ventured this far away from the city on her own before and she wondered just how long and fast she had been running.

She decided to take a breather as she lay down in the soft grass. The flowers smelled so sweet, she made a mental note to pick some and take them home with her when she decided to leave. She closed her eyes, she felt the warmth of the sun soak into her skin. It was a comforting feeling, it reminded her of the embrace of her mother. Though she couldn't remember exactly what her mother had looked like or recall exactly the way her voice sounded she could still remember how safe and warm it had felt to be in her arms. It was a feeling she cherished and only ever experienced something close to it one other time in her life, the night Kenshin embraced her when he left for Kyoto.

Her thoughts drifted back to the little field as a breeze rustled the flowers around her, their sweet aroma stronger now due to the disturbance. This place really was lovely. Perhaps she and Kenshin could come here for a picnic. She broke off from her previous thought as she felt the stinging of fresh tears in her eyes. She squeezed them shut even harder, refusing the drops of moisture. She couldn't cry anymore. True, he had not told her what she had wanted to hear and yes, he would be leaving them for quite a while but she still had two days. Two days to tell him that she loved him. Two more days to change the course of their lives, hopefully, for the better.

Kaoru wondered, again, what would happen when she finally confessed to him. Would he be relieved because he too felt the same? Would he be angry with her because she had completely misinterpreted his kindness? Would he think she was foolish for loving him?

She couldn't be sure what would happen but no matter how hard she tried, her thoughts always drifted towards the negative. It was strange, she was normally such an optimistic person but when she thought of revealing her true feelings to Kenshin she got a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach, though she brushed the feeling aside as it was probably just her nerves.

She sighed heavily, she rolled over onto her stomach, laying her head down on her arms. She wanted to stop the barrage of thoughts that were constantly racing through her mind lately. She just wanted some peace. Kaoru kept her eyes closed and focused completely on the sounds of nature around her. The chirping of birds, the rustling of the leaves in the wind, and if she really concentrated she could hear the distant sounds of water. The exercise was helping her to relax both her body and mind. Quieting her constant evaluation of her life she was able to fall into a peaceful, dream filled sleep.

* * *

Sano was completely beat. Every inch of his body ached, even when he was fighting guys ten times his size he had never felt this bad. Making an honest living was a hell of a lot harder than he thought it would be.

After the incident with the thugs in the alley assaulting Kaoru he had felt the almost fanatical need to prove himself to her. He wanted to show her the kind of man he could be, the man he was. He had been freeloading off of her for far too long, he had never shown her his respectable or desirable qualities and now he wanted to. Sano had come to realize that he wasn't lazy, he just never had anyone he wanted to be good for. He never had anyone to prove himself to, outside of a fight. He had never wanted to prove his worth to anyone because he had never loved another enough to do so.

He had not slept that night, the night Kaoru followed him out of the dojo. The occurrences from earlier had run a continuous loop in his head until he couldn't stand to be in his small room any longer. He had waited to leave until he knew she was completely asleep, listening until he heard her steady, even breath. He didn't need her following him… again. But she had been through quite a bit that day and he was confident that this time she would stay in her futon where she belonged.

No one in the house had stirred as he left, walking through the empty streets of the city. He was in need of a job.

He figured he could do just about anything so long as he didn't have to think too much. Sanosuke knew he wasn't stupid but he sure didn't have the brains or education to do something like accounting. If he wanted a job he would have to rely on the brute strength he possessed. He passed by the docks… he could work on a fishing boat. He wasn't really too fond of the sea though and he wasn't sure how long the work would keep him away from Kaoru. He didn't want to be without her if at all possible. He would keep it in mind but would pass on it for right now.

He walked around aimlessly for hours, the sun was now starting to come up and he still had not thought about what he could do for work. People were finally starting to trickle into the streets, vendors fighting for their places in the marketplace. He saw several large men walking in a group, laughing loudly with lunch pails in their hands. _'They must be headed off to work…' _he thought to himself absently. Then he got an idea! If he followed these guys he could find out what they did and maybe find himself a job.

'_Good thinkin' Sagara!' _he praised himself mentally before traipsing off behind the other men.

The men had walked well outside the city limits before finally coming to a stop and at first Sano couldn't tell why. What was there to do here? Looking around he finally came across a pile of huge hammers and large metal spikes. In the distance he could see the slight glint of metal and a familiar pattern. It was a railroad! These guys were working on building a new railroad. Sanosuke thought about it for a minute. He could definitely handle the work, hell, he was probably stronger than most of the men here. But he _**hated **_trains. He'd ridden in one once before and it had scared him half to death. But Sano definitely needed a good job. He needed to make some money so he could at least try to make it up to Kaoru for the years of freeloading he had done. So, even though he was against locomotives completely he figured he could build the rails… just so long as he didn't have to get close to a train.

He wasn't exactly sure who was in charge of this operation so he asked the guy who was closest to him.

"Hey pal, who's in charge around here?" he asked. He was surprised to see that the person he had asked couldn't have been more than two or maybe three years older than he was. Well, that was good. They were willing to hire young.

"And just who the hell do you think you are, punk?" He asked Sano, looking up at the tall youth from behind long, grown out bangs. The man was shorter than Sanosuke but still tall compared to the others. His light brown hair was tied back into a ponytail at the nape of his neck, his clothes were dirty, slightly worn and clearly too small for him. He seemed altogether ordinary except for his eyes. The man's eyes were green, a deep emerald and the intensity that shone from them was enough to make any man take a few steps back. Sano wondered if he were a foreigner or possibly of mixed blood. He'd always wondered the same about Kenshin but it was impossible to truly know as the man had no recollection of his life before he met his shishou, Hiko.

"Who, me?" he asked, looking around as if he had no idea whom the man would be speaking to. "I'm Sagara Sanosuke. Who the hell are you?" he said, a sly smirk slid onto his features.

Instead of getting angry the other man just let out a short laugh. "You ain't too bright are ya? You know, talking to people like that could get someone like you into a heap of trouble. S'pose it don't matter much, though. You want a job, huh?"

When Sano shook his head to indicate that he did the other mans bright eyes swept over him in appraisal, assessing whether or not he could take this kid seriously.

"I dunno… you seem kinda scrawny to me. You sure you can handle this kinda work? It ain't easy."

"Are you kidding me? I can handle this job, no sweat." He said flexing his arms to emphasize his strength.

The other man laughed loudly at Sano's display, deep guffaws emitted from him. It was a few moments before he could control his laughter enough to speak again. "You're a weird one kid. The name's Kohei, nice to meet ya. We might be able to use ya around here after all, if for nothing else a few laughs" he said to Sano a smile on his face now, amusement twinkling in his green eyes.

"Oi, Shouta-kun! This kid here thinks he's got what it takes to work here. Whattya think?" Kohei said, jerking a thumb in Sano's direction to indicate who he was speaking of.

Shouta, as he was called, turned from whom he was speaking with to see who Kohei was talking about. Sano's eyes went wide and his jaw nearly hit the ground beneath him. The man was _**huge**_! Shouta was a bear of a man. His hair was short, cropped close to his head. His eyebrows were large and bushy and he had a thick, dark beard adorning his face. He was tall and built like a brick wall. He was a thick man, not lean like Sanosuke, but you certainly wouldn't call him fat, either. Though he was thick it was pure muscle and you could tell that he was strong. Sano thought that phrase "built like an ox" fit this man to a T. He wore a shirt with no sleeves and what looked like a worn brown leather vest overtop of it. His arms were enormous, the size of tree trunks. You could tell manual labor was something he had being doing all of his life. Sano noted that he wore no shoes on his massive feet. Sano had watched as the burly man walked over toward himself and Kohei, no expression gracing his face. He stopped in front of Sanosuke, surveying the young man with a trained eye. Sano was sure plenty of guys came here looking for work who thought they could tough it out, only to realize later that they couldn't handle what they had gotten themselves into.

"What's your name boy?" Shouta asked, his deep booming voice reverberating off the hills in the distance. He looked Sanosuke directly in the eye and the tall youth couldn't help but notice that this man's eyes were as black as coals.

"I'm Sagara Sanosuke. Who the hell are you?" he retorted, repeating the same thing he had said when Kohei had asked him the same question.

He heard someone snicker behind him and though he couldn't be sure he knew it was probably Kohei.

Shouta, didn't seem to be amused by Sano's answer as he narrowed his eyes at the ex-gangster. "Smart mouth you got there, huh?"

"Yes, sir. I'd have to say it's about the only smart thing about me" Sano said, his cocky smile holding steady on his face.

Shouta wasn't sure what to make of this guy. This Sanosuke seemed like every other smart-mouthed, scrawny brat that had come around here before but there was something about the confidence that seemed to emit from the kid that had Shouta's curiosity peaked. It wasn't the false confidence that came with youth, this was a certainty for Sanosuke. This kid had been through some trials in his life to make him that way. There was an air of determination that he carried with him. He didn't usually take on guys so young, they were usually nothing but trouble and ended up being useless lay abouts in the end or worse... they tended to be careless and got themselves hurt. He needed to know just how strong this kid was, he wanted to see what he was made of before he could make a definitive decision, he wasn't interested in wasting his time.

Without saying another word Shouta brought his fist up fast, connecting hard with the underside of Sanosuke's jaw, sending the young man flying through the air. Sano landed on the ground, flat on his back, his limbs placed around him haphazardly. No one spoke a word as several minutes ticked by as they all waited for the young man to get back up. He didn't

Shouta cracked his knuckles, annoyed. "Kohei, why the hell did you even bother with this one? He can't even take a punch, ain't no way he's gonna make it around here."

Kohei waved his hands in front of his face furiously "Hey, boss! He seemed like a good one to me, I thought he would be tougher than that for sure." He scratched his head, he was rarely wrong when it came to new hires. He wondered what could have gone wrong.

"Che, I ain't bothering with anymore guys you got in mind Kohei." Shouta said, and though he wouldn't admit it to the others he was a little disappointed too. He had thought he had seen some potential in the kid, must've been wrong.

"Geez, you guys really are ball busters huh? Don't count me out yet." Sano said, standing, he wiped the back of his hand across his mouth, smearing the blood that had trickled from his lip.

"No way! He… he got up!" Kohei said, a bright smile illuminating his features once again. "I told ya boss! I knew this one was a scrapper."

"Huh… tougher than you look you little brat. Alright, you got the job." Shouta said, walking towards Sano he clapped his hand on his shoulder.

"Thanks, boss." Sano exclaimed, a goofy grin spread across his face.

Kohei walked over to the other side of Sano, smiling apologetically "Sorry I didn't tell ya about the interview for this job. It's a little rough"

* * *

That had been over a week ago now. Although, the work was hard and tiring Sano couldn't help but grin happily to himself. Today he was bringing home his first wages from his very first honest job. He felt thrilled to be able to give something back, even just a little, to the woman who had done so much for him.

The sun was setting on the horizon, casting an orange glow onto the landscape. He actually enjoyed the long walk home from work. It gave him time to clear his head and think about the things that were important to him now. Every evening his thoughts would drift to Kaoru and for once he didn't feel burdened by that, he would recall their last interaction. The way she had felt pressed against him, the sweetness of her breath on his face, the glint of desire in her beautiful blue eyes. He bit the inside of his cheek, suppressing the heat that was rising within his body. It was a memory he would cherish and remember for the rest of his life. Except the part where she had smashed his foot. He was still a little pissed off about that, but not enough to argue with her over it. He had kept his distance from her this past week because he wasn't sure he would be able to control himself. That and he was just plain exhausted every day when he got home from work. She had not spoken to him either though which worried him a little. He hoped she wasn't too angry with him for the stunt he had pulled. He really hadn't meant for it to get so out of hand but now he was glad that it had. He'd seen a glimmer of hope emerge in that situation. He just kept reminding himself to be patient. Show her what he could offer her and then if she still decided not to love him, he would leave it at that. At least he would know that he tried.

Sano took a deep breath, inhaling the fragrant scent of the wildflowers that grew in the fields that surrounded the area. Moments like this he truly cherished. The air was still and quiet here but not eerily so. It was peaceful.

Something dark caught his attention from the field to his left. He was puzzled, what the hell could that be? It was too big for any of the stray dogs that sometimes roamed around the area and it certainly wasn't big enough for any other wildlife he could imagine that would be out here. He walked closer to the dark patch in the middle of all those flowers to inspect.

It was a girl!

Curiosity piqued, he began to move towards her, unaware if she needed help or not. The scent of jasmine reached him as he drew closer, which was strange considering no jasmine grew in the immediate area. It blended with the sweet smells of the wildflowers that he was currently standing in the middle of. He knew before he reached her who it was. He kneeled down next to the girl and brushed the hair from her face. Kaoru stirred a little at his touch but not enough to wake her. At first, he had been concerned for the girls well being, but upon further inspection he had realized she was just sleeping. He could see the steady rise and fall of her chest as she lay there. Her eye lashes fluttered every now and then as her blue eyes moved behind the lids. He couldn't tell if her dreams were pleasant or not, but he hoped that they were.

Sano knew he needed to wake her. He wasn't even sure why she would be this far from town and that thought bothered him. He could see that she has been crying though the tears had long since dried. There were still streaks down her face from the path of the drops as they had traveled. Her eyes were still a bit puffy but it had obviously been a while since she had been crying.

He reached his hand out again, intending to jostle her just enough to wake her up. Stirring the young woman in her sleep was tricky business. Sometimes she had the habit of thrashing around when she first woke up and he wanted to avoid that at all costs. He was already dead tired and sore to the bone. He didn't think he could handle a beating from Kaoru, intentional or not, this evening. He scooted back a bit and shook her shoulder, gently.

Nothing.

He tried again, this time with a little more force.

Still nothing.

Sano let go of an exasperated sigh and scratched his head. This wasn't working. He was going to have to try a different tactic.

Standing up, he took a few steps back before cupping his hands in front of his mouth, he inhaled deeply then yelled "HEY RACCOON GIRL! WAKE UP!"

It worked.

Kaoru shot straight up into a sitting position, startled and bewildered. She looked about her wildly to find the source of the noise that caused her abrupt awakening. Then she saw him, her bleary eyes settled on Sanosuke whom she could only assume had caused the offensive racket. What was he doing here anyway?

She stretched her arms out above her head and yawned widely. She rubbed her eyes vigorously for a moment trying to remove the blurriness in her vision. She blinked several times before turning her attention back to Sanosuke. She was irritated that he had woken her up in such a rude manner.

"What're you doin here, Sano?" She asked, her sluggish speech making the words run together. The proper annoyance in her voice was not construed correctly but she paid no mind.

"I think I could be asking you the same question, Missy" he shot back at her.

Kaoru hesitated for a moment as her mind back tracked through the day's events. She didn't want to tell Sanosuke why she had ended up here. It was embarrassing and he would certainly laugh at her for stupidity. She wasn't ready to tell him that Kenshin would be leaving either since she had yet to truly accept it herself.

"I don't really want to talk about it. I wanted to go out for some fresh air so I did. I walked in this direction because I've never been out this way before." She stated before adding "It's beautiful here."

Sano let her words sink in deciding not to push for more information about why she was here or why she had been crying before replying "It is, Jou-chan. I can agree with you there."

"…But" he continued "you really shouldn't be going around all on your own especially this far from the dojo. After everything with Enishi and then that night in the alley… you never know who you could run into."

She glared at the tall man standing before her. "I can handle myself, Sanosuke." Her tone was low and firm, a warning. She was tired of being looked at as weak. As some helpless damsel in distress all the time. Couldn't she walk down the street on her own, for God's sakes? She was a fighter! She was master of the Kamiya Kasshin Ryuu and she did not need an escort everywhere she went.

Her tone left no room for argument, but Sano being who he was decided to ignore it and continue.

"Yeah, I know you can. That's what is great about you. You're strong and I know you can handle your own but sometimes we all get in over our heads. I don't want to see that happen to you again. Kenshin has made some powerful enemies over the years and it's not beneath them to use you to blackmail him. Remember the talk we had that night? I begged you to start using your head and think of yourself. Of your safety." He told her, trying to refresh her memory.

Shades of pink bled onto her cheeks as her mind recalled the events of that evening in the bathhouse. She had pushed those memories to the back of her mind in recent days as she had been too consumed with her thoughts of Kenshin, but now that he was forcing her to think about it she did remember their conversation. She also remembered the embrace that was shared and she couldn't help it as the heat rose on her cheeks. It had been an intimate moment and it had occurred shortly after she realized that she was attracted to the tall ex-gangster.

She gasped out loud as she ran over her last thought again. She was attracted to Sano. Even if she wanted to she wouldn't be able to deny it. Kaoru's mind had been unable to process that fact but her body certainly had. She had begun to blush around him now, not just when he told her dirty jokes that he heard in the gambling house. Her body responded to him the day outside of the dojo when she had tried to retrieve her gift for Kenshin from him and she had enjoyed the embrace they had shared in the bathhouse. How could she betray her feelings for Kenshin like that?

"Whoa, Jou-chan! You okay? You look like you've just seen a ghost or somethin'" Sano asked, wondering why she had gasped and why she was sitting there with her mouth wide open. He walked over to her and knelt down beside her, bringing his face closer to hers so he could decipher what she was thinking about.

His voice broke her train of thought, effectively cutting off her inner monologue. "It's nothing rooster-head. Yeah, I remember our talk about thinking about my safety but I distinctly remember saying I would _**try. **_I didn't make any promises."

An annoyed grunt passed the gangsters lips "You are the most stubborn person I have ever met. It gets real tiring…" He said back to her, rolling his eyes. He had so many questions he wanted to ask her but he was too tired to continue speaking and she clearly was in no mood to talk. If he pressed her for more information in her agitated state there was no telling what she would do.

The sky had already darkened and stars were beginning to pepper the twilight sky. He held his hand out to her "Come on, Jou-chan." She hesitated for a moment before she placed her smaller hand in his, deciding whether or not her annoyance outweighed his kind gesture. He stood up, lifting her with ease as he did so. It always amazed him how small she seemed when he was next to her. It made the instincts to protect her that much stronger. He knew she was strong, he really did, but it was that primal need for a man to protect the ones he loved that made the urge to do so very hard to ignore. He wanted to be able to allow her to be on her own but there were too many risks even in this "peaceful" Meiji era. That fact had been proven to them time and time again.

Once she was to her feet Kaoru brushed off the blades of grass that had collected on her clothing and smoothed out her ponytail. She bent down and plucked a few of the flowers that she thought smelled the best to take home. She wanted to put them in the vase in her bedroom. The beautiful blossoms would bring color and life to her room. They would also serve as a lovely memento of this beautiful place that she had found. She brought the bouquet to her face, inhaling deeply, a bright smile broke across her face.

Sano stood silently watching her as she gathered the flowers that all looked the same to him but she selected them with a trained eye. She seemed happier here, not the way she had when she was at the dojo. Lately, at the dojo she seemed full of nervous energy and she spaced out a lot, her eyes held a faraway look. He watched as she brought her flowers to her face to smell them. A lovely smile spread across her features when she did this and he couldn't help but smile as well. It made him happy to see her happy.

Bending down he picked up a light purple flower that he didn't know the name of but it was beautiful, just like her.

"You ready?" He asked her, it was getting darker by the second and it was a long journey home.

"Uh-huh! Let's go!"

He chuckled at the light tone of her voice. She seemed to be in higher spirits than she had when he had first come across her. He reached out to her and very gently tucked the purple flower into her hair.

Sano noticed that she blushed furiously at his actions and he couldn't help but feel pleased. He ran his hand down her left cheek, feeling the smoothness of her skin, thankful that there was no scar there. That physically, Enishi had left no trace of his presence on her.

She stared at him, eyes wide as he looked at her. His expression was so soft and gentle that she wasn't even sure she was looking at Sano anymore.

Before he had a chance to think about what he was saying the words flowed from his mouth, as natural as breathing "You really are beautiful, you know that?"

Kaoru's breath caught in her throat and she was sure her face was as red as a radish. She wasn't exactly sure how to respond to his comment. He couldn't have been serious. This was Sano! He spent most of his time picking on her with Yahiko, calling her raccoon girl or ugly.

She cast her gaze down to look at her feet as she spoke in a hushed tone "It's not nice to mess with a girls emotions like that, Sano. Don't say things like that if you don't really mean them…"

"What are you talking about, Jou-chan? I meant what I said." He declared loudly. His face had turned quite red as well. He had not meant to voice his thoughts out loud but now that he had, he needed to run with it. Sure, he could have just blown it off as a joke but he knew that would hurt her feelings, something he just couldn't bring himself to do.

But he had to do something to break this tension. "C'mon, you have to know you're pretty… for a raccoon girl I mean…" he mumbled for good measure, though his heart clearly wasn't in the taunt. He kept his gaze averted from her, too afraid to look upon her face.

"Thank you, Sano" she said as she allowed herself a small smile. It was always nice to be complimented… even if he did it in a backhanded sort of way.

She sighed heavily before making the decision to grab his hand, pulling him along behind her.

"Come on roosterhead, let's get home!"

"Yeah, yeah I'm coming." He replied. Had she looked back at him she would have noticed the softening of his features at her gesture. For him, he was just happy that she didn't seem to have any intention of letting go of his hand. At least not for now.

* * *

I love these two so much! Personally, I think they're a perfectly compatible couple and oh so much fun to write about. Anyway, I have a little bit of bad news. This is the last update I'll be making until sometime in May. I have a lot of things going on in my life (moving into a new place, work, personal relationships, etc.) and several other issues that need my attention more than my fics at the moment and I just don't feel like I would be able to create quality work while I'm focused on so many other things. So, I apologize for that but I promise not to disappoint with the next chapter. Please bear with me until then, don't lose your faith in me! With your support I know I can make it through and still continue to write material you can enjoy. Please leave me a review, it'll definitely serve to brighten my day!


	9. Chapter 9

I am so sorry that this chapter took me so long to post, I was focusing heavily on my other story that is currently in progress. I meant to have this up some time last week but life just didn't have that planned for me so here it is now!

* * *

**Chapter 9**

_**Departure**_

**Disclaimer: I do not own ANY aspect of Rurouni Kenshin/SamuraiX, characters or otherwise. All rights belong to the creatorNobuhiro Watsuki. I do not make any profit from any of my stories, they are purely for fun.**

The pair walked in relative silence on their journey home. It was completely dark now, the sun had set, allowing millions of bright stars to shine against the velvet black of the night sky. The air was thick and heavy as the heat from the day dissipated and the humidity came to fill its place. It seemed they could receive no comfort this summer at any time of day.

Sano chanced a glance at the small woman that walked beside him. She had not removed the flower that he had placed in her hair or her hand from his. Unconsciously, he had started to run absent circles along the back of her hand with his thumb. He realized this to his chagrin, the digit coming to a stop as he ceased his ministrations. He wondered if she minded the gesture but if she objected to this contact she did not voice it. Her face did not hold any sign of discomfort either.

They passed a few people on the streets toward their home and he wondered what others thought when they saw himself and Kaoru together. Holding hands as they were they probably seemed like a happy young couple. He wished it were true, that she was his, but he knew the truth.

As they neared the small bridge that would take them to the side of the street the dojo was on Sano stopped, he wanted to share something with his companion. Confused Kaoru looked up at her friend wondering why he felt the need to stop before crossing the bridge. His face, however gave away nothing. It was completely blank. Was there something wrong with it she couldn't see?

Without a word Sanosuke bent down and ruffled the tall grass that grew along the banks of the river with his left hand sending what seemed like hundreds of tiny fireflies drifting into the air. A surprised "oh" left her lips as they blinked all around her, illuminating the balmy night, shining like little stars that were now within her reach. Her eyes returned to Sano's face again as the fireflies continued to dance around them. His expression had not changed but she could see the merriment in his eyes. He was enjoying this.

"How did you know they were there?" she asked.

He shrugged, looking over at the still water of the river, he could see the reflections that the insects cast on the surface. It made it seem like there were twice as many of them flying around.

"They're always hiding in there this time of year. I thought you might like to see them. You like nature and stuff, right?"

"Yeah, I do. It's beautiful, Sano. Thank you." She said, though she sounded distracted. Her eyes had taken on that familiar distant look and before Sano could ask what had gotten into her she spoke.

"This actually reminds me of another evening a lot like this one when I stood by the riverside with the fireflies. The night when Kenshin left for Kyoto…"

To this, he said nothing. He had forgotten all about that incident. The time after Kenshin had left for Kyoto. That was probably due to the fact he remembered more of the aftermath. Kaoru had been the only person he had said goodbye to, in this very place, that night. She didn't get out of her bed for days after he left. She didn't eat or sleep. Not soon after, Sano had left her as well to search for their red headed friend. He felt foolish now for not thinking about that before he had stopped here. He wondered if it distressed her, standing here, remembering those times that seemed so long ago now.

She worried her bottom lip between her teeth for a moment, internally debating if this was the best time to talk to her friend, before she spoke again "Sano, I don't know if he's told you yet or not, but Kenshin will be leaving again…"

This declaration seized his attention.

"What? When?" He demanded.

"In two days he will be leaving. He'll be gone for a long time. He isn't really sure when he will be able to come back… his supervisors refuse to give him a timeline… he just told me this afternoon."

'_Well, that explains the puffy eyes and the tears…'_ he thought.

The longer she stayed silent, the more sullen her face seemed to become. She had not really thought about just how long he would be gone until this moment. She had been too distracted by her embarrassment when she had assessed the situation incorrectly. It felt like it was now a reality instead of just an idea that he would be leaving, like voicing it had brought it into action. There was no telling how long it would be before Kenshin came back… or if he would. Her mind refused to accept that possibility however.

'_Kenshin has never failed before, he'll be fine…'_

"What the hell? Is this guy serious? Damn, it really burns me up that he can just drop everything in his life to go fix the disasters that those government scumbags create. And what about you, Jou-chan? How is he just gonna up and leave you like that again?" Sanosuke's booming voice made Kaoru jump a little.

Kaoru watched as her tall friend got increasingly worked up about the situation, all for her sake. He was upset because Kenshin would be leaving them again, he would leave her again. She knew she would be lying to herself if she said she didn't feel the same. Though she knew that was what he would always do, she couldn't help but feel hurt by it. The government used Kenshin for his strength and often times she wondered if they would even care if he died so she really couldn't understand why he was always so eager and willing to help them.

"Jou-chan?"

"Hm?"

"… Why do you let him do that to you?"

"What?" She said, astounded.

He grit his teeth before biting out "I said, why do you let him do that to you? Why do you let him walk all over your feelings like that? I mean, does he even care that this is going to upset you. Does he wonder how you're going to feel while you wait all that time for him to return? Why do you let him run off and help others, when he can't be bothered to help you?"

Kaoru was astonished by the words Sanosuke had spoken. They had been sharp and had pierced straight through her heart. She felt hot tears beginning to form in her eyes and a lump formed in her throat. Unknowingly, he had hit a raw nerve within her. She had silently pondered those exact ideas to herself for quite some time. Did he care about her or not? Sometimes his actions screamed that he did and others it seemed to be clear that he did not. It was confusing, frustrating, and quite frankly, hurtful.

She wrenched her hand from his, a deep frown set on her face. "He does care, Sano! I know he does, if he didn't then why did he come for me when Enishi kidnapped me? Or Jin-eh? What about all the other times he's stood in the way of danger to protect us? To protect me! I can't believe you said that. I can't believe that you would even think those things about Kenshin!" She screamed back at him, her tears were brimming over now. She was furious. She was angry at Sanosuke for pointing out the things she recognized, but refused to acknowledge. She was angry that Sanosuke was blatantly looking over all the good Kenshin had done. She was angry at Kenshin for not being there for her when she needed him to be. But most of all, she was angry at herself because despite it all, she still loved him and she would always tolerate it.

"I know he cares…" she began again, this time more quietly. "…but the sins of his past make it hard for him to stay. In order to atone for the things he has done he feels the need to help others and sometimes that overshadows what I want. How could I ask him to stay with me when there are people out there who need him more? How could I ask him to stay with me when I know he needs to do this to repent for the things he did in the Bakamatsu?"

"I… I love him, Sano. And because I love him I would never ask him to stop helping others. It would be selfish and inexcusable of me. It's the closest he can get to inner peace and I couldn't, no, I won't deny him that…"

Sano stayed silent through the entirety of her speech as she tried to make him understand why she always put herself last. He couldn't understand it, no matter how hard he tried. He was trying to make her see that it wasn't fair to_**her**_ to do that. He wanted her to see that Kenshin was never going to give her the things she wanted in life. It seemed they were on different sides of the same coin. She wanted Kenshin but he was never going to give her the life she wanted, whereas Sano would give it to her freely without a second thought but she didn't want him, and that made him angry. Sano wanted to give her that life, he wanted it for himself as well. It made him furious that she couldn't see that.

Sano laughed without humor at her words. He didn't particularly find them funny but it was the only way he could think to convey the anger he now felt. "Che, well then I guess that's your problem. You know, one of these days you really will take my advice and start thinking about yourself because right now, you're not… and it makes you look like a fool." He replied coldly. He wanted to keep his tirade going and let her know that originally Kenshin had not gotten off his stupid ass to rescue her. Sano had been the one that wanted to avenge her, to save her, not Kenshin. He wanted to… but he couldn't.

The tone of his voice made her shiver and once again his words cut through her. She was dumbstruck by how callous he was being. He had never spoken to her this way before. It seemed he was deliberately trying to upset her. She was furious but she couldn't deny that he, in a way, was right. But that didn't mean she needed to let him know that.

"You know what Sano if I had wanted your opinion I would have asked for it. If you're going to be so… so… cruel then I don't need to speak to you!"

Angry tears continued to travel down her face and a small hiccup escaped her throat. She was furious that he was able to get this reaction out of her. He didn't deserve any space in her thoughts if this was how he was going to treat a supposed "friend".

She turned on her heel and stomped across the bridge without giving him another glance. She was done with this conversation and she was done with Sano. Kaoru had bigger things on her mind at the moment and she didn't have the time or energy to devote to the ex-gangster.

Sano heaved a labored sigh as he watched her walk away. He ran his hand down his face in exasperation. He did not intend for the conversation to head in that direction but it really did get under his skin that she allowed Kenshin to play savior to the people of Japan at her expense. And though his words had been harsh, they were true. She was being a fool. Kenshin would never be able to give Kaoru what she wanted but if she didn't want to see that it was her own damn fault.

He stood in the street for an extended moment, debating whether or not to head home or to the gambling house to rid himself of some of his frustrations. Unconsciously, he closed his right hand, searching for the warmth that hers had provided only minutes before. Upon realizing that he became annoyed and shoved his hands in his pockets. He struck something with his hand and pulled it out of his pocket. He jingled its contents, the money he had earned from his job. To gamble or not to gamble? He scowled, no matter how angry he was at Kaoru he couldn't justify blowing this money on a few games. He could, however, justify just one bottle of sake. He had earned at least that much, right?

* * *

Kaoru kicked through the gates of the dojo not caring how much noise she was making or destruction she was causing. The force of the blow caused the hinges to crack. She stomped in the direction of the bathhouse, her anger and her tears she was sure made her look dreadful and she wanted to avoid talking about why she was so upset. She threw the door to the small room open and headed straight for the water. She kneeled by the bucket of water cupping her hands she lowered them into the cool wetness before bringing them up and splashing it on her face. The cool beads of moisture trickled down her face and neck soothing some of the heated anger she felt. She never would have thought Sano could be capable of such harsh words, at least not directed at her. The two had always been open with each other and their relationship had always been light and happy. She told him almost everything, but lately he seemed on edge. His words hurt her more than she wanted to admit.

After repeating the process a few more times she dried her face with a nearby towel. She sat on the floor of the bathhouse for a moment, gathering herself. This was the very place she had first felt something for that rooster-headed jerk. She huffed and reminded herself that she didn't have time to think about him. Turning, she walked back into the courtyard of their home.

For the first time she noted how eerily quiet it seemed to be. She could tell Yahiko wasn't home, had he been he would have come running when she kicked the gate down. She winced as she looked to see the damage she had done. Sure she had been angry but that was now one more thing on her seemingly endless list of repairs that needed to be made to the dojo. As she walked through the house her anxiety grew. The kitchen was empty and nothing had been prepared for supper. Surely Kenshin would have cooked for himself at the very least, right? She continued on down the hallways until she was standing in front of his door. Her heart was hammering in her chest as she placed her trembling hands on the door. She held her breath as she threw the shoji back exposing the inside of his room to her eyes.

Her worst fears were confirmed as her eyes swept over his empty living quarters. Kenshin's futon was neatly folded in the corner of the room but all of his personal effects were gone, not that he had much to begin with. If she hadn't known any better she would have sworn he never lived there at all, every clue to his existence had been wiped away, like footprints in the sand erased by the tide.

Her hand went to her chest as she sank to her knees. Her heart clenched painfully and though she wanted to cry, tears refused to come. He said he wouldn't be leaving until tomorrow so why was he gone? Why did he leave without saying goodbye? Kaoru's head was swimming. She could not understand why he had gone about leaving in this way. She had not even had a chance to tell him how she felt about him, that she loved him. What about his gift? She had been unable to give it to him before he left. Why did he insist on making this difficult for her?

It was exactly like Sanosuke had said, he had not thought about her before making his decision.

But wait, she needed to calm herself down. Her thoughts were irrational, this couldn't be right. Kenshin would not have left without saying goodbye to all of them. Especially, without saying goodbye to her. He always had before, even when he had left for Kyoto with the intention of not returning he had said goodbye to her.

She bolted upright into a standing position so fast it made her a little dizzy. Kaoru ran to her room, picked up the white box that contained his birthday gift and ran as fast as she could in the direction of the bridge.

Her feet barely touched the ground as she flew down the street and she was thankful that there were few people out wandering at this time. She only passed a few people on her way there but she paid them no mind.

She could see the bridge now but she didn't see any sign of the red headed rurouni. Upon reaching her destination she doubled over trying to catch her breath. She inhaled gulps of air until she was finally able to breathe normally again. She stood again, clutching her package to her chest like her life depended on it. She desperately hoped she wasn't wrong. She hoped he knew she would come looking for him here.

Kaoru didn't have to wait long as she heard some rustling to her right. She turned her eyes in the direction of the disturbance and there, among the fireflies, was the love of her life.

The smile that broke across her face was full of happiness and pure relief. The painful pressure in her chest was dissolved in an instant.

"I knew you would come, Kaoru-dono." He said in his usual polite voice.

"I always will." she replied back, breathlessly.

He smiled at her, though the expression was tinged with sadness. This was the last thing in the world he wanted to do, to say goodbye to her, but he needed to. She needed to move on with her life because he knew he couldn't move on with his, he would forever be tied to his past, never able to continue forward.

After hours of intense contemplation this afternoon, Kenshin had finally come to a decision…

"This one appreciates that, Kaoru-dono."

She laughed nervously "You scared me, Kenshin. I thought you really left without saying goodbye this time."

He tried not to flinch as she spoke. The truth was, he had tried, so many times before but she needed some form of closure. After all she had done for him she deserved that much.

"I apologize, Kaoru-dono. I did not mean to worry you. I received word late this afternoon that I needed to leave this evening instead of the next. I wanted to let you know sooner but you had not returned home yet. This one needs to leave with as little commotion as possible." He said, without meeting her eyes.

"I understand, Kenshin. You still don't know exactly when you will be able to return, do you?" She asked, knowing it was a stretch. He was never able to give a realistic timeline for a mission because there were too many factors unforeseen.

"No, I do not."

"I see… well then please have a safe trip. Take care of yourself."

"I'll be sure to do that, that I will."

"Kenshin?"

"Yes, Kaoru-dono?"

She handed him the package that she had been holding onto for dear life "Happy Birthday"

He was stunned, it was a moment before he was able to regain his composure enough to reach out and accept the gift.

"Thank you, Kaoru-dono. This one doesn't deserve a gift but I do appreciate it."

"It's my pleasure, Kenshin. Open it!" She said, smiling.

He could see the excitement in her eyes and though he felt guilty to accept the gift, he knew it would hurt her if he declined it.

He opened the lid carefully since he didn't know the contents that the box held. His eyes fell upon what seemed a dark bit of cloth. He removed it, unfolding the garment he held it up to discern what it was. His breath hitched as his eyes took in the midnight blue gi that he now held in his hands. The garment was exceptionally well made, it was a far cry from the tattered and worn magenta gi that he currently wore. He ran the tips of his fingers over the fabric, it was soft but sturdy. It must have been expensive and he wondered just how she had raised the funds to pay for something so extravagant.

The gift was lovely but there were two problems with it. The first was he didn't deserve something so thoughtful and well crafted. The other reason was, without her knowing, she had chosen the _**exact**_ color that he had worn when he had been an assassin for the Ishin Shishi. It was the same midnight-blue that he had worn all those years ago as he stalked his prey in the shadows on the streets of Japan. It was the same exact color he had worn the day he killed Tomoe.

His breath was coming in short, shallow gasps as he continued to look at the garment. Kenshin's hands were shaking but he didn't seem to notice. Before his eyes, his mind conjured up visions of blood and gore from his past. Something about the color of the gi had triggered all of his worst memories and he was helpless as they replayed themselves. The images of blood draining from the bodies of the men he had cut down. He remembered the feeling of the slick blood as it would coat his hands and his blade, the metallic smell of the liquid. He recalled watching the life in the eyes of his victims dim until their sight was no longer able to reach the living world. His stomach lurched as each memory danced before him eerily and a cold sweat broke out across his brow.

Kaoru was alarmed by the state of Kenshin's distress. As far as she could tell there was no reason for it, which heightened her anxiety. Perhaps he didn't like her gift?

"Kenshin, are you alright?"

He heard her voice float to his ears and he focused on that alone, hoping to find some purchase for his sanity through her. His breathing still labored he brought his eyes to settle on her face and the scene he saw stopped his heart dead in his chest.

Instead of seeing the lovely, vibrant woman he knew her to be, Kenshin was greeted with his worst nightmare. Kaoru's eyes were open but didn't seem to be focused on anything. They were vacant and cold, no life behind them. There was a gaping, bloody wound in her chest and crimson ran like a river from her cheek that held a cross shaped scar, just like his.

He let go of a pained scream, and fell to his knees, clutching the sides of his head with his hands. He dug his fingernails into the flesh of his face over and over again. He needed to stop these delusions, it had been so long since he had fallen this far into the violent madness of his past. Now it seemed to be spiraling out of control. He knew that Kaoru wasn't injured, that this was just some sort of sick illusion, but he just couldn't get it to stop. He couldn't bring himself to look at her, afraid to see what he had done to her, though indirectly. He knew Kaoru had not actually died by Enishi's hand but the ordeal she had to endure had been due to his proximity to her. The guilt was too much to bear. He was losing sight of his scope of reality.

"Kenshin! Kenshin! What's wrong?" she asked again, her voice was strained with the panic she felt. She had seen Kenshin struggle before, sometimes while doing the laundry he would stop what he was doing and stare off into space and she knew at those times that he was remembering the past. She was beginning to realize that was what was happening to him now. She had to save him.

She knelt down in front of him and gently pried his hands away from his face. She didn't want him to cause more damage than he already had to himself. Blood oozed from the self inflicted wounds, most heavily from his scar which, though a decade old, looked fresh. She placed her hands on either side of his face and tried to bring his gaze to meet hers, but he refused. Kaoru tried again to force him to look at her and she again met with resistance.

"Please Kaoru-dono, please. Just leave!" he begged her, his voice cracking as his volume increased.

His request hurt her deeply. Kenshin had never asked Kaoru to leave. Not even when she had come to Kyoto to see him had he asked her to leave. She knew he had not been happy to see her there because of the danger she would be in, but he had not asked her to go. Was she the reason he was perturbed?

"What? Why? I can't do that Kenshin. You're not okay, you need help."

"Please…" he begged, tears began falling from his eyes, mixing with the blood already on his skin, causing the new wounds to burn.

"No. I can't… Kenshin I don't know what's going on but I'll do anything I can to help." she said.

Her statement only seemed to agitate the rurouni further. He wrenched himself from her hands and stood, his eyes taking on a deadly glint as he finally looked down at her. He wanted her to stop trying so hard to bring him salvation because he knew she could not.

"You can't save me, Kaoru-dono! There is nothing you can say or do that will help me. I am a murderer, a demon! My hands, my _**soul **_is steeped in the blood of the men that I slaughtered. I was a cold blooded killer back then and even now part of that man still resides within me. It's a war between Battousai and rurouni every time I fight. Every time I pick up my sword against an enemy I have to struggle with what I am." He told her and even in the dim light coming from the street lamps she could see the flecks of amber burning within his gaze.

She could feel the man that she loved slipping away as she assessed his piercing eyes. What Kenshin said was true and she had known that all along. She couldn't save him. There was nothing she could do for him but she refused to sit by and feel helpless. She had to at least try.

"I may not be able to save you Kenshin but I do not believe that you're capable of killing any longer. I know that you struggle with Battousai but you are always able to overcome that part of you. You never liked killing, you weren't like Jin-eh or Shishio. You fought to bring about change for the people of Japan and just because he was a part of your past does not mean he has to be part of your future. You should allow all the good that has happened to you to shape your future. Your achievements and those closest to you like Sanosuke, Yahiko, and myself… because Kenshin I want to be a part of your future. I… I love you… and when you are finished with this current assignment I want you to return to the dojo. I want you to return to me." As she spoke to him it was difficult to keep her eyes locked on his, the intensity of his gaze made her pulse race and her blood feel like ice in her veins, she was after all staring down the infamous Hitokiri Battousai. But that wasn't who she saw him as, he was just Kenshin, a simple man wounded by the deeds of his past and with that concrete thought in mind she told him she loved him keeping her gaze on his, and his alone. She wanted him to know that she truly meant it.

To say she was frightened was an understatement. She was practically paralyzed with fear from her confession. She wasn't sure she wanted to see his reaction to her statement but she had to know, once and for all, how he felt too.

She watched as his eyes, although still a glowing amber, softened considerably at her words and she thought this was it. She let go of the breath she had not realized she had been holding. They would be able to spend their lives together, she would just have to wait for him to come home and everything would be perfect.

Kenshin held his hand out to her and she took it without hesitation. She was not afraid of this man, though he may have been a killer and even though part of that still lived on within him, she knew who he really was. She loved all of him.

He embraced her tightly, he was sure his vise-like grip on her small frame must be hurting her but she made no move to pull away from him. He buried his face in her hair, relishing in the light feminine scent of jasmine that was uniquely Kaoru. Kenshin wanted to remember every single second that he was sharing with her now. He wanted to remember how soft her hair was, like silk and the way it shined the moonlight. He wanted to remember how small and beautiful she was, so full of life. She was so warm it seemed like the warmth of her soul was seeping into his own. He wished her innocence would be able to cleanse him of the sins he carried but he knew she couldn't. No one could. They would forever stain him, constant reminders of the deeds he had done. Kaoru couldn't save him. If he stayed with her, he knew she would try, but instead, he would just infect her pristine essence with his own contaminated one. He knew that if he stayed with her, he would end up killing her. Maybe not by his own hand but his increased closeness would bring about more shadows from his past to harm her. He knew his heart and his sanity could not bear losing her again so to keep her safe, he would not be coming back.

This would be the last time he would see her.

Kenshin pulled back from her, releasing her from his embrace. Kaoru noticed immediately that his eyes had returned to their familiar violet shade and she allowed herself a sigh of relief. This was a good sign, he was finally calming down. He moved his hands to cup her face, he locked his amethyst with her sapphire. Kaoru's heart was beating out of her chest with anticipation. She wondered what he would do? Confess his love for her as well? Kiss her tenderly as they both stood beneath the light of the moon?

"Thank you, for everything, but I'm sorry Kaoru. I will not return. I'm going to do what I should have done when I left for Kyoto. I will return to my life as a rurouni. Please be safe and I wish you well."

And with that he had effectively shattered her dreams.

He pressed his lips softly to her forehead, her skin was so smooth. He did not allow himself to look back at her as he walked away but he could already hear the muffled sobs that were emitting from her. This was for her own good, if he came back to her it would be hazardous to her safety.

He felt surprisingly numb as he continued on his way, distancing himself further from the only light he had left in his life. He supposed it was a feeling he would probably get used to in the coming months. He had obstacles to overcome and he could not allow his feelings to cloud his determination. He stopped as he felt a familiar ki flare violently to his left.

"I know I have no right to ask this of you but please take care of her, you're the only one that can." He said before he resumed his pace, again, never looking back.

Sano's eyes flashed with disgust but he did not respond to his one-time best friend. It wasn't often that Sanosuke was able to truly say, I told you so, but this unfortunately was one of those times. He had known this would happen all along. Once again, he would be the one left behind to pick up the pieces but this time he did not mind. He loved the broken girl that Kenshin had abandoned and as he stood he swore to Kami he would mend her.

Kaoru had tried to remain standing but her knees shook so badly she was unable to do so. She fell to her hands and knees, her body was quaking. Her stomach flipped nervously and she felt that she might be sick. Her hand had fallen on the unclaimed gi she had gotten for Kenshin and she clenched it into a fist. She sat back on her knees and held the discarded fabric to her face and the tears she had been fighting forced their way out in a torrent of raw emotion that was so painful Kaoru thought she might die.

At the moment, it would have been a welcome change. Death would be far better than the reality she was being forced to face right now.

She had just watched her life, her future, walk away from her. Turn his back and leave, something she had never thought possible.

She felt like a child having a temper tantrum and she was ashamed of herself. She was glad Kenshin refused to look back at her, she didn't want him to see how pathetic she looked. She didn't want him to remember her this way. She clutched his gi to her like it was her lifeline and it effectively muffled her cries as she buried her face in the cloth.

Her ribs ached as each sob wracked through her body, threatening to tear her apart. Kaoru knew she had to get up. This couldn't be real she had to be dreaming. Kenshin had not just told her he would not return, he would, he just needed to handle the task at hand. After that, he would realize that this was his home, this was where he needed to be. She knew it. She sniffled, wiping furiously at her eyes to remove the moisture that was there. As she went to stand she was taken by surprise as she felt herself being lifted off the ground, literally, but not by her own power. She looked up into the face of her tall, tawny haired friend and she felt her stomach sink.

This was it, he was going to let her know that she was stupid, he was going to rub salt in her wounds and she knew she deserved it. He had tried to warn her and she didn't listen. She waited for more caustic words to be slung at her, like he had done earlier in the evening. She felt tears of rage prick the backs of her eyes, she didn't know if she had the strength to endure his biting attitude.

Sanosuke, however, managed to surprise her again as he gave her a once over, looking to make sure she wasn't injured in any way before he looked ahead and began the short trek back home.

He did not mention Kenshin or his departure to her. He didn't say a word.

Kaoru felt tears brimming again, she knew he would not speak to her tonight unless she asked him too. He was probably still angry with her but he was still here and that was what counted. She latched onto him even tighter, her arms encircling the man's neck and she wept heavily into his chest. She felt his grip on her tighten slightly as he pressed her into his chest, he continued on the path that would bring them full circle again, back to their home.

* * *

Poor Kaoru, Kenshin has left her broken hearted and alone once again but she has nothing to fear because Sanosuke will stay by her side. Serious developments will be coming in the next few chapters of this fic between the two of them and I cannot wait to finish editing them so that I can post!

Although Kenshin has left the dojo, this is not the last time he will appear in the fic. We will check up on him from time to time but I am undecided as to whether or not he shall return to the dojo. I have not written that far in advance. I hope you enjoyed this installment, please leave me a review, I plan to update again the first week of June. Thank you for reading! :)


	10. Chapter 10

Well I'm back! I'm very sorry for the delay, life got in the way and I spent a crucial amount of time editing the most recent chapter of my other story. I didn't mean to neglect you guys! So, please read on!

* * *

_**Chapter 10**_

_**Insight**_

Sano sat against the wall in Kaoru's bedroom, his unwavering gazed trained on her alone. The only light to illuminate the room came from the glow of the moon just outside the window. He could see the steady rise and fall of her chest, every now and then a small sob would escape her slightly parted lips… or _**that guy's**_name. Each time that occurred he had to try very hard not to leave and run down the rurouni and beat him within an inch of his life.

That had been his intention after all, he would deposit Kaoru at home, then go after him. Kenshin didn't have the right to leave things the way that they were, shattered and in disarray. Besides, all the smaller man was accomplishing was running away from the person who cared about him the most. He had also accomplished destroying her happiness as well. Since Sano had met Kenshin he had always looked up to the older man but this current development was starting to quash those feelings of admiration. Now he just felt angry and empty. His emotions were completely frazzled at this point and he wasn't sure what to think. Real men didn't just run away from their problems.

Kenshin loved Kaoru. Sanosuke knew that, hell, everyone knew that. It didn't make sense that Kenshin had told her he would not return. Where the hell else could he go? There had to be something more to the story than what met the eye. Kenshin wouldn't just abandon all of them, least of all Kaoru.

He felt like he should be happy, with Kenshin gone he had more of a chance to garner Kaoru's affections and hopefully, create a relationship with her. But, the other man's absence only upset the woman he loved and he could not stand to see her so damaged. Though he desired her, what he truly wanted was her happiness, with or without him.

Upon arriving at the dojo he had stood outside the door as Kaoru dressed for bed, mechanically. Unconsciously going through the motions of any other normal evening, even though this one was so different. He wasn't really worried about Kaoru hurting herself or anything but he sure as hell didn't need her running after the dead-brained rurouni. That would just cause more headaches for everyone, himself being at the top of that list. Besides, once Kaoru fell asleep he would look for the red head himself and try to convince him, at the very least, to return here once he was finished with whatever nonsense the government had him doing. He would do it for Kaoru because he knew that was what she wanted.

When she spoke to let him know she was decent he had to struggle to actually hear her, her voice seemed so meek, a far cry from the usually loud tomboy she was. He pushed aside the shoji to her room, the smell of jasmine that he had become accustomed to assaulted his senses. It smelled stronger here, in her own quarters, than anywhere else. His eyes swept over the room, silently appraising its interior. Now that he thought about it this was the first time he could ever remember stepping foot inside of it. He had never been interested in any rooms of the dojo really outside of the kitchen and his own though. Her futon was already laid out, ready and waiting for its mistress to tuck herself in, allowing it to become the vessel for her to travel into the world of dreams.

She had a small vanity with a mirror against the left side of the wall, small trinkets littered the table along with her hairbrush. She had a few things adorning the walls, a large decorative fan, a scroll here and there. The room was not grand or extravagant by any means but it was very Kaoru. He noticed the small vase of flowers on the low table next to her futon, the flowers she had gathered earlier in the evening when he had been with her. But there was one piece of furniture that caught and kept his attention. It stood out above all the other possessions in her room. Against the right side of the wall, closest to the shoji was a large, beautifully crafted wooden trunk. The entire structure was made from what he assumed was cherry wood, it had been stained a deep brown, almost black. The lid was adorned with a sakura tree, its blossoms a beautiful pink that stood in stark contrast of the stain, swirling around the trunk of the tree and off into the distance. What was extraordinary about it though was the image had not been painted on, no, it had been carved into the surface and then painted with the most exact colors he had ever seen. There were artists whose work didn't even compare the splendor of this piece of furniture. The craftsmanship was absolutely extraordinary.

Without thinking he reached out to touch it, sweeping his fingertips along the carving, it was completely smooth.

"It's lovely, isn't it?" Kaoru said, now standing at his side.

He didn't respond to her declaration, instead he turned his gaze to hers. Her custom braid was already in place, she wore a pink yukata, the light fabric hung on her frame loosely. Her eyes were red rimmed and a little puffy. He could tell she was tired, fighting off sleep. She had been through so much in the past year, she must be feeling worn down, everything finally coming to a head.

His silence seemed to unnerve her so she continued without a verbal prompt on his end.

Her eyes settled on the furniture in question. "My father built this for my mother as a wedding gift. She adored it, she always told me it was her second greatest treasure, the first being myself." she told him, her features growing soft as she recalled her mother.

"When she died, father locked away all of my mother's belongings. Her kimono's, her hair combs, her favorite perfume, everything in this trunk. I thought at the time, how can he be so callous? Didn't he love her at all? But after losing both of my parents I understand the pain he must have felt. The memories that her personal affects must have stirred within him, they were too much for him to bear. In order to function day to day and raise me he had to lock away the intense love he had for her. When he went off to fight in the war, he gave me the trunk along with all of her possessions and the key. It was the last time I ever saw him…"

Sano hung on her every word. These were things she had never revealed to him. Sure, he had known she was an orphan of war, but to see the person behind that was something new. She had never really spoken in depth about her life before Kenshin and the rest of their little family had arrived. He knew this was the explanation for why she had such abandonment issues.

"What did you do after that, Jou-chan? How did you find the strength to keep going, knowing it was you against the world?" He wanted to know, because he too had been in that position. He had run from his home to join the Sekihoutai, Captain Sagara had become his adopted father and mentor. His idol. Then the deplorable Meiji government had sold them down the river, used the noble men as pawns because they couldn't take responsibility for their own devious actions. Finding no justice he had begun his life as a street fighter and a gangster. Sanosuke had been sure that virtue and honor were all just ridiculous ideals that no one actually dictated their life by. Until… he met Kenshin. That was when Sano's world view had begun to change and with the help of Kenshin, Kaoru, Yahiko and even the fox doctor he found the strength to press on.

But Kaoru had not had that. She had been alone. There was no Captain Sagara to care for her, to protect her. He needed to know why she had been able to go on.

"I'm not sure… I think… I think it was because I wanted to show my parents that I could be okay on my own. That they had done a good job in raising me and I could fend for myself. Although I was frightened and alone, I didn't want them to have to be worried about me from the next world. I wanted them to be able to rest in peace, together." She responded, her voice completely level as she spoke of one of the darkest times in her life.

"Of course I cried and worried but there were people around me, like Dr. Gensai, who cared enough to keep their eye on me. Eventually, one day, I ran into Kenshin and the rest is history really. I gained a family when I met him. He has this incredible ability to bring peace to those around him, I think that's why so many people are drawn towards him. That's why I asked him to stay. Then Yahiko came and then you, rooster-head and my life was so full of excitement, adventure and happiness everyday that I forgot about those things that used to make me sad."

"I can't believe he isn't coming back, Sano…" she said, her bottom lip beginning to quiver as the dismal thoughts began to swirl in her head.

Sanosuke was still shocked into silence. He was literally standing here, in awe of this woman. She had found the strength to survive because she didn't want her dead parents to worry about her. Did her selflessness know no bounds? She had accepted them all into her home, knowing their sordid, checkered pasts and cared for them all. He would get Kenshin to return, he had to.

"He'll come back, Jou-chan. I'll make sure of it. He just has some issues to work out right now, that's all. He cares about you…" He told her, though he couldn't command the proper amount of certainty to his tone. He wasn't sure if he would be able to get Kenshin to come back or not but he would damn sure try!

"Try to get some sleep, okay?" he ruffled her hair lightly with his hand. If he was going to catch up with Kenshin he would have to leave as soon as possible. The little guy had god-like speed after all.

Sanosuke turned to leave her, allowing her to get the rest he knew she desperately needed. He halted in his departure as he felt a sharp tug on the fabric of his jacket. He looked behind him to see Kaoru staring at him, her eyes wide and pleading.

"Whoa, whoa! What's the matter?" He turned completely so that he was facing her. He placed his hands on her shoulders and gave a reassuring squeeze.

"You're going to leave me." She said and it wasn't a question.

The lanky youth's mouth dropped open and stayed that way for a moment making him resemble a fish out of water.

'_How the hell did she know that?'_

"I am not! I'm just gonna go to my room now, geez. Calm down, Jou-chan." He lied, she didn't need to know that he was going after her wayward rurouni.

"Sagara Sanosuke, you are one bad liar. I know what you're going to do and I'm begging you not to! If he wants to come back one day, he will. Don't force him."

"Besides… Sano… will you stay with me tonight? I don't think I will be able to stay here all alone…"

Sanosuke blushed furiously at her request. Did she really understand what she was asking him to do?

Kaoru, however, seemed oblivious to the implications of her request until she noted the flushed look on her friends face. Suddenly it clicked in her head that what she asked could be construed in a very different way and her face began to burn crimson in a mixture of embarrassment and anger.

"I didn't mean it like that you perverted rooster!" she screamed at him, her hands clenching into fists at her sides.

"I… I… know that! Geez! Who would want to spend the night with an ugly raccoon girl like you anyway!" He screamed back at her and instantly regretted his words. He had gotten too caught up in his emotions and now he had hurt her.

"Ugh! Dammit, Jou-chan! I didn't mean that. You aren't ugly I just don't like that you thought of me that way. Now shut up in get in bed, I'll stay if you really want me to…"

Kaoru seemed to mull the idea over for a few minutes before she responded that she would, indeed, like him to stay.

"But stay on the other side of the room! I don't want you trying anything funny while I try to sleep." She said as she climbed into her futon.

"Yeah, right. Just go to sleep, you've been noisy enough today." Was his retort and in one stride he walked across the room and blew out the lamp. The room was instantly enveloped in darkness, save for the light of the moon.

He took a seat against the far wall and that was where he had been the entire night. More than anything he wanted to find that damn rurouni but he knew if he left, she would follow. He figured in the morning he could go down to the police station and see if he could get some information out of the old wolf. He was bound to know _**something**_about this whole situation. He would at least know where Kenshin would be stationed first.

The entire dojo was dead quiet, you could hear a pin drop. Yahiko, he noticed, had not returned home yet. He assumed the boy had worked late at the Akabeko and had probably stayed over there. They had a loft in the back of the restaurant that he used some nights when it was too late or he was too tired to walk home. It was just as well. The boy would certainly notice that Kenshin was missing, then he would come barging in here and wake her up which would probably send her into hysterics. He cringed as that thought crossed his mind. He really, really, really didn't want to deal with a crying girl anymore. He'd had enough of that lately.

As he continued to sit he let his mind wander over this and that. He wondered how his gambling buddies were doing these days, he had not been by to see them lately since he had started his new job. He actually thoroughly enjoyed working which was surprising considering the vast amount of free loading he had done in the past. The work was hard but it gave him a sense of accomplishment he only used to get when he would fight. The guys at work liked him well enough but his boss, Shouta, seemed to take a real shine to him, which was nice. He hoped it would give him a little leverage to ask for some time off to tend to Kaoru.

Soon he felt his eyes begin to drift closed as they became heavy with his exhaustion and he knew he couldn't fight sleep any longer. Sano knew he needed to get some rest before the sun rose because he knew the real fight, for all of them, would begin tomorrow.

* * *

I apologize that this chapter isn't very eventful but I wanted to give Sanosuke just a tiny peak into Kaoru's painful background. I will have the next chapter up by the end of the month and I have to say it's adorable. Some serious Sano/Kaoru fluff in the next edition as the two grow closer together in the wake of Kenshin's absence! Please leave me a review to let me know what you think and hopefully it will kick my butt into gear and get the next chapter up sooner. Thank you for reading!


	11. Chapter 11

Okay, this is the next installment of Kaoru and Sanosuke's story. There is a little more SanoXKaoru fluff in this chapter, which is great. I know we are all fans of that! We watch as both of them adapt to Kenshin's absence. Will Sano be able to fill Kenshin's shoes? Is he really equipped to be strong enough to handle Kaoru in her darkest moments? Read to find out!

* * *

_**Chapter 11**_

_**If I Fail**_

The sweet embrace of dreamless sleep was one that was not familiar to the young woman. More often than not she would find herself in the midst of a paralyzing nightmare or a glimpse into the distant past, dreams in which she was merely a ghost. One who could not communicate or alter the outcome of the dream, just a silent observer, forced to watch as blurry faces of a time forgotten interacted with each other. Generally, these were dreams in which she would recall her father or mother, her father she could still remember in vivid detail but her mother was different. Sometimes she could reach the memory and see her face clearly, sometimes she could not and the blurry faces of past students of theirs would sometimes visit her.

Here, however, there was nothing. No past, no present or future. There were no voices for her to hear, no scenes for her to witness or faces of friends. She felt nothing. She was completely hollow and numb, Kaoru couldn't decide if she should be thankful for her inability to feel because she was sure if she could, it would be unbearable.

She soon realized that her conscious was struggling for dominance, to bring her out of this dim, empty place and back into the unforgiving reality that she now faced. She didn't want to wake up, this was the first and only time she had ever been able to find true peace in the dream world and it made her wonder if the preceding events may have actually been a dream, because she had never experienced this before.

How lovely it would be if it had been just a dream? If in fact Kenshin did not leave her side, never to return. Even now, this scenario seemed implausible. Kenshin leaving his friends, his family, never to return. Why would he do such a thing?

'_Yes'_ she thought to herself, still within her blank dream. _'completely ridiculous. I haven't had a dream like this for some time, how foolish. Of course it was a dream. I can even smell breakfast cooking…'_

Kaoru's final thought forced her to break through the surface of unconsciousness and she woke with a start. Her eyes, cloudy with sleep, stared at the ceiling. She couldn't be sure of the time but she was certain the room should be illuminated more than it was and that was when she heard the rain falling outside.

It felt nice to have the cooler air circulating through the house. She hoped this storm would be strong enough to break the heat wave that held the city for weeks.

She lay for a moment just listening to the staccato of the rain as it hit the roof. Kaoru felt as if she were missing something, a thought she'd had just before waking up. A thought that forced her to wake up but now it was gone. She was frustrated, sure that it must have been important.

Finally she rose, slowly, when she was finally to her feet the scent of food hit her hard and her stomach reacted strongly, grumbling loudly.

'_It couldn't be…'_

There was only one person in their family who would ever have been up early enough, or been thoughtful enough, to actually prepare breakfast.

'_It was a dream!'_ she thought excitedly, she ran from her room, heading full speed for the kitchen. He didn't leave, he was still here and she couldn't believe how stupid she must be to be naïve enough to believe her dream had been reality.

"Kensh…"

The man's name died on her lips as she rushed through the doorway and her eyes fell on the room's only occupant.

Sanosuke stood at the stove, his brow pinched in extreme concentration as he did his best to grill what looked like three fish. Another pot was boiling rapidly on the back burner, Kaoru couldn't tell what the contents were from where she was located but it all smelled appetizing.

She noted he wasn't wearing his bandana on his forehead yet, his long unruly hair hanging down, making him look like some sort of wild animal rather than the man he was. He wore his common garb, white pants and his white jacket with the symbol for 'evil' emblazon on the back. Once she became familiar with Sanosuke, she never quite thought that label fit him but if he chose to wear it, she wasn't going to complain.

She waited for what she was sure was coming. The overwhelming panic and despair she felt last time Kenshin left her but it refused to come. She didn't feel anything, just that hollow blackness that she experienced while she was still asleep.

She simply stood, watching as her friend furiously stirred whatever happened to be contained in the large pot at the back of the stove. It was a curious thing to watch, Sanosuke cooking, she'd never known he even knew how. His style was unrefined and frantic, she imagined this is how most men tended to cook, Kenshin had been an exception, but she could tell he was putting everything he had into this.

"Shit!" he exclaimed as black smoke began to rise from the cooking surface, seeming to originate from the fish he was cooking.

"Why does this always happen?" he lamented as he removed each of them from the fire in an attempt to salvage what little he could.

Kaoru couldn't help it, she didn't mean to but it was impossible to stay silent as she watched his awkward movements in the kitchen, she laughed, loud.

He spun on her eyes wide in surprise before they narrowed, crossing his arms over his chest he said "Go ahead and laugh! It's still ten times better than you could do on your best day!"

Rather than launching into an angry tirade, Kaoru found herself laughing harder at her friend. This was just amazing. He was cooking and doing a horrible job of it, this was priceless.

"I... I'm sorry Sano, it was really just too funny. Honestly, I'm shocked. I didn't even know roosters knew how to cook." She said, shaking slightly as she tried to quiet the next fit of giggles she was sure to fall into.

"I'm not sayin' I'm a professional, or really any good at it but I have the basics down, I guess. Before I came here I did have to cook for myself once in a while. And if we're going to be honest with each other, I'm honestly surprised you survived on the food you cooked for yourself." He responded, grinning widely at his joke.

She rolled her eyes before she moved to stand with him at the stove.

"Anything I can do to help?"

For a moment, a look of pure horror settled on his features before he was able to compose himself.

He laughed uneasily. "No, Jou-chan. Everything is finished now, go sit down. I'll bring it over in a minute." It was bad enough that he burned half the food already, there was no telling what could go wrong if he allowed her to help. Sano actually wanted to eat this morning.

She pouted her lips before responding with an indignant "Fine!"

She waited patiently at the table as Sano sat everything out for the two of them.

"Where is Yahiko?"

"He came home to change and take a bath then he had to go back to the Akabeko. He's working a double today so he won't be home until later." Sano told her as he folded himself to the floor.

"Eat up, Jou-chan. I think I scraped off most of the burnt parts from the fish. Sorry."

"It's fine, thank you." She replied, picking up her chopsticks she tore a piece of the fish and placed it in her mouth. Outside of the slightly charred taste, it was actually pretty good.

The mystery stew he made, the one she had been unable to identify when it was on the stove tasted great. She was impressed, Kaoru never would have guessed Sano to cook, let alone be competent at it. Of course, it wasn't quite the masterful cooking she was used to having from Kenshin but it was certainly better than anything she could ever make.

Kaoru almost wished Yahiko were home, she wasn't sure if he was aware of Kenshin's absence or not but she assumed Sanosuke had probably mentioned it to him. She wondered if he was okay with it, last time the boy had been beyond angry.

"Sano, does Yahiko know?" she asked, clearing her throat before continuing "about Kenshin, I mean."

"Yeah, I mentioned it to him before he left this morning." He told her, feeling a little guilty but not allowing the feeling to creep into his voice.

It was true, Sano had told Yahiko that Kenshin left but he didn't tell him he wasn't planning to come back. There was no need to worry the boy since he was sure he would be able to at least try to convince Kenshin to return. Yahiko was miffed about the man's disappearance but other than expressing irritation over the situation he didn't elaborate much more on how he felt about it. Sanosuke assumed Yahiko was okay with it because he was expecting the man to return. Sano hoped he could convince him to return, he would do his best for Kaoru. He wasn't sure if telling a half truth was the same as telling a complete lie but for now he would withhold that information.

They continued their meal in relative silence, Kaoru thanked him again when she was done and she informed him that she would be going to take a bath. Before she walked out the door he stopped her.

"Oi, Jou-chan. I'm going downtown to pick up a few things, do you need anything while I'm out?" he asked.

Kaoru quirked a slender brow at him, she wondered what he would need to do there but she kept the thought to herself.

"You're going out? In this rain? Couldn't your business wait until later?" she heavily emphasized the word business.

"Nope, needs to be done today. Do you need anything or not because I'm leaving as soon as you go to take your bath. I shouldn't be out too long but I figured I'd be a nice guy for once and help you out, seeing as I'll be going that way anyway." He told her, annoyed by her blatant disbelief that he would have anything important or pressing to do.

She mulled the idea over before responding that she wasn't in dire need of anything.

"Alright then, I'll be back in a little while."

Kaoru watched as her friend retreated down the hallway to his room for a moment before emerging, his bandana now adorning his head, as he walked past her he reached his hand out to ruffle her hair then he was out the door headed to take care of whatever business he may have.

She was almost positive he was going to try to decipher Kenshin's where abouts even though she already asked him not to but Sanosuke was stubborn, just like she was. If he felt the need to take it upon himself to find their friend, that was his prerogative but Kaoru had seen it last night, the firm decision in Kenshin's eyes.

He did not plan to return. Ever.

At that moment, Kaoru realized what she actually felt. She didn't feel numb or hollow. What she was really feeling at the moment, was hopeless…

* * *

Sanosuke moved at a brisk pace as he made his way to the police station in a futile attempt to not get completely drenched. Truth be told, the last thing he wanted to do was attempt conversation with Japan's most frigid resident but he reminded himself several times that this was for her sake.

Chances were good that the old wolf wouldn't tell him anything anyway but Sano was willing to endure his sharp words and quick insults if it meant he could get any information at all that may be helpful.

As he reached his destination he stopped in front of the precinct for a moment, gathering himself before he faced the obstacle ahead of him. Saitou Hajime, the Wolf of Mibu, was one tough son of a bitch but even he was no match for the tenacity of Sagara Sanosuke.

With a haphazard grin Sano walked through the doors, ready to meet the man face to face for the first time in a year.

* * *

Kaoru tried her best to keep her mind off the overwhelming silence that enveloped her once lively home. This was disturbingly similar to when she lived alone and for once she was eager for either Yahiko or Sano to return home and cause some sort of ruckus. She couldn't do laundry due to the rain or air out the futons. The sweet relief from the daunting heat that she praised this morning seemed now more of a nuisance than anything else.

She meandered around the house, cleaning the kitchen, she had already straightened up the bathhouse while she was in there. She risked going into both Yahiko and Sano's rooms to pick up any discarded laundry that would need to be done, once the rain ceased she would be able to get a start on that. Without Kenshin, it seemed all household chores would now be hers to do. Laundry and cooking included, no one else would be picking up the slack she was sure.

Before long she found herself standing in the barren room of the man who broke her heart and abandoned her. She resolved to air out his futon as well so she picked it up, in doing so his familiar woodsy scent was disturbed from the fabric and Kaoru tried to breathe around the lump that formed in her throat. She was unable to hold it back a moment longer and finally broke down in a torrent of emotion that until this point she had successfully held at bay.

She shook so violently she felt the force of it would make her shatter. He left, for good this time. He wouldn't be coming back, she couldn't go to ask him to return because she had no idea where he may be. He didn't want to be here, he didn't want this life and he didn't want her.

Since her parents death so many years ago she had never felt so emotionally unstable in all her life. Kaoru wasn't the type to just sit back and accept things as they were, she was a woman of action but in this case there was none to be taken. She was at a loss.

How would she be able to pick up the pieces and move forward? She knew she was strong but she wasn't sure how much heartbreak one person could endure in a single lifetime and still go on.

Overcome with fatigue from her recent outburst she was unable to keep her eyes open as her sobs quieted into small hiccups. She was only vaguely aware that she shouldn't be sleeping here, that moving to her room would be best but she couldn't seem to find the strength within herself to move. As her eyes closed, all her mind could register was the warmth of the blankets around her and the sweet smell that was Kenshin and for a moment she could pretend that he were here, holding her gently in his arms as she drifted off to sleep.

Tomorrow. Tomorrow she resolved she would be stronger, strong enough not to cry and lament the loss of her love. It was up to Kenshin now if he ever did decide to return to her, the only thing she could do was wait and hope for the best.

The torrential downpour continued outside, matching drop for drop the tears that the young woman shed, as if the heavens understood her plight and sympathized with her enough to show it. The steady rhythm dragged her down until she could see nothing but a pair of amethyst eyes.

* * *

"Who the hell let you in here, moron?" Saitou Hajime drawled past the cigarette hanging from his mouth, which at the moment was twisted into the most sardonic grimace that the world had ever seen. "What's more, you look like a drowned rat."

The tawny haired youth stood in the doorway of the Wolf of Mibu's personal office, water dripping from the tips of his hair and clothes, though he didn't seem to take notice of it. "No one, I had to let myself in. You should really teach the guys around here some manners." Sano complained, taking it upon himself to plop down in the available seat right in front of Saitou's desk. "Assholes wouldn't let me in to see you no matter how nicely I asked but I found a way around."

Saitou trained his burning amber eyes onto the tall, brainless youth that sat before him. Anyone with half a mind would be cowering in fear at the daggers he was shooting with his gaze but this lazy moron just sat back, relaxed and unaffected. He didn't know why he was here, in any case he didn't care, he certainly didn't have time to entertain some half-wit.

"Get out." The man's voice held all the warmth of a glacier and all the enthusiasm of a corpse. He just wanted this stupid kid to go away.

"Oi! Don't you even want to know why I'm here you asshole!" Sano exploded, rising to his feet and pounding his fist on the desk, beads of moisture from his person peppered the mountains of paperwork that adorned the surface of the furniture.

Saitou ground his teeth in his skull, less than a minute and he already wanted to maim this idiot. He needed to get him out of his damn office and fast lest he be facing a murder charge later this afternoon, though odds were he could get out of it somehow… but no, he didn't particularly care to clean up the entrails of some rooster today.

"I said, get out, you have thirty seconds to rid yourself from my presence before I rid the world of your existence. Now leave." Saitou replied, taking one last drag of his cigarette he stubbed it out in his nearby ashtray. Though he was indeed a chronic chain smoker he never let more than three cigarette butts rest in the ashtray at one time. If there was one thing in this world Saitou Hajime hated more than Kenshin Himura and the idiot in front of him, it was clutter.

Filth, refuse, trash, it made no difference what you chose to call it, he didn't allow anything of the sort to touch him because he lived by the strict code of Aku Soku Zan. Saitou Hajime's duty in this world was to expel all evil and corruption from existence. He was the living, breathing embodiment of the word 'justice' and nothing could stop justice, not even death itself. In order to remain as virtuous as he was, things like clutter and trash were never allowed to make their way into his life, he wouldn't allow himself to be tainted the way some of the officials of the Meiji government had been.

No, until the day he ceased to breathe he would carry out swift justice, upholding the principles of Aku Soku Zan and possibly even after.

"No can do, wolfy, as much as I hate to admit it, I need your help." Sano finally said, calm enough now to sit back down, he threaded his fingers behind his head and dared to prop his feet up on the desk.

Amber eyes flared furiously but he didn't allow his anger to seep into any other facet of his being. This kid had a death wish.

"Do you not understand Japanese you dullard? Get. Out. Now."

"Oh, come on! It'll only take a second!"

"You have until the count of three, rooster."

"Who pissed in your tea this morning, you jerk?"

"One."

"Really? You don't want to know why I trudged through the pouring rain to come over here and see you? Cause I gotta be honest, it wasn't so I could look at that ugly mug of yours."

"Two."

"Look, I just want to know where Kenshin is!"

"Three."

In the next second Sanosuke found himself pinned to the far wall, next to the door by a very feral looking man who was aptly known as the wolf of Mibu. Saitous amber eyes were burning brightly enough that Sanosuke was sure they must be boring a hole into his forehead, the man's teeth were clenched together and he could see the pronounced tips of his canines and his large hand was wrapped firmly around the boy's neck. Saitou increased the pressure gradually as he began to speak.

"I don't know where he is you worthless excuse for a human being and I certainly don't care, with any luck he will get himself killed doing whatever it is he is doing. You have already wasted enough of my precious time and I will not tolerate it a second longer. Remove yourself now before I kill you." He drove his point home by squeezing Sanosuke's throat so hard that he came just short of crushing his windpipe.

As Sanosuke struggled to breathe around the mounting pressure on his throat he came to the unfortunate conclusion that today he would be heading home empty handed. The wolf was in no mood to talk, he would not budge or divulge any useful information and if he wanted to live to try another day, he knew he needed to leave.

"Ahrgh-t" he managed to strangle out and lucky for him Saitou seemed able to understand his garbled response as he relaxed the crushing grip on him.

"Next time I won't be so reluctant to dispatch you, moron. Don't press your luck." Saitou gave Sano one last hard glare before he turned on the heel of his impeccably shined shoes and returned to his desk, never bothering to look back to angry young man who was currently trying to massage some feeling back into the injured column of his throat.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. I'll be back."

Saitou heard the soft click of his door closing and the retreating footsteps as the moronic kid took his leave.

He thought it was really a shame, the boy had some potential if he would just think before he acted but with youth came impulse and until the rooster understood that concept there was little that could be done.

Saitou shuffled the papers on his desk as he opened the single complete file that sat atop it, inside was the case report for the mission that Himura was on. At this moment, he was currently still in Japan but next week he would be boarding a ship headed for China, his objective to locate Woo Heishin and if found, to destroy him. Saitou was aware that there was no way Kenshin would destroy the men, no, that responsibility would fall on his own shoulders. He would gladly fulfill that responsibility. He understood the captain's choice to leave matters of this mission is his hands, given the personal ties he had to the situation but he didn't particularly relish the idea of working with Himura now anymore than he had when they took down the Yukishiro boy. However, because of the threat Woo Heishin posed to Japan, Saitou would swallow his pride and do all he could to crush the opposition.

Indeed, if only that stupid roosterhead had opened his eyes he would have realized the information that he so desperately wanted was right beneath his fist the entire time.

* * *

Sanosuke made the trek home feeling defeated for the moment but no less determined to figure out where the hell Kenshin was. Today didn't work out, that was okay, he could just try again in a few days. Eventually Saitou would get tired enough of seeing his face and give him something to work with so he would stop coming around and if that's what it came down to that was fine with him, whatever worked.

The rain now fell in a thin mist, more of a vapor than anything else at this point but it certainly cooled the air making the afternoon more bearable than the previous weeks had been. He did his best to dodge the massive puddles that now littered the streets in an attempt to shield his clothing from the mud.

Along the way he stopped in the market to pick up a few ingredients so he could make something edible for supper tonight. If he had anything to say about it Kaoru would not be cooking at all, otherwise, they all might starve to death. Sanosuke, however, didn't know how to prepare many dishes and he hoped that Kaoru and Yahiko wouldn't tire of the food he made too quickly.

He hoped Yahiko would be home for supper this evening, he felt that some form of normalcy would do Kaoru a world of good. So far, she was keeping it together better than he ever dared to hope but he knew it was only a matter of time before the gravity of the situation truly sunk in for her and when it did, he would be there to pick up the pieces, to put her back together.

Walking through the dojo gates he made sure to lock them before he made his way into the house. As he placed his acquisitions in the kitchen he noticed how clean the place looked, it seemed while he was gone she occupied her time by scrubbing every square inch of the house. He made a mental note to himself to make sure he thanked her for doing so.

"Jou-chan! I'm home!" he yelled as he placed the last of his purchases on the counter but he never received a response. The lack of response brought about a slight amount of anxiety within the young man so he scoured the house searching for her, all the while calling out.

She wasn't in the bathhouse or the dojo, not in the kitchen or the courtyard, she wasn't in her own bedroom and he knew she wouldn't be in his. Sano came to a stop at Kenshin's door, quietly, almost silently he slid back the shoji and the sight before him nearly broke his heart.

Kaoru, his Jou-chan, was huddled in the blankets and futon that Kenshin had left behind. Her face was streaked with evidence of her grief, fresh tears still pooled in the corners of her closed eyes but she was clearly asleep. Her hands were twisted within the blankets, holding them so tightly her knuckles stood out starkly from the force of her grasp. If she were awake he wouldn't dare look upon her this way but he could not hold back the pity he felt for her. She didn't deserve this pain, this bitter disappointment and suddenly he just felt so inept.

He had done nothing for her, even though he had resolved to do so. He allowed himself to be intimidated by that old wolf and for what? So he could return home to see this? Sano felt pathetic and low, useless.

Softly he moved towards her, bending down he eased the death grip she held on the fabric, her fingers were stiff from holding it for so long. He held one of her petite hands in his own and in that moment he realized just how powerless he was in this situation. Sano was sure if that was the way he felt, Kaoru probably felt a thousand times worse.

He loved her, completely and fully, honestly and truly. Sano wanted nothing more than for this woman to be happy with him, he wanted nothing more than to be able to hold her in his arms and call her his own but he knew the truth of the situation. He knew Kaoru loved Kenshin and because Sanosuke loved Kaoru, he would be anything and everything she needed him to be, all the while knowing he would never have her.

Somehow, the thought didn't upset him all that much. Just being able to care for her, spend his time in her presence, it would all be more than enough and if he could be fortunate enough to see her smile, well then life would be damn near perfect.

He folded himself on the floor near her just watching her as she slept.

"Look Jou-chan, I promise you that I will do everything I can, everything within my power to make you the happiest that you can be without him, until I can find him and convince him to come back. You deserve your own happiness and even if I'm not the one that can truly bring that to you I'll still give it all that I've got." He spoke to her softly, not truly wanting to wake her or needing her to hear these words because this was his solemn oath to her, whether she knew of it or not was inconsequential.

"And if I fail, well then I fail but at least I gave you something."

Sanosuke gave her hand a little squeeze before he let it go, allowing her to get the sleep he knew she needed, he would have dinner ready for her when she awoke and from today on he would be her everything whether she wanted that or not.

As the shoji closed with a soft click, Kaoru opened her eyes. Unknown to Sano, she had awoken the moment he held her hand in his own, the warmth from his body stirred her into consciousness but she never opened her eyes. Kaoru heard every word her best friend spoke and she knew that even though her life didn't go the way she planned she was still one of the luckiest people of all time because she had someone who cared for her even when she was at her lowest point.

Sanosuke was turning out to be nothing like she had ever expected and everything she always wished Kenshin would be.

* * *

I just couldn't resist adding my favorite pseudo-villain into the story! I absolutely adore the interactions of Sanosuke and Saitou in both the anime and manga and I tried to capture that dynamic within the story.

It seems like Sanosuke is really stepping up to the plate and being the strong, stable man that Kaoru needs. Only time will tell if that will be enough to sway her feelings to his favor.

On another note, the stories namesake actually comes from a song called "If I Fail" by the band Cartel. I really like the song and Sano's final quote in this chapter is actually a line from that song. I thought it was rather fitting and summed up his feelings towards his and Kaoru's sordid situation. Please let me know what you think, I love reviews more than anything in the entire world, they make me extremely happy! I'm already hard at work on the next chapter so I hope to have that uploaded either by the end of this month or the very beginning of August. Thank you so much for reading!


	12. Chapter 12

Oh my gosh! I am so so so sorry for updating so late. I didn't even realize that it had been over a month since I last updated this story. Please forgive me!

Now that I've gotten that out of the way, things are really starting to heat up between Kaoru and Sano in this chapter. Just a tiny bit of suggestive material towards the end of the chapter so if you're sensitive to such things, I suggest you do not read it but then again that is why I gave my story an 'M' rating. So, now I present to you, chapter 12 of If I Fail!

* * *

_**CHAPTER 12**_

_**Innocent**_

"Again!" she commanded, raising her bokken against her pupil as they worked through their morning exercises.

Yahiko launched himself at his sensei, a fierce battle cry escaping his throat as he put all of his strength into his next move. His once awkward movements were now conducted with such precision that he was able to land a powerful blow to her own weapon, knocking her off balance and she fell on her behind, but she managed to bring her bokken back up just in time to deflect the next blow her student came at her with.

The intense battle continued until finally sensei prevailed over student by just a hair.

"Yahiko that was incredible! I mean, usually I try not to praise you too much because your head gets _**so big**_ when I do but that was amazing. When the other students arrive today, I want you to conduct the first two sets of drills, you're absolutely ready for it." Kaoru enthused, prouder in this moment than she had ever been before.

"R-really? You think I'm ready for that, Kaoru? This is awesome!" the teenager shouted, throwing his arms into the air.

"Yeah, we'll start with you conducting opening drills for a little while and then we'll work out a new schedule so you can take over more of the teachings."

The answering smile she received from her adopted brother was nothing short of enchanting. He was truly ecstatic with this news and she couldn't be happier to be the one to place the expression there.

"Alright, let's get prepared, we only have about half an hour before everyone arrives and I want to make sure you're ready."

Yahiko took to teaching with relative ease, Kaoru was impressed, she only had to correct him twice and considering this was his first time conducting class she was surprised. She, of course, made sure she addressed his mistakes with the utmost delicacy not wishing to diminish any of the authority that he was establishing with their pupils.

She left Yahiko and the students to clean the dojo while she went into the house to get cleaned up for lunch. She smiled as her eyes settled on the platter of misshapen rice balls that Sanosuke had obviously left for her and Yahiko to eat while he was gone. She still wasn't sure what exactly he did during the day because he was reluctant to divulge that information to her but even so, every evening she would wait for him on the porch and greet him when he got home. Much to her dismay and extreme irritation, he didn't allow her to prepare meals choosing instead to do that himself. He cooked their meals, breakfast included and he always made sure to make something for her and Yahiko to eat for lunch. Kaoru truly appreciated everything he was doing, she really did, but she just wasn't used to this new, reliable Sanosuke.

In the past two weeks she wondered where her carefree and lazy best friend had gone.

She couldn't help but revisit the words she happened to overhear, how he would try his best for the sake of her happiness but she didn't really know exactly what that entailed or why he felt the need to do so. All she did know was she didn't want him to sacrifice his own happiness for her.

She wondered if this was some personal favor Sanosuke was doing for Kenshin. Had Kenshin asked him to take care of her while he was gone?

Life was very different without Kenshin but it wasn't unbearable. She managed to get through the days without thinking of him too much, her time was filled most often with Yahiko, her students, laundry and in the evenings, with Sano. And yet, more than anything she just wished she knew that where ever Kenshin was that he was safe. She still missed him desperately and loved him dearly but she couldn't force him to come back, she just needed to do her best without him and hope that someday he would wish to return.

Yahiko strode into the room just as she was finishing up her lunch, he grabbed the remaining rice balls on the platter and unceremoniously began stuffing his face.

"Do you even chew your food, Yahiko?" Kaoru asked, disgust lacing her voice.

"Sometimes." Yahiko replied, seemingly unaffected by her barb, "Do you? You have more of it on your face than I think you ate, busu!"

Kaoru bristled, immediately she grabbed the closest thing to her and launched it at her pupils head, a teacup sailed through the air connecting with a loud thud with the boys head.

"Dammit! What's wrong with you, you hag?"

"It's your fault, you jerk!" she yelled, all the while she used the back of her hand to scrub the remnants of her meal from her face. It was no wonder she was such a violent tom boy, living with people like this there was no way she would be able to blossom into a real feminine beauty.

"Don't you have to work today or something?"

"Nah, Tae-san gave me today off since I've been working so much lately." Yahiko gingerly rubbed the side of his head where the teacup had struck. "Ugh, you really got me good."

"Well that was nice of Tae-san. Since you have the day off maybe you can do the laundry this afternoon since you haven't picked up any of the slack when it comes to chores." She said as she washed her hands before adding "Oh, and make sure you clean your room too, it looks like a pig sty in there."

Yahiko groaned loudly in protest but didn't argue, it was true, since Kenshin up and left in the middle of the night a couple weeks ago he hadn't been helping out very much around the house. He figured he owed Kaoru at least a couple loads of laundry.

"Alright, fine. I'll do some laundry but I'm not promising anything as far as my bedroom goes. You shouldn't be worrying about that anyway, that's my space."

"My house, my space. Until you move out you don't have your own space, mister. Now get going!" She said, though she didn't really mean it. In all honesty, she didn't care so long as he kept it _**clean **_and right now it was a far cry from that.

She watched as the boy trudged to the yard to begin the mountain of laundry that was before him, she couldn't help but notice he held much less enthusiasm for this task than he had for teaching but it would build character. Heck, she figured if she told Yahiko laundry was the secret to Kenshin's sword skills he would probably spend every moment of the day scrubbing their clothes.

It was still early afternoon and Kaoru didn't have anything she had to attend to, her first afternoon with no chores or extra lessons to teach, she decided she would take a long walk, back to the field she'd discovered when Kenshin told her of his departure. The day was lovely, bright and warm but not oppressive. She felt that she deserved some time alone and that seemed the perfect place to spend it.

With that thought in mind she retired to her room to change out of her gi and into a light yukata, she also grabbed a blanket for her to lay down on. She decided to bring one of her favorite books too. A romance novel, she assumed she should be fine to read it since the male lead didn't remind her of Kenshin.

She informed Yahiko that she would be gone for a while and asked if he could get at least three loads done, then after that he could have the rest of the afternoon off to do whatever he liked.

Kaoru closed the gate behind her, setting a leisurely pace she headed off in the direction of the field with wildflowers of every color.

_Clang!_

The sound of steel hitting steel could be heard throughout the valley as each man lifted their heavy hammers, pounding railroad spikes into the earth, creating a new path for modern civilization to barrel through.

Sano lifted his arm to wipe the sweat that was pouring off his face, his bandana did little to prevent the moisture from traveling its way down his features.

"Oi, Sano, why don't ya take a break, man. You've been workin' non-stop since ya got here. Makin' the rest of us look bad." Kohei said, squinting against the intense afternoon sun.

Sanosuke stood, panting, debating on whether or not he should stop for a minute or two. He figured he should at least eat something before he starved to death but once he got into a good rhythm with his hammer he didn't usually like to stop. He resigned, deciding it would be best if he sat down to eat his lunch.

Grabbing his pail and thermos he sat down heavily next to Kohei, sighing happily, his tired muscles thanked him for the reprieve.

He offered one of the lumpy rice balls he'd made this morning to Kohei who politely declined.

Sano ate quickly, his ravenous hunger demanding satisfaction, in no time he had eaten everything he brought and drained his thermos completely.

"That was great." He enthused, happy that even though the shape of the rice balls was all wrong, the taste was not affected.

"Oi, Kohei, how long have you guys been working on this railroad here?" he asked, genuinely interested. In two weeks he felt like they'd made a huge amount of progress, he wondered how long he would actually have this job. After all, once it was over, it wasn't guaranteed they would have anything to do afterwards.

"I'd say 'bout a month or so, usually it would take a lot longer to finish one a these things but there wasn't no rain for so long. Can't work in the rain."

Sano nodded his head absently. He wondered what he could do once this job was done, he actually liked working fairly well and wanted to continue, especially since it was just himself, Kaoru and Yahiko in the house now. Jou-chan needed help now more than ever and he promised himself he would be there for her.

He decided not to dwell on it too much, he would figure something out when the time came, he'd lived on his own long enough to find something to do.

"How'd you get into this kind of work anyway?" Sano asked, trying to keep a leisurely conversation going before he got back to work.

For the first time Sano could ever remember, Kohei seemed uneasy as if this were a point of discussion he didn't care to talk about. He shifted for a moment before he finally decided to speak.

"Well, Sano, I kinda fell into this sorta work." He began, his emerald eyes gazing off into the horizon, not focused on anything. "Really this is the only kinda work I can do, I ain't smart enough for anything else. Besides, I done some things in my life, terrible things, I shouldn't even be allowed to see the light of day but Shouta, he saw something in me. Still can't figure out what that is but he gave me a second chance, turned my life around. I owe him everything."

Sanosuke's curiosity was peaked, he certainly never expected an answer quite like this and although he wanted to ask what exactly Kohei had done in his past, he knew it didn't matter. He knew the present Kohei, not the one from the past. Just like he'd known the Kenshin of today, not the Battousai of the past. If he'd ever learned anything from Kenshin it was that people can change, really change, from the depths of their souls.

"Yeah, I can understand that." Sano said as he stood, taking a moment to stretch his aching muscles, readying them for the next round of brutal labor they would have to endure before the end of the day. "I know someone like that too, when I first met her I thought she was a fool for being so damn trusting of everyone. Willing to give an ex-gangster like me a second chance…"

Kohei smirked, a slight hint of bitterness tinged the expression.

"And now what do ya think, kid? You still think that girl is a fool?"

The tall youth grinned to himself, he closed his eyes and answered. "Sometimes. Sometimes she still makes stupid decisions. She drives me crazy, she's loud and obnoxious. She's always getting mad at me for something, I can't keep up with her mood swings. But you know what? I wouldn't have her any other way."

Kohei laughed, he too moved to stand, he'd had enough of this heart to heart conversation. He wasn't even sure why he decided to answer Sanosuke's question as honestly as he had but there was something in this kid that reminded him very much of himself, they were one in the same.

Shouta ambled over towards the two, both men looked up already anticipating what their boss was likely to say.

"Break's over ladies, get back to work! These tracks aren't gonna lay themselves, y'know."

Sano simply grinned at his boss' declaration. He seemed like a tough guy but he was actually a pushover.

"We're on it."

Shouta just nodded at the boys declaration, he wasn't mad, hell, Sanosuke had laid more track down in the few weeks he'd been here than half the guys he'd had working on this for the past month. He watched the young man as he walked away, headed back to the section he was currently working on.

"Hey Shouta…"

The large man turned his attention towards the young man next to him, waiting for whatever it was he wished to say.

"Thanks."

Shouta quirked a large bushy brow.

"For what?"

Kohei averted his gaze, a slight blush tinging his cheeks. He'd never said thank you to Shouta before for changing his life and he felt slightly embarrassed doing it now.

"For believing in me, I guess. You believed in me when no one else did, I just wanted to say thanks for that." He said.

At that, Shouta smiled, his eyes practically disappearing, the gesture was so huge. He put a hand on his friends shoulder and gave it a rough squeeze.

"Best decision I ever made, Kohei." Shouta replied.

Kaoru had nearly reached her destination by late afternoon. She didn't realize just how far away her little sanctuary was since last time she had run all the way here. A leisurely walk took considerably longer but she didn't regret her outing because once again she was thrilled by how light the air seemed here. Away from the hustle and bustle of the busy city it was a quiet paradise that still seemed untouched, unaffected by the rest of the world.

Finally, she came upon the flowery field, she chose to settle beneath the shade of one of the enormous, ancient trees that littered the area. With her back against the tree she opened her book, she'd read it hundreds of times before, she knew it from cover to cover but every time she became so engrossed in the story even though she knew what would come next.

She'd made it through the first few chapters before she began to notice something about the male lead that she'd never noticed before. Kaoru had always had a crush on this character, every woman was fascinated with some fictional character in some way because they behaved the way you wanted them to but never the way a real man would. But as she continued reading her story she soon realized that this character very much resembled Sano.

The character was a young man, unhappy with the way his current government treated the people of the small village where he grew up. He takes it upon himself to begin a small revolution to change the corrupt ways of the government officials who in turn label him as an outlaw which forces him into hiding. He's forced to become a member of one of the most brutal gangs in the entire country where he quickly makes a name for himself due to his strength and skill in the seedy underbelly of organized crime.

Years later he runs into a childhood friend, who is now a young woman. She urges him to change his ways and quit his life of a gang member which, at first, he is reluctant to do. He's happy to have reconnected with his friend but he worries about his ties to the underworld putting her in danger so he keeps his distance for as long as he can. Eventually, he finds himself falling in love with her and he finally decides to leave his life of crime and become a better person for her.

Kaoru scoffed at herself. Well, at least the gangster part sort of fit him and so did the physical description. Sanosuke had definitely changed but he didn't make that change because he fell in love with anyone. Kaoru couldn't imagine the type of woman that would fit her friend. She'd have to be tough if she was going to be able to handle his bullheaded personality but also gentle enough to handle him when he was hurting. She always thought Megumi was a good fit for him but nothing ever really developed between the two. She wondered what sort of preference he had, what woman was interesting enough to hold his attention.

She shook her head, as if the action would dislodge the thoughts from her head. She wasn't sure why or how she'd gotten so sidetracked thinking of that, it didn't really matter to her what he liked.

Bringing her attention back to her text she did her best to continue reading but soon found the activity was nigh impossible now that he had noticed the parallels between the character and her friend. Now when she read the text on the pages, the images her mind conjured up were of Sanosuke and for some reason she'd begun to place herself as his love interest, though the physical description of that character didn't relate to her at all.

'_What is wrong with me?' _she wondered, she placed her palm against her forehead to feel for any sign of fever. Something had to be seriously askew if she were thinking of the two of them, _**together **_like that. They were just friends, Sano didn't feel that way about her at all and she certainly didn't feel that way for him.

Frustrated she closed her book and tossed it to the lay on the edge of the blanket. This wasn't proving to be the relaxing afternoon she had planned. She silently wondered if she would run into Sanosuke here, last time he'd run across her and they walked home together and he'd held her hand. She pursed her lips as she thought of that, she didn't even notice it at the time and the gesture hadn't bothered her at all. It almost felt right, her hand in his.

Kaoru groaned, she didn't know what was going on. Where were her thoughts of Kenshin? Why wasn't she longing for his presence the way she had when he'd left her to go to Kyoto? Was it because she knew she couldn't bring him back this time or was there an underlying reason she just couldn't see?

She rolled onto her back and looked up at the leaves in the trees as they swayed lightly with the breeze, the light filtering through was dimmer now than it had been. She assumed a couple hours had passed since she arrived and even though she was now strangely confused she was still glad she'd come. She liked it here.

"Oiiiii, Jou-chan! What're you doing here?"

Kaoru screamed out loud and scrambled to her hands and knees at the sound of his voice.

"Sano, why do you always have to sneak up on me? One of these days it's going to kill me!" she screeched, she grabbed her book and launched it at him.

He laughed, side stepping the projectile easily as it came to rest at his feet on the ground.

"It's not my fault you're so dense. You're supposed to be a kendo master or something, right? You should be able to feel when someone is creeping around on you." he teased.

Sano was sure she wasn't aware of how alluring her current position happened to be. She was on her hands and knees, her hair slightly disheveled falling to frame her heart shaped face, her eyes shining with anger, and from her bent posture he had a lovely view of the curve of her breasts.

The young man mentally slapped himself, he shouldn't be taking advantage of her that way.

"Get up, you look stupid sitting there like that." He said, he didn't mean for the words to come out of his mouth sounding so scathing. He was annoyed with himself, not with her.

Kaoru sat up, straightening herself out. Her brow furrowed at the tone of his voice, "What's your problem?" she asked, irritated that he seemed so annoyed by her.

He ran his hand across his forehead, he'd hurt her feelings.

"It's nothing Jou-chan, I'm just tired. Long day, y'know?" he said, "but you did look kinda stupid." He added, laughing at the irked expression she shot his way.

"Well sorry I look so stupid. Thanks for pointing it out, I really appreciate it." She shot back, her voice dripping with thick sarcasm.

He ignored her, bending down to pick up whatever it was she had thrown at him. He read the cover of the book and opened it, he quickly skimmed through the pages before he let out a low whistle.

"Geez, Jou-chan, I didn't figure you read these kinds of things." He quirked a questioning eyebrow at her.

Kaoru's faced screwed up in confusion. "What are you talking about it's just a basic romance novel, you dumb rooster."

"Oh really?" he cleared his throat and began to read a passage from the text. "Machi moaned as Ryoji's hands moved to cup her breasts through the fabric of her kimono. He kissed her neck passionately as he pressed his body firmly against hers. She knew it wasn't right, doing this sort of thing in a place like this but the heat coming from Ryoji's body was undeniable. His apparent arousal was also hard to deny. She shivered as she felt his tongue run along the column of her neck, tasting her…" he finished, letting it trail off suggestively from there. He shut the book with a snap and looked up to Kaoru with a lascivious smirk on his face.

"Sounds like a lot more than just a romance novel to me, little missy." He said.

Kaoru could feel the heat of her blush from the tips of her toes to the top of her head. She had completely forgotten about the passionate love scene, which she'd thoroughly enjoyed before, but somehow hearing Sano read the words lit a completely new fire within her body. One that was decidedly uncomfortable and hard for her to believe. When he'd read the passage her mind, once again, put herself and Sanosuke in the characters places and she had _**liked**_ it. The thought of Sanosuke touching her, kissing her, it was all too much. What was wrong with her?

Sano tried very hard not to laugh at her reaction, her embarrassment was written all over that beautifully red face of hers. He knew girls liked reading romance novels and stuff like that but he didn't realize that some of them were naughty too. He wondered how much she even knew about this sort of thing. As far as he knew she'd never even been kissed before let alone done anything close to what was written in that book.

He wanted to know, had anyone laid claim to those flawless lips of hers?

He advanced on her, once again he'd snuck up on her, since she'd moved her hands to cover the burning blush on her face.

He knelt down in front of her so his face was on her level, he grabbed her wrists and pulled them away from her face, settling them in her lap. At first, she refused to meet his gaze but soon she brought her blue eyes up to meet his chocolate brown orbs.

Sano could see the mixture of defiance, embarrassment, and the slight touch of shame her eyes held. He found it funny, she didn't really have anything to be embarrassed about. He'd_** seen **_worse for sure. Kaoru didn't get flustered like this very often anymore, it was interesting to see.

"Jou-chan, have you ever been kissed before?" he asked her, positive that she would never have seen this question coming from him.

Her eyes widened in surprise. That question came out of nowhere, she didn't really know how to respond.

"W-what? Why are you asking me that?"

He kept a firm but gentle grip on her wrists, he didn't want her to cover her face again, he wanted to see her reactions.

"Just answer the question. Have you been kissed before or not?" he asked again, daring to inch just a bit closer to her this time.

"Quit it Sano! Why are you doing this?"

She was getting angry, he could tell, and her anger was the answer to his question but still he wanted her to say it out loud. To confirm what he already knew.

"Kaoru, has anyone ever kissed you?"

Now she looked to be on the verge of tears and he wondered briefly if he'd pushed her too far. That had never been his intention, he was just trying to have a little fun. Just when he was about apologize and tell her it was just a joke she answered him.

"Well yeah, I've been kissed before. Lots of times." She said, a little too forcefully and confidently.

He smiled at her before clarifying "On the lips?"

At this, she looked away from him.

"Well?" He prodded.

"No. No one has done that before." She said quietly, barely above a whisper. Why did he have to bring that up? Obviously no one had ever found her attractive enough to try kissing her before. It's like he wanted to rub in the fact that she was ugly or something.

He bit his bottom lip hard to suppress the near irresistible urge to change her answer from a 'no' to a 'yes' and press his own lips to hers. She was so innocent, never had she experienced the touch of a man, not even something as harmless as a kiss. Even so, he wouldn't steal her first kiss, that would be cruel. Besides, he'd decided to give her time to get over Kenshin before he tried to pursue her again, it wouldn't be honorable to take advantage of her in the vulnerable state he'd left her in. He wanted to win Kaoru's heart fairly, not through underhanded tactics.

Removing the grip on her wrists he moved his hands to cup her face, forcing her to look at him.

"Never?" he asked again and she shook her head from where he held it in his hands.

He let her go and moved away from her, proud of himself that he was able to stay in control of his impulses.

"Then you shouldn't be reading stuff like that. Too advanced for a kid like you." He said and he waited for the inevitable beat down that was sure to follow.

And it did.

Kaoru screamed several obscenities that were decidedly not lady like as she pounded him into the ground. When she was completely satisfied she made sure to grab her book and her blanket, readying herself to leave.

"Come on you stupid jerk! I'm getting hungry, I want to leave."

He laughed through the pain, this girl was crazy, what the hell was he thinking being in love with her?

"Alright, alright! Geez, you're such a hard-ass sometimes."

He picked himself up off the ground and inspected himself. He didn't find any blood so that was good, she hadn't done too much damage.

Then he got an idea, it was brilliant, for him anyway.

"I don't feel like cooking tonight Jou-chan. What do ya say to us going over to the Akabeko and have dinner, huh?" he asked, eyes sparkling with childlike excitement.

"No way, rooster-head. I'm broke, I can't pay for anything like that tonight." She said, irritated.

Sanosuke's mouth dropped open at her answer. "I didn't mean you would pay for it you ugly raccoon!" he yelled.

Kaoru's rage rose considerably. "Don't call me an ugly raccoon you stupid rooster! If I'm not paying for it who else will?"

Sano grit his teeth together in irritation. He poked himself in the chest roughly "I will!"

And, in what was a perfect imitation of her lost love Kenshin, Kaoru said "Oro?"

* * *

Ahhhhhhh, these two are just too cute! MAJOR developments for them in the next chapter. Please review, I would love to hear what you thought of this installment. I personally loved writing it. Thank you all so very much for reading and I will do my very best to update ON TIME next time. :)


	13. Chapter 13

I'm so sorry that this has taken so long. I have hit some major writers block here lately and I refuse to force myself to write if I don't have any ideas. I don't want the quality of my writing to decrease so I just wait until I'm hit with inspiration again.

In this chapter Sano and Kaoru spend some quality time together. What do they do you say? Well, Kaoru challenges Sano to a drinking match... this can only end well, right?

* * *

_**Chapter 13**_

_**Divergence**_

"Since when do you pay for anything?" she asked. "And with what money?"

Sano rolled his eyes so hard he was sure they might fall out.

"Jou-chan what the hell do you think I've been during the days the past few weeks?"

"I don't know because you won't tell me!" she yelled, stomping her foot on the ground to emphasize her point.

She had him there, he never did tell her that he got a job. "I work, Jou-chan. I know it sounds weird but I actually have a job. How do you think I've been paying for the groceries I bring home?" as the words left his mouth a sudden realization dawned on him.

"Did you think I was stealing them?" he shouted.

"What? No, I never thought you were stealing them. I guess I never really thought about it before." She answered honestly. "Wow, Sano, maybe you're right. I do need to start paying more attention to stuff."

"I'm always right, are you just realizing that?" he said, smiling in apology at the glare she shot in his direction.

"Now are you going to let me take you out to dinner or not?" he asked and though it didn't come through in his voice, he was nervous. This was sort of like asking someone on a date, he was worried she may decline his request.

She shrugged her shoulders in a noncommittal sort of way, "Well if you insist."

He grinned widely at her, relieved that she agreed. "I do. Now move it, I'm starving!"

* * *

The gentle sway of the ship upon the ocean did little to soothe the ever present anguish that had settled like an unwelcome stray in the man's heart.

'_I'm doing the right thing.' _He reminded himself again even though every fiber of his being was screaming that it was quite the opposite.

Kaoru was better off without him, she would be safer this way, happier and even though part of him truly believed that, a greater part of him realized how much he hurt her. He feared this situation truly had no correct solution, he just hoped he'd chosen the lesser of two evils.

Kenshin made his choice and now he had to live with the consequences of that.

He hated how long this was taking, he'd spent three days on this ship, heading to China to see if he could track down Heishin. All their leads stated that he was within the country, in either Shanghai or Hong Kong, but they didn't know where. He had no qualms with how long the actual mission would take, he just hated having so much time to sit and think, with no objective. Kenshin knew in his heart it didn't matter how long this took because he now had nowhere to return home to. There would no longer be a bright eyed beautiful girl waiting to welcome him home. He had destroyed that.

Night had fallen hours ago, the moon hung low in the hazy sky, providing little illumination. He stood on the deck of the ship, just watching the waves as they crashed upon its hull. It made him feel uneasy, staring into the blackness of the water below, almost as if it were a window into a part of himself he wish he did not know.

The red headed vagabond heard the approaching footsteps of his traveling companion but made no move to turn in his direction. Whether he gave the man his full attention or not didn't matter, he would speak anyway.

"Himura." Came the cool voice, followed shortly by the strike of a match. The light of the flame illuminated the man's face casting shadows on his chiseled features making him look all the more menacing. This man was as deadly as the steel blade that he carried with him.

"Good evening, Saitou-san." Kenshin said, he smiled at the man and even though Kenshin wasn't a particularly spiteful person, he took pleasure in the fact that Saitou hated this expression.

The Wolf of Mibu sneered at the former man slayer, he took a low, slow drag of his cigarette, savoring the flavor of the tobacco before blowing the smoke out into the blackness of the night, he watched as the tendrils drifted and danced on the cool winds.

Saitou was exceptionally bored, he hated the sea, he hated ships and he hated Himura. He didn't relish the idea of feeling idle, just waiting had never sat well with the man and he was becoming irritable. He figured without the stash of cigarettes Tokio had packed for him he would surely have murdered someone by now, just for some form of amusement.

He wasn't usually an instigator, or so he would say, but he just couldn't stand the boredom another dull moment longer. He decided to play a little game with the former man slayer, whether he liked it or not.

"I don't know how I always end up being the one to clean up the messes you leave, Himura." he began, truly disgruntled by that fact.

Kenshin laughed without humor because he knew Saitou was right. The man always did seem to get sucked in to whatever troubles were plaguing Kenshin and if they were to switch places, Kenshin knew he would be annoyed too. One would not call it natural for Saitou to want to help anyone but he was loyal to his country, to the land that he put his life on the line to protect which was why he was here now. Kenshin knew this was no personal favor.

"My apologies Saitou-san. I hope that one day I will be able to atone for the things I've done and leave those I care about in peace."

Now it was Saitou's turn to laugh, atonement, what an absolute farce. Saitou would never understand how someone with so little conviction was such an incredible swordsman. Kenshin may have been strong physically but his resolve was disturbingly weak. He would forever ponder how the Shogunate had fallen against men like this.

"First I had to help dispose of that lunatic that your incompetent rebels hired to take your place, Shishio. Then there was the Yukishiro boy, once again that maniac was all your doing and now we have to deal with his underlings. I swear, it gets more pathetic by the second." he said, voice laced with venomous malice.

Kenshin's forehead creased in contemplation. Why was it that everyone associated with him was forced to bear the weight of his burdens as well?

_'You did do the right thing' his mind echoed and this time he believed what he heard._

"As if that weren't enough" Saitou continued without prompt "I had to deal with that imbecile rooster that you call a friend."

Kenshin wheeled around at that, could Sano have run into some trouble so soon after he left? What about Kaoru?

"Sano you say? What happened? Did something happen to the dojo?" he asked frantically.

Saitou resisted the urge to smirk, finally he'd received some sort of reaction, this could prove to be entertaining. He enjoyed watching the Battousai squirm.

"Perhaps." he evaded, coolly.

Kenshin struggled to keep down the white hot rage he felt threatening to boil up within him. This wasn't a joke, he needed to know if his friends were in danger, if Kaoru was in danger.

"Saitou-san, if you please, I need to know if my friends are alright." he said, voice tight as he continued to control his anger. He never had more of a problem keeping the Battousai at bay than he did when speaking to his former nemesis, this man's calculated and cold nature grated heavily on Kenshin's nerves.

Saitou internally debated whether or not he should push further, a duel between he and the Battousai would surely cure the boredom he felt, however, a ship was not a suitable battleground for the two of them so he relented.

"I wouldn't know, nor would I care" which was true "but that moron showed up in my office looking for you the day after you were set to begin your assignment, he wanted to know where you had gone. He's a goddamn nuisance, he damn near ruined the documents on my desk." he grit out, memories of that meeting were returning and he found himself becoming even more irate at Kenshin.

Kenshin's eyes widened in surprise "Sanosuke was looking for me? Are you sure?"

He couldn't imagine why the young man would want anything to do with him now, considering all that he had done to Kaoru... that was it! He was looking for him for Kaoru.

"Yes, I'm sure, how could I mistake that moron for anyone else?"

"I see, and he was the only one to request that information? There was no one else?"

Saitou quirked a slender brow in Kenshin's direction, already deducing who he must be referring to. "If you're referring to the raccoon girl, no. I haven't seen her."

'_Thank God' Saitou thought to himself. 'I couldn't stand both of them at the same time, I probably would have killed someone that day'  
_

Kenshin didn't like the disappointment he felt with this news. This was a good thing, that she wasn't weighed down by his absence.

Though he never really intended to write, he supposed he should, he had promised Kaoru-dono after all. He told himself that this was, in no way, an attempt to remind Kaoru of his existence.

"Saitou-san?"

"Hn?"

"I'll be needing to send a letter to the dojo soon, that I will. Can I entrust it to your men to have it delivered?" he asked, hoping against hope that Saitou might actually be in an agreeable mood.

"Aa, I believe that can be arranged." He said, he flicked his cigarette out into the ocean where he watched the glowing ember disappear as it was swallowed up by the dark waters below almost as if it were some sort of sacrifice.

"Thank you, Saitou-san." Kenshin said before turning to retire to his room for the evening. He needed to contemplate what he would write to his dear friends back in Tokyo.

* * *

Sanosuke and Kaoru reached the Akabeko just after the dinner crowd had begun to thin out. Sano was only vaguely aware that he should be thankful that Yahiko was not working this evening, no doubt he would make the simple dinner between friends seem awkward.

Exactly, just a simple dinner between friends. This was payment for all the times she had covered his meals, he was just trying to return her kindness. This was NOT a date.

"Kaoru-chan!" Tae exclaimed, a cheery smile brightening her youthful face "Oh and Sanosuke too! How are you, it's been so long!"

Kaoru returned the smile warmly, she'd missed Tae very much. She didn't have very many female friends, let alone any that were her close to her own age so it was nice to have someone like that to talk to.

"Tae-san, I've missed you so much!" she replied, embracing the other woman briefly "Thank you so much for looking after our Yahiko as well. I trust he's working hard for you?"

"Of course, Yahiko-kun is incredibly helpful." she said before leaning in and whispering "especially helpful when Tsubame-chan asks anything of him, for sure."

At this both women laughed and Sanosuke snorted. Women were such gossips sometimes.

"Well follow me to your table." Tae said, ushering them to a table in the back corner of the restaurant.

Sanosuke, being a gentleman allowed Kaoru to get situated in the booth before he slid in next to her, leaving a respectable amount of space between the two.

"Can I start you off with a drink?"

"Just some tea for me will be fine."

"Sake for me!" Sano exclaimed, pounding his fist on the table as if he were ready to get into a serious drinking challenge.

Kaoru scowled at him, "Really Sano? You would drink, you pig."

"Oi Jou-chan, no need to be so mean. I had a hard day, I deserve a little pick me up don't I?" he said, putting on that cocky grin he knew she sort of liked. He made sure his eyes were pleading as well though, just for good measure.

Kaoru's lips curled in disgust but she relented. "Oh alright, but just one bottle, you hear me?"

"Hell yeah!" Sano yelled just a little too loudly and Kaoru reached over to slap her hand over his mouth to quiet him.

"Sorry Jou-chan." he muffled through her hand but she didn't remove the appendage, she just continued to scowl at him. He wondered if she thought he was really going to have another similar outburst, which was absurd.

Well, maybe not completely but he had some drinking to do before he got riled up.

"Geez, you're so rude sometimes Sano. There are other people here who are trying to enjoy a quiet meal so keep your voice down."

She still hadn't moved her hand and suddenly Sanosuke thought of the perfect way to remove it. He pressed his lips firmly to the soft skin of her palm

Almost instantly Kaoru retracted her hand, a brilliant shade of red adorned her face. She appeared confused and just the slightest bit flustered. Sanosuke was pleased.

"What was that for?" she asked, she'd wanted to sound mad but instead her voice sounded breathy, almost dreamy. She didn't like it.

"You wouldn't move your hand stupid, I had to do it." He replied, offering no apology for his actions.

Before Kaoru could chastise him any further Tae returned with their drinks.

"Get whatever ya want, Jou-chan, I've got this." Sano said, the very picture of male confidence as he leaned back in the booth.

Kaoru ordered her meal and Sanosuke did the same, Tae left the two to fill their order but not before telling them that it would be out in a jiffy.

Sano began drinking his sake quietly, not wishing to stir Kaoru's ire any further. After his first bottle he noticed that the girls eyes were focused completely on him, he found himself shifting uncomfortably beneath her gaze.

"What's the matter?" he asked, perplexed. Had he done something else wrong?

"It's nothing really." she said, seemingly embarrassed to have been caught staring. "I was just thinking that I can't really remember the last time you drank. You used to get drunk all the time."

He smiled fondly at that, maybe she was beginning to notice he was changing. She obviously didn't know she was the catalyst but it was still nice to know that she observed him in some ways.

"Yeah, well, there's been more important things going on lately so it really hasn't been on my mind too much."

Kaoru nodded gravely, she knew all too well what he was referring to.

Throughout the course of their meal Sanosuke downed another two whole bottles of sake, which Kaoru surprisingly did not protest, now a pink dusting of color swept across his cheeks and the bridge of his nose. He wasn't quite drunk but he certainly felt good.

Their conversation had been light, Sano made a conscious effort to keep Kenshin's name out of discussion completely. They talked about Yahiko's progress, Sano was unaware Kaoru was letting him conduct part of the lectures now, it was exciting news.

Finally, Kaoru asked the question she'd been wanting an answer to for weeks. "Sano, what exactly is your job?"

He laughed heartily at that, "You'd never believe it but me and the guys I work with are building a railroad track."

Kaoru's eyes widened, she really didn't believe it. "But you hate trains Sano..."

He laughed harder, louder this time and Kaoru was glad that they were some of the last ones in the restaurant, the only other patrons being the other drunks, they weren't interested in the two so it didn't matter what they said or how loud they were.

"I know, I know but for a guy like me it's one of the best things out there. I get to use my strength in a way that's constructive instead of destructive. I'm building things instead of breaking them! I've never been like that before, Jou-chan, I like it." he said, a lazy smile plastered on his handsome face.

Kaoru returned the expression, she liked when Sano was having a good time, she was having a good time too.

Then he ruined it. "Y'know, I'm glad you didn't order any sake too 'cause you're a terrible drunk." he said, the words starting to slur together just slightly.

Kaoru huffed, visibly angered by his good natured observation. "I am not a terrible drunk, you jerk! I can drink just as well as you can." she yelled, the next words out of her mouth would be her undoing "I bet I could drink you under the table if I wanted to."

Sanosuke's eyebrows shot up in surprise before he narrowed his eyes, a sly smirk replacing the lazy smile he'd worn only moments before.

"That a challenge, little lady?" He asked, he poured a shot of sake and slid it across the table to her.

Without a word Kaoru downed the liquid, she did her best not to grimace at the caustic burn as it slid down her throat. She slammed the shallow dish back down in front of Sano, a silent request to pour her another.

"You bet your ass it is."

* * *

After they had paid for their meal they left the Akabeko just before closing time. Kaoru had downed her fair share of alcohol but she wasn't done yet. Oh no, she would show Sano exactly what kind of drunk she really was, which was a damn good one.

When they left Kaoru declared that this competition was far from over and that he better take her somewhere else so they could finish what they started. Sano was all too eager to agree, offering to take her to one of his more classy watering holes, even in his inebriated state he didn't want her around the type of ruffians he would usually drink with.

They entered a bar not too far from the dojo, a place Kaoru had always walked past many times before but had never gone to. The interior was far more posh than any bar she could have imagined. Instead of one bar that stretched along the wall this establishment had separate tables in separate rooms to offer the patrons some semblance of privacy. From the walls hung rich fabrics that were deeps reds and gold's, they complimented the pillows that surrounded the tables. It looked comfortable but foreign, like a place you could spend all day in if you had a mind too.

"Wow, it's really charming in here but it's also strange. I didn't think bars were like this." She said wide eyed as she looked up at Sano.

The man laughed good naturedly "Well, most aren't like this. The owner of this place is foreign, from the Middle East I think. He says bars over there are always like this, I like it but I don't come here often."

"Then why did we come here?" she asked, she wondered if he would have preferred something a little more low key.

"'Cause you're with me, I didn't want to bring you to some dump, I want you to have a nice time." he said, looking her straight in the eyes "You're better than those places anyway"

A hostess seated them at one of the private tables and Sano ordered another three bottles of sake for the two of them to share.

"D'ya think Yahiko is gonna be mad at us?" Kaoru slurred, swaying slightly as she spoke. She drank the alcohol that Sano offered to her, she vaguely registered that it no longer burned when she drank it.

"Probably." Sano answered honestly but he really didn't care. He was having a great time with Kaoru, he was glad that she looked happy he didn't want her moping around the house over Kenshin all the time, not that she had really done too much of that. She was accepting his absence with a grace he wasn't aware she was capable of.

As the night wore on their conversation became more uninhibited,

"Hey Sano?"

"Hmm?" he hummed in response as he finished off the last of their sake. He had to hand it to her, she was doing a hell of a job keeping up with him. She hadn't cried or had an outburst at all and he felt like she deserved a little credit.

She laughed before beginning to ask the question "D'you remember when you asked me earlier if I've ever been kissed before?"

He wondered where that question had come from, what train of thought she was on. "Yeah." he suddenly wondered if maybe she hadn't been truthful earlier but he had never caught Kaoru in a lie before.

"Why'd you ask me that? It made me feel really bad y'know. Like... I'm too ugly for someone to kiss or something."

Sano was taken aback by her statement, he never thought she would have taken his lighthearted teasing that way. Sometimes he forgot how sensitive she really could be.

"Naw, Jou-chan, I didn't mean it like that. Just curious is all. Besides I don't think you're ugly I was just wondering how much you actually knew since you were reading that dirty book." He grinned knowingly, just from the minor excerpt he'd read he knew there was plenty more to that particular scene.

Kaoru was happy that her intoxicated state gave her the illusion of a blush already. She hoped he didn't notice that it had grown darker at his words. "It's not dirty! They're in love." she clarified.

Sano leaned in closer to Kaoru, he brought his mouth to her ear, his voice deep and husky. "Sex is still sex, Jou-chan."

Kaoru's blush now extended across her entire body, Sanosuke was even bolder when drunk than he normally was.

Sano laughed, "Haha, Jou-chan, red looks real good on you." he said and she wasn't sure if he was referring to her furious blush or to the color of the yukata she wore.

He reached his hand out and brushed some stray hairs from her face, she unconsciously leaned into his calloused hand "You should wear it more often" he said quietly.

Kaoru's mind felt fuzzy and her whole body felt hot. It had been far too long since the last time she had drank any liquor and she was certainly feeling the effects of it now.

"Sano, have you ever kissed anyone?" she asked innocently, if he was able to ask her intimate questions like that, then surely she could do the same.

A wicked grin settled on the youth's face, an expression that sent a hot jolt of something through Kaoru's body, a feeling she couldn't place because she didn't know the name of it.

"A time or two, yeah."

To her surprise, Kaoru found this bit of information made her almost... jealous. She wondered what else he'd done in his life though she was sure she knew the answer to that, after all, Sano was a handsome, healthy young man. He could have his choice of nearly any woman in Tokyo, his charm and looks made him desirable, even though he was rough and had a filthy mouth. She wondered if the women he'd kissed were beautiful, if they were women like Megumi who had faces like porcelain dolls and bodies that would make any woman burn with envy. Kaoru wished people would think of her that way, she wished he thought of her that way.

"S'matter, Jou-chan? You look upset. Do you feel sick?" He asked, honestly he was surprised she had not gotten sick yet, considering how much she drank.

She blinked, effectively cutting off her current train of thought. "I feel okay but I think I'm ready to go home. I think I've kicked your butt enough tonight." she said and she moved to stand, stretching her arms above her head.

Sanosuke stayed seated but watched Kaoru's every move, as she brought her arms above her head to stretch out her limbs, her spine curved with her efforts as she bent back slightly, the action pushed her breasts out into focus and he tried very hard to ignore that fact.

He stood as well and dropped some coins on the table to pay for their drinks before he took her hand to steady her so they could begin their walk home. Kaoru stumbled several times on the way back to the dojo, narrowly escaping a nasty fall until finally she did fall but just as before Sano was there to catch her. They were nearly home now and he figured it would be faster this way, he slung Kaoru over his shoulder, carrying her the rest of the way. She giggled and hiccupped as she bounced with each step he took.

_'This is kinda fun' she thought, she enjoyed feeling the firm muscles of his back and his arm wrapped around the backs of her thighs to keep her in place._

Upon arriving home Sano opened the gates without dislodging Kaoru from her perch on his shoulder. She was so warm and soft, he was really enjoying this but all good things had to come to an end. He placed her gently back on the ground, she swayed for a moment before righting herself, they both removed their shoes before heading into the house. Kaoru went straight for Yahiko's room, opening his door she saw the boy was fast asleep.

"Sano! He's sleeping, he's such a lazy boy!" She said a little too loudly but luckily the teenage boy did not stir. Thankfully he was a very heavy sleeper.

"Well duh, he's sleeping. It's one o'clock in the morning. Most people are sleeping by now, you and me are just drunks!" He whispered to her in the darkness.

Kaoru stumbled down the hallway and into what she thought was her room, she pulled at the tie in her hair, effectively freeing the silken ebony strands as they cascaded down her back and shoulders. She began sliding her yukata off her shoulders when she heard someone suck in their breath behind her. She turned to see Sano standing in the doorway, his mouth open, his eyes wide and hungry looking. Kaoru wasn't sure what to make of it.

"What's wrong?" she asked and moved towards him, not realizing that she had never righted her clothing.

When Sanosuke had walked into his room the scene before him all but stole his breath away. Kaoru's hair fell all around her, unbound and beautiful in inky waves that made the pale skin of her exposed shoulders look like the light of the moon. He didn't mean to walk in on her like this but the sight was captivating, breathtaking and when she turned to him and spoke he wasn't sure what to say.

"Why are you in my room?" was all he could come up with because she was in his room, seemingly ready to get undressed.

She looked around for a moment, bewildered before a sudden realization hit her. "Whoops! Wrong room!" she declared before she began laughing as if it were the most humorous joke she'd ever heard.

Except Sano didn't laugh with her, he couldn't. The only thing he was even capable of doing right now was looking at her, in all of her flawless glory. He'd never wanted anyone so bad in all his life.

Kaoru could see the man's burning gaze linger on her and it made her feel empowered, beautiful... sexy even. Very little light was available to illuminate the room but she could still make out his attractive face even in the darkness, his wild hair sticking up at odd angles, his bangs that hung down in his face, the sharp angle of his jaw, and his lips. His lips seemed to entice her, their pink shade somehow stronger, more vibrant after their night of drinking and she wondered what sort of kisser he might be. She recalled the feeling of those lips pressed against the palm of her hand, how soft, yet firm they were and she felt that unfamiliar heat return, stronger this time.

She wanted to kiss him, she wanted to kiss Sanosuke.

Somewhere in her subconscious, the part of her brain that was not affected by the warm buzz of alcohol flowing through her system, she realized that she always thought her first kiss would be with Kenshin but that wasn't possible now. He'd abandoned her, abandoned whatever life they could have built together and though she would not be able to admit it out loud, she resented him for it. He always decided things on his own, never bothering to consult with her, it was her life after all she should have some say in it.

And yet she couldn't recall a time where she had felt a longing this strong to kiss Kenshin. Never before had she desired anything with this magnitude.

Without her permission her body moved on its own to stand in front of her friend, her friend who had stayed by her side through everything, he never left her, he always worried over her well being and even though there were times where she thought he was absolutely intolerable, Sano always found a way to make it up to her.

He looked down at her, eyes burning with a question that he didn't know how to put a voice to.

"Did you like the women you kissed Sanosuke?" she asked.

Sano swallowed hard, something about this situation made him feel anxious, like he should take his leave now and avoid whatever was coming but the bewitching woman in front of him made it impossible to escape.

"Yeah, I guess." he replied, unsure of how he should respond. Sure he enjoyed kissing the women he'd been with, hell, he'd enjoyed everything he did with those women, but he never loved any of them.

He'd never loved any woman, until Kaoru.

Her blue eyes met his and he recognized the emotion he saw there, he'd only seen it once before on her that day outside the dojo when she tried to get that stupid package away from him, the one that held the birthday gift she'd toiled over to get for Kenshin, the one he left behind along with her. She wanted him and oh God did he want her.

"Sano..." she breathed his name softly as if it were the most fragile, precious thing on earth and his heart swelled with the sound of it.

"Yeah?"

Kaoru didn't respond except for pushing herself onto the tips of her toes, she wrapped her arms around his sturdy neck and brought his face down to hers.

Sanosuke was only acutely aware of the fact that he should push her away, he shouldn't allow her to do this because she was drunk and later she would regret it, giving her first kiss to a guy like him. He knew that if Kenshin were here, this wouldn't be happening at all, she would have saved it for him and that made him angry because he had tossed that chance away. And yet he knew he couldn't accept it, especially not out of spite for his wayward best friend.

But the scent of jasmine was so sweet, intoxicatingly so, he could taste her breath in his mouth and he so badly wanted to taste it directly from the source. Instead, he brought his hands up, placing them on her bare shoulders, struggling to ignore how soft and smooth her skin was, he pushed her back with gentle pressure.

The look of pure defeat that swept across her face made him feel instantly ashamed, he should never have let things get this far.

Kaoru squeezed her eyes shut against the stinging of a fresh batch of tears, her fingers curled into angry fits.

"What's wrong with me?" she grit out, her voice pained. "Am I so disgusting? Is that it?"

He grasped her face in his hands and forced her to look him in the eyes and he could see the anguish that hers held and he hated that he was the one that put it there.

"Look, Kaoru, it's not like that. I want to kiss you" he began trying desperately to keep the intense hunger out of his voice, lest he give himself away completely. "God, do I want to kiss you but... right now... you're drunk and you would probably regret it later, giving your first kiss to a guy like me. I'm not good enough for you."

Kaoru hissed "That's not for you to decide." and before he could stop her, she pressed her lips firmly against his own.

The liquor he'd consumed this evening made his reactions slow, sluggish and he had been unable to evade her but all of that melted away in the heat of her mouth.

He couldn't control himself anymore, he didn't care to, because she did this. She fanned the intense flame that he'd burned for her for so very long, he'd tried to restrain himself but he couldn't anymore. Any semblance of resolve he'd had until this point was gone.

Sano moved his hands from her face to bury them in her silky midnight tresses and he heard a small moan emit from the back of her throat. He dared to deepen the kiss as his tongue swept across her bottom lip, she opened for him without hesitation and he sampled her delicate flavor that he'd dreamed of for so long.

It was better than he could have ever imagined, sweeter than the best sake he'd ever tasted and he did his best to keep the pace of their kiss slow, he knew this was her first kiss. Kaoru's first kiss and she had given it to him willingly.

A strange sense of euphoria coursed through his body, one that he could only recall feeling before when he was a young boy and was praised by Captain Sagara. For having absolutely no experience in this sort of situation Kaoru was doing a splendid job, she was a fast learner, he never expected anything less from her.

Kaoru couldn't believe how good this felt and she was almost angry with herself for waiting this long in her life to take part in this sort of activity. But Kaoru knew, she was a good girl, and she would never do anything like this with someone she didn't love or trust.

And she did love Sanosuke, maybe not in the same way she loved Kenshin but in her own special way she cared deeply for the man she was with and she wondered how he felt for her. Obviously he felt some sort of obligation or duty towards her, otherwise he never would have stayed this long.

The pair finally broke away from each other to catch their breath, Sanosuke held her face in his hands like she was the most precious thing on earth because to him she was and he couldn't believe how lucky he was. He looked down into her eyes searching for any sort of discomfort or regret but he found none, just a warm happiness that before now she never looked upon anyone but Kenshin with.

He couldn't help asking, "Did you like it?"

"Yes." she replied, sounding as breathless as he felt.

He let go of a nervous giggle, he didn't realize how anxious her reaction to this made him.

Sano bent to give one last fleeting kiss to her lips, "You really need to go to bed and get some sleep, you're going to have one hell of a hangover tomorrow, Jou-chan." he pulled the sleeves of her yukata back up to cover her shoulders. Honestly he knew she did need to get some sleep but what was more urgent was that she put some distance between them because at the moment Sanosuke was on fire. She looked beautifully disheveled and it was very hard for him not to defile her any further.

"Yeah, I think you're right." she said but instead of allowing him to walk her to her room she climbed into his futon.

_'You're really making this difficult for me.' he thought, as he took in the sight of her in __**his**_bed. Her hair fanned out around her, her clothes clung to her every curve due to the haphazard way she'd let her limbs fall.

Propriety dictated that he should sleep elsewhere and allow her to get the rest she needed or to carry her to her room. He weighed both options and decided he would just lift her and deposit her in her own futon. Bending down he carefully gathered her in his arms, walking next door to her room. She was already falling in and out of consciousness, the combination of exhaustion and sake proving to be a powerful sleep aid. Peeling back the sheets on her futon he placed her down gently, tucking the blankets around her. She sighed contentedly and he took that as his sign to get to his own room before their first kiss turned into something more. Sano was back in command of himself but every man had his breaking point and the woman before him could push him there so easily.

He rose to his feet, ready to take his leave, his hand on her door he stopped when she called to him.

"Sano" she all but mumbled.

"What is it, Jou-chan?"

"I had a good time tonight, thank you... for everything."

His answering smile was soft and tender, a far cry from the cocky smirk he usually wore.

"Go to sleep." he said, shutting the shoji behind him.

Making his way back to his own room, he quickly stripped off his shirt and his bandana he laid down heavily on his futon. It was still warm from her body and smelled like jasmine. He wished he could have slept in the same bed with her, just cradling her small body against his own but he knew tonight was already more than enough because whether he liked it or not things were now going to change between them, they couldn't go back to the way they once were.

They would never be the same again.

* * *

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I love it, it's about time! Things are really going to change between these two from now on as they are both forced to confront the feelings they have for each other head on. That will be much more of a task for Kaoru since it shatters everything she thought she knew about herself. Thank you all so much for waiting so patiently while I try to work out my story. Please review, let me know what you think! Until next time. :)


	14. Chapter 14

Hello Everyone!

I'm back! Please forgive me for my lengthy absence, life seems to get in the way of the things I truly wish to do such as writing another chapter of this story. I love this pairing and am dedicated to completing this story, slowly but surely. Not to worry, judging by my progress thus far we won't be seeing this story ending anytime soon.

Warning: There is some very harsh language in this chapter, I apologize if it offends anyone but you know how our Sanosuke can be -_-; In this chapter we will see what the results are, if any of the exciting activities from last chapter, we will catch up briefly with Kenshin and Sanosuke will get in trouble... as usual. So, please read on, if you still love me please review and let me know if you're still with me! Thanks so much!

_**Fire and Ice**_

Yahiko turned over, away from the light that filtered through his bedroom window. _'Just five more minutes'_ he told himself as he kicked one of his long, gangly legs out from beneath his sheets. His forehead creased in his sleep. He could not smell breakfast cooking which was odd, since Kenshin had left Sano always made something for all of them before he left for work. The young man grumbled before finally opening his eyes and rolling out of bed. He donned his yukata, getting irritated when his first attempt to get his arm in his sleeve did not work.

He shuffled down the hallways towards the kitchen, his mouth was dry from what the could only assume was him snoring all night, he needed a glass of water. He filled his glass with the cool, crystal clear liquid and downed it quickly. A small, satisfactory sigh fell from the boys lips as he placed the glass back down on the counter. It was then that he noticed the small piece of folded paper that lay on the table. Yahiko leaned down and picked it up, he unfolded it to see the haphazard script of Sanosuke etched across the paper.

'_Yahiko,_

_I'm positive you're the one reading this because there is no way Kaoru is awake yet. Do me a favor? Don't wake her up. She had a rough night, just let her sleep. You might want to call off her class for the I didn't have time to cook anything this morning, I woke up late for work. I left some money so you guys could go out and get something to eat if you wanted, go somewhere nice. I'll see you both when I get home._

_Sano.'_

"What does he mean she had a rough night?" the boy wondered aloud. He shrugged his shoulders and put the note back down where he found it next to the envelope that held the money he left. He knew Sano had asked him not to but he was interested to see what exactly had happened, he just had to know.

Yahiko crept silently back down the hallway towards his sensei and adopted sisters room. He slid the shoji back slowly and the first thing he noticed was the almost overpowering scent of alcohol. It took him no time to realize what must have happened. Kaoru was a competitive person by nature but when she drank that quality was exacerbated. If there was one person in the world Yahiko would never want to get into a drinking challenge with, it would be Sano but he was sure that did not stop Kaoru and now she was paying the price for it. He did not necessarily want to be around when she woke up. The headache alone she was sure to have would be enough to make her insufferable.

He turned to leave so that she could sleep off the rest of her liquor, he would have to leave a note on the dojo door to let everyone else know that there would be no class today... unless... Yahiko was certain that he would be able to conduct classes on his own. Kaoru deserved a day off anyway. with that thought in mind the boy returned to his room to dress, he grabbed his shinai and headed out to the dojo.

* * *

"Oi! Sano! You okay, man?"

The aforementioned youth spun at the sound of his boss's booming voice.

"Uh... yeah. I'm fine, just a little tired today. Nothing to worry about." he said, rubbing the back of his head nervously. It was true, he was tired but that was hardly the reason he was unable to keep his focus today. No, that had everything to do with the beautiful girl that he left at home this morning and the activities they had engaged in the night before. Sano couldn't sleep last night at all. All he could do was remember what it was like to kiss her. He had kissed Kaoru, felt her soft full lips pressed against his. He had tasted her very essence and now it was all he could do to try to remember anything that happened before that moment in time. She had let him kiss her willingly and she had liked it. She had told him so but as the euphoria of the moment began to wear off and the beautiful haze of alcohol burned away an unsettling anxiety began to take its place.

What would he do now? What would he say to her if she confronted him about it? Surely she would not be pleased if he were to tell her that he loved her, that he had been in love with her for the past year, possibly even longer. He was no fool, he knew that even now she still loved Kenshin more than any other despite his absence. It had only been a few weeks since he had left but Kaoru's heart was bound to him and there was nothing Sano could do to change that.

It was all he could think about, his head was swimming. Would she even remember? His heart clenched in his chest, he could not decide which would be worse. If she did not remember the moment they had shared together or if she did remember and told him it was a mistake. The tall youth felt sick to his stomach, he was just barely functioning but he didn't want to take a day off from work. The guys needed him to get this track laid down and the railroad finished.

Shouta's forehead creased in worry, he had never seen Sano act in this peculiar manner. Something was certainly wrong but it did not seem like the young man wished to speak about it. He placed his massive hand on the boys shoulder and gave him a reassuring squeeze.

"I think you ought to go home for the day, huh? You've done enough, they can carry on without you for one afternoon. Take the rest of the day off and rest over the weekend. You can pick up where you left off on Monday."

Sano looked at his boss for a short moment before he ran his hand down his face and nodded his head.

"Thanks, I guess I could do that. I just have a lot on my mind." he said, sounding more weary than he had felt in years.

Without another word Sano began packing up his tools and equipment, he threw his bag over his shoulder and gave a short wave towards his coworkers and his boss.

"Sano!" Shouta shouted as the man began to walk away.

He turned around but did not say anything.

"Is it woman trouble?" Shouta asked, knowing that he probably already knew the answer.

Sano let out a short laugh and shook his head, "You could call it that... but she isn't mine." he said before walking away heading in the direction of his home and for the first time he could remember he was not looking forward to seeing the woman he loved.

* * *

Kaoru began to stir early in the afternoon, the sun coming through her window was now too bright to ignore. Her head was pounding and her stomach was feeling extremely unsettled. Where the hell was she? What had she done last night?

She threw her elbow over her eyes and forced herself to recall what the cause for her discomfort was. She had spent her afternoon reading in her little piece of paradise that she discovered in the warmth of the sun until that rooster head had intruded, picked on her for her reading material and then they had gone to the Akabeko.

That's where it all started!

Sano had started drinking and insulted her drinking prowess. Kaoru was not one to back down from any challenge so she had readily fallen into a drinking challenge and now she could tell she was no where near up to par. How much had she had to drink? She had consumed at least two bottles on her own which considering how little she usually drank was a massive amount. No wonder she felt like death warmed over.

Though she wanted to, she knew she could not rightfully blame Sanosuke. She had gotten into this mess all on her own and in all honesty he had shown her a wonderful time. He had taken her out to a beautiful meal and then he had introduced her to a bar that completely demolished her preconceived notion of what a bar should be. She could just barely remember the walk home. Had she fallen?

No, she almost had but he had been there to catch her. In spite of herself she smiled, it seemed every time she went to fall lately Sano was there to catch her, to lift her up and put her back on solid ground. Removing her arm from where it lay across her eyes she opened them, blinking several times in order to try to get them to focus. Kaoru felt as if there was still some crucial event that she was failing to recall but it hurt to think so she did not push herself to remember right now. Everything would come back to her in good time, she had excellent drunken recall. Right now she needed to focus on getting her day started. It was going to be a serious undertaking to even get out of bed.

A sudden realization hit her forcing her to sit upright, the action caused her to become dizzy. She had a class to teach today and now she was late! Her students were probably sitting in the dojo right this minute confused as to why she wasn't there yet.

She dressed as quickly as she could manage with her head pounding the way that it was and soon she found herself rushing down the hallway towards the dojo. She could hardly believe how irresponsible she had been, this was not really like her but she could not deny that it had been fun. Kaoru turned the corner into the dojo and to her surprise all of her students were in attendance but they were not just sitting idly waiting for their sensei, instead they were all sparring with one another and Yahiko was at the head of the class, shouting instructions and corrections as necessary. Everything was running as smoothly as if she had been here the entire time conducting class. To say she was impressed was an understatement, she was astounded that Yahiko was able to instruct the class without her guidance completely.

She took a seat next to him without a word, she just watched their pupils fight one another, taking note of their form.

Yahiko was the first to break their silence, "How ya feeling?"

A small smile cracked the young woman's face, "How did you know I wasn't feeling well?" she asked with genuine curiosity.

The younger boy shrugged, "Sano left a note. He said not to wake you and that I should probably cancel class for the day but I figured I should try to handle it." he said off handedly. In truth, he was rather impressed with himself for doing so well.

Kaoru let that information sink in. Sano had taken the time to write Yahiko a note before he left not to disturb her so that she could get her rest. He must have known how awful she would feel this morning. It was very considerate of him.

"He didn't make anything for lunch but he left us some money. Are you hungry? Do you want to go to the Akabeko later?" Yahiko asked, he knew Kaoru may not feel like eating right now but it was the best thing for her.

Kaoru grimaced, the thought of food made her stomach turn violently.

"Maybe... I think I should try drinking some tea to calm my stomach first."

The boy nodded, agreeing that it would probably be the best course of action. "Why don't you go do that? Take a bath too, I've got this under control."

She smiled widely at that, "Thanks, I guess you really are worth something!" she said as she rose from her place on the floor.

The boy growled a warning at her but did not say anything further. Yelling might cause her headache to get worse which meant she would be more violent than usual. He didn't need her to beat him down in front of everyone.

Kaoru set off to the kitchen to fix herself a cup of ginger tea in an attempt to settle her stomach. After that she headed over to the bathhouse to scrub herself clean and hopefully try to salvage the rest of her day.

* * *

The dimunitive samurai walked down the bustling city streets of Shanghai doing his best to go undetected which was nigh impossible considering his bright red hair made him stick out like a sore thumb. Saitou had decided it would be best if the two split up since he would be unable to do any detective work with a shining beacon like Kenshin around. So now he found himself walking alone in a city he did not know searching for someone who likely had eyes and ears all over the country let alone the main bustling cities.

He took note of everyone he saw and though things in this country seemed strange, he had no run across anyone he would deem a suspicious figure.

Kenshin was beginning to think this entire operation was worthless, perhaps all of the intelligence the police had gathered had been a cleverly planned ruse by the syndicate. It was Kenshin's understanding that the police had tried to gather information from Enishi but he wouldn't talk, he was still lost to the world trying to reconcile the feelings he had now that he had found out the truth about the love his sister had once held for Kenshin.

A gentle smile settled upon his lips at the thought of Tomoe. She had not crossed his mind very often since the incident with Enishi, the battle had brought a small bit of closure to him. He missed her gentle nature, the pure femininity that exuded from her being. How ironic that he had fallen for a woman so completely different years later and yet he still could not let himself get too close to her. Too many times already he had put Kaoru's life in danger. He made that mistake once before, he refused to repeat it.

Kenshin gave an inconspicuous nod to a man lurking in the shadows near a soba shop. For being one of the most famous samurai in the Bakamatsu Kenshin was impressed by how little attention Saitou could bring to himself. Had he not faced the man in battle multiple times in the past he would not even have given him a second glance not that many people here in Shanghai would be able to identify him. However, those few who could identify him, those unsavory individuals that they were pursuing wouldn't notice him either.

The small rurouni wondered if his letter had made its way to the loved ones he had left behind yet. He knew that sending the letter could prove to be a grievous error but he just couldn't bear the thought of Kaoru brooding and worrying herself to death over him. At least it would prove to set her mind at ease, that he was alive and well.

Kenshin walked down the alley to his left, hoping to find whatever it was they seemed to be searching for...

* * *

The walk home took Sano's bad day and made it much worse. His walk home was taking twice as long as it usually would not only because he was nervous about facing Kaoru but also because for the first time in a long time he had run into some trouble along the way.

As the youth walked across the bridge into Tokyo's main marketplace he had accidentally bumped into a rather large, burly man who was none too pleased to have some scrawny kid jostling him. Sano tried to continue on his way but he was stopped.

The other man growled, teeth clenched he grabbed Sanosuke by the front of his shirt. "Ain't you gonna apologize for that you runt?" he said, his putrid breath fanning out across Sano's face.

The youth turned his head to the side in an attempt to get away from the other man's stench. "Ugh... have you ever heard of a toothbrush buddy? You could knock out a horse with the breath you've got."

Shock and rage flittered across the other man's face in quick succession and Sano took this opportunity to dislodge himself from the grasp on his shirt.

"What did you say you piece of trash?" he roared at Sano, his face becoming red as his anger continued to build.

His two cohorts that were flanking him, were unusually quiet, Sano noticed. Usually when he ran into these sorts of guys they were all boisterous and obnoxious, each one would make snide remarks and comments to goad each other on, but these two were completely silent and they looked extremely uncomfortable. Sano wondered if they might have run into them before.

'_Good_' he thought to himself, _'at least they learned their lesson the first time if I beat them.'_

The taller of the two finally spoke up, "Hey Hiroshi, I don't think you should mess with him." his voice was quiet.

The massive man laughed, "You asking me to back down, Kano? That just ain't gonna happen. I gotta teach kids like this a lesson."

Sano was trying to keep his temper under control but this guy just wouldn't quit and he certainly didn't have any qualms putting someone in their place, especially considering the mood he was in today. It might even help a little to blow off some steam. Maybe beating this guy down was just what he needed to get his mind back on track.

He cracked his knuckles as his cocky grin slid into place on his handsome face, "I can assure you, my man that I'm no kid. The name's Sagara Sanosuke but you might know me better as Zanza." he said, his old moniker sliding off his tongue feeling as natural now as it did then.

Sano noted the glint of understanding that lit up the other man's eyes, "So you're the one everyone used to make all the fuss about. Where ya been? Rumor is you've gone soft, that you went straight again."

Sano shrugged at the man's clear accusation, in the underworld it was a very big deal if you left the life of a gangster and tried to live straight again, like a normal person. It was considered a betrayal.

"Yeah I'm trying to clean my life up, got someone I want to be good for..." he stretched his arms high above his head then brought them back down and rolled his shoulders, "As for whether or not I've gone soft, you can be the judge of that. I'll even give you the first shot."

An uproarious laugh escaped the other man's throat and he nearly doubled over as it shook through his entire body.

"That's just great kid, you really are a riot. You're not going to be so cocky when I smear your face all over the street for all these people to see." he said, looking around at the crowd that had begun to gather around their little group.

"Che, we'll see. Now put up or shut up old man, I've got places to go and people to see."

The smaller, fatter man who had yet to speak finally spoke up "Don't do it boss, he's the one. That's the guy that took us out last month." he whispered urgently and his voice shook.

Sano was just barely able to make out what he had said and it only took a moment more before he recognized both of those goons. They were the same guys that had assaulted Kaoru the night he had gone to the bar.

He laughed bitterly, "I didn't even recognize you over there! I got you good, didn't I? Didn't your nose used to be in the middle of your face? You bastard." he said to the little man before turning to address the man he was currently dealing with. "Well, if you're anything like those two were this will be a walk in the park."

"So you're the asshole that did this to my guys? You're in for it now." Hiroshi swung at Sano, landing a devastating blow to the side of his face. Sano was pushed backwards about a foot or so but was able to stay on his feet.

Sano righted himself, he turned his head to spit and ran the back of his hand across his mouth. He brought the appendage to his face and scoffed, "Seriously? You didn't even make me bleed and I gave you a free shot. Just pathetic..." he taunted.

"No, you know what's pathetic is a street fighter like you going soft for some girl. That's right the boys told me how worked up you got over that little piece of tail. Would be a shame if something happened to her, wouldn't it Zanza?"

"If you, or any one of your goons lays a finger on that girl you're all dead. Every last one of you, you got that?" Sano grit out, his body beginning to shake with the rage that boiled up within him. It was low for this guy to drag Kaoru into this. It had nothing to do with her. It never had anything to do with her, she was the innocent in all of this, always had been. She was the one that had been assaulted while trying to walk the streets of her hometown, she had never done anyone harm.

"Sure, sure, I hear ya... but you know they did tell me she was a looker. What was her name again? I think they said it was Kamiya Kaoru, that girl that owns the dojo on the other side of town. She could fetch me a pretty penny on the black market. I might just have to ignore that little warning you..."

The man's taunt was cut short as Sanosuke kicked him square in the face. Several teeth fell to the ground and blood began to run from his ruined mouth. Sano was on him his hands fisted in the fabric of the mans shirt, his face just a hairs breath away from the other man's.

"If you don't fucking shut your mouth right now I will tear out your tongue and you'll never be able to threaten another person again." he hissed unable to control his fury a moment longer. He was tired of everyone threatening to hurt Kaoru. She had never done anything wrong to anyone. It wasn't right, they should be threatening him, not her. "You keep her name out of your fucking mouth do you understand? You aren't worthy to speak it."

The crowd gawked at the scene before them and it seemed that the older man refused to give up without a fight. He obviously did not want the people present to go off and tell their friends what they saw today.

He was able to dislodge Sano from his perch on top of him and he landed another direct hit to his face. This time Sano's lip was was busted open.

Sano exploded, "Dammit! Assholes like you just don't quit do you? Why can't you leave good people in this world alone? I'm gonna kill you!"

Sano tackled the man again, unfortunately he used a little too much force and he sent both of them toppling over the railing of the bridge. Both men fell down towards the river, still grappling on the way down.

A massive splash was all anyone saw for several moments, the spectators waited with bated breath to see if either man would surface. Finally Hiroshi broke from the waters surface, his right hand gripped the hair on the top of Sanosuke's head as he hoisted the boy out of the water only to punch him in the face again.

The tawny haired youth sank into the murky water once again and this time he did not resurface. some of the women in the crowd began to cry, unable to truly believe what they just witnessed. Hiroshi threw his arms into the air and let out a celebratory victory cry. His two henchmen clapped vigorously, thoroughly impressed by their boss's fighting prowess. He had accomplished what they had been unable to do. He had defeated Zanza.

"It's a little early to be celebrating, don't you think?"

Hiroshi turned to look behind him, his eyes wide in disbelief. How had this kid not drowned?

Sanosuke grabbed one of Hiroshi's arms with his own and brought his leg up, kicking his arm right at the elbow. A sickening snap was heard before Hiroshi began to scream, a guttural, blood curdling sound that caused several people to cover their ears.

"I'd like to see you touch her now, you bastard!" Sano yelled, grabbing the man's injured limb again and twisting it. "Does it hurt? I hope it does. Next time you think about hurting someone innocent you remember what this feels like, you remember my face and you remember what I can do to you!"

"Stop!" a very loud, commanding voice shouted over the rest of the noise.

Both men stopped what they were doing and turned to see several police officers and the police chief surrounding them by the riverside, their swords drawn.

"Don't move, you're both under arrest for disturbing the peace. Surrender quietly or we will be forced to take drastic measures."

Sano stood still but cursed under his breath, this wasn't going to be good. He didn't even want to think about how pissed off Kaoru was going to be. It had been nearly a year since he had gotten into any sort of trouble for street fighting outside of the night he defended her.

Hiroshi grunted from his place next to Sanosuke, "All this over some stupid little cunt..." he said.

"Shut up!" Sano's hand flew from his side before he could realize what he was doing and knocked out the rest of Hiroshi's front teeth. In the next moment he felt a searing pain in his right shoulder and he fell to his knees in the shallow water.

He watched as drops of crimson began to fall to the murky water below and he knew without looking that it was his. He had made a sudden move and the police had reacted, they were only doing their job but they were manhandling the wrong guy in his opinion. He wasn't the dangerous party here, it was Hiroshi.

"Now we can add resisting arrest to your charges." said the police chief.

"I wasn't resisting! Look, I'll come along quietly if you just tell that bastard to keep his mouth shut."

"Watch your mouth son." one of the policeman said as they hauled Sano up and on to his feet none too gently. Both men were escorted from the scene and soon they were on their way to the police station.

One small girl among the throng of spectators bit her lip nervously as she watched the two men get carted away. She twisted her hands in front of her, she knew what she had to do now. Turning away from everyone else she began running to the dojo, she had to tell them what had happened.

* * *

Kaoru glanced impatiently at the gate for what she could only imagine was the hundredth time that evening. It just wasn't like him and as much as it confused her to think of that man as reliable, he was. She almost scoffed, she never thought Sanosuke could be reliable but he had proven himself to be so.

Sanosuke had not been late getting home once since Kenshin had left them all which only made her anxiety grow stronger as the minutes ticked by. What if he had decided that he did not want to be around as well? Kaoru didn't think she would be able to withstand two of the men in her life walking out on her. The longer she sat the angrier she got as well. Why would he keep her waiting like this?

'_He better have a damn good excuse.'_ she thought as her eyes trailed to the gate again. She never wanted anything more than to see his spiky hair from over the tops of the gate and watch his boyish smile as he walked through them, apologizing all the while for being as late as he was.

She turned back to the needlepoint she was trying to focus on to pass the time. Although she was not very good at it she found it a welcome escape, a calming activity she could do while letting her mind wander but she could barely make any progress with the way her hands were shaking.

She took a deep, cleansing breath in an attempt to soothe her jagged nerves. She closed her eyes as a sweet breeze drifted across the porch and it was then that she heard someone fumbling with the locks on the front gate. Kaoru stood and rushed to the gate, in moments she had the locks dislodged and she threw the door back, hoping that it would be her wayward friend finally home. She just wanted to know he was okay.

However, she was greeted by a nearly breathless Tsubame. The young girls chest heaved with her breaths and her bangs stuck to her forehead and the sweat that collected there.

"Tsubame-chan! What are you doing here?" She asked while ushering the young girl through the gates. "Is everything okay?"

Tsubame shook her head in the negative, that everything was certainly not okay but she had yet to catch her breath to relay her message.

Kaoru guided her to the kitchen table and into a vacant seat. She got her a glass of water and set it down in front of her small friend. Yahiko walked into the kitchen not a moment later and instantly he was by Tsubame's side.

"Tsubame! What happened? Are you okay? Is everything alright at the Akabeko? Are you hurt?" The young man asked several questions in rapid succession, all his words running together as his hands searched her person for any injuries.

The brown eyed girl shook her head again and now she finally felt she would be able to speak.

"I'm fine, nothing happened to me... but... Mr. Sanosuke..." she began, then faltered, unsure of how she should proceed in breaking the news. She was frightened of Kaoru's reaction but she was also worried for Sanosuke. He had been injured by the policeman, she had seen his blood.

Kaoru was on her knees in front of the girl, on the opposite side of Yahiko. She grabbed Tsubame's hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze. "What about Sano?" she asked much calmer than she actually felt, "What happened to him? Where is he?"

Tsubame cleared her throat, "He... he got into a fight, Ms. Kaoru... but it wasn't his fault! This big man just started yelling at him and then they were fighting. Eventually the police came and they both got arrested. The police..." she began sniffling, trying to fight back the tears. "They told him not to move and then he did... they stabbed him."

Yahiko's breath caught in his throat. He took Tsubame's free hand and ran his thumb across the back of it in slow circles, he hoped it would prove to be reassuring for her. "How badly was he hurt? Is he still alive? " he asked her.

"Yes, yes! He's still alive but he was bleeding..."

"Why did they start fighting? What happened?"

She just shook her head, unable or unwilling to speak about the incident any further.

Kaoru said nothing but moved to the front door and began to slip on her shoes.

"Kaoru, where are you going?"

"Someone has to go bail that stupid roosterhead out." she said as she grabbed the pouch of money she had that contained all of her savings. She was certain that when she returned home none of it would be left but at least she would have the one person that still cared about her back.

* * *

Sano sat against the far wall of his cell on the cold, concrete floor. He stared up at the leaking ceiling his eyes unfocused and unseeing. He didn't know if it was better or worse that the wolf wasn't around right now, he knew he would have had to deal with far more taunting but at least he could have interrogated him about Kenshin. Sanosuke knew that Saitou's absence meant he was with Kenshin, he had known all along what sort of mission the filthy government had Kenshin trying to do. Now he did not know how he could obtain the information to find Kaoru's wayward Rurouni. He hated the idea that the words he spoke to her that day may have been a lie. Sano would not allow that to happen, if he could not find Kenshin then he pledged to stay by Kaoru's side until he returned. He would not leave her, he would not abandon her, even if she were to spend every single day screaming at him that she hated him he would not go.

He wondered if she knew by now where he ended up today. For once, Sano could honestly say the fight had not been his fault. Hiroshi started that one all on his own and it would not have escalated as far as it had if he had just shut his mouth when Sano told him to. If Kaoru's name had never passed the other man's lips Sanosuke would never have lost control in the way he did but he just could not sit back and listen as Hiroshi threatened the woman he loved.

The man absently fingered the gauze wrapping around his shoulder, the blood had begun to soak through. The injury still stung but it was not terrible. Sano was aware he had been lucky, had the police truly wanted to debilitate him they could have tried to sever a tendon or something worse. Then he would never be able to properly defend Kaoru. He shook his head, he did not want to imagine a world in which he could not care for her. He refused to allow that to happen.

"Sagara, you've got a visitor." the policeman that guarded the prisoners called.

Sano got to his feet and brushed the debris from his pants. His heart was beating wildly in his chest. This was the first time since their kiss the evening before that he would see her. Did she remember? Was she angry with him for getting himself thrown in jail? Would she want anything to do with him?

His breath caught in his throat when she rounded the corner heading towards his cell. She was wearing her light purple yukata, the one that had delicate pink butterflies adorning it and he noted instantly that she had left her hair down. It was not in the customary ponytail that she usually wore, instead her ribbon was wrapped around her head, creating a bow that was off center and slightly to the right. She looked beautiful and sweet, innocent in a way. The set of her mouth let him know that she was definitely angry but for what he could not determine. Was it the previous evenings actions or the fact that he had been arrested?

The young woman gave a short bow to the policeman then turned to face Sano. He saw her look to his injured shoulder, somehow she had already known about it. "What were you thinking roosterhead? You aren't a kid anymore, you can't just get into a fight every time you have an argument with someone." she began by chastising him.

Sano's expression went from unsure to indignant in a second flat, "I didn't start it! I tried to keep walking but the asshole wouldn't budge. What else could I do?" he yelled, his hands flying into the air. He instantly regretted the gesture as the searing pain in his shoulder reminded him of his injury. "Damn." he hissed against the pain.

Kaoru's heart clenched in her chest at the sight of his pain. She did not want to see Sanosuke in pain but she was very cross with him. He needed to grow up, he couldn't just beat everyone to a pulp every time he disagreed with them.

"It doesn't matter, Sano. You need to stop being so immature, think before you act." she continued, she was honestly disappointed in his behavior. She thought he was beyond this, everything had been going so well until now.

The young man's mouth twisted into an angry frown, "Why are you always so quick to judge me, Jou-chan? You call me immature, you tell me to stop fighting but you don't ask me what happened. You don't care to know why I felt the need to fight. If it were Kenshin in here I doubt you would be doing the same thing." he grit out, hurt and angry that she was treating him this way. It had been for her, was he supposed to just stand there while the other man spouted off at the mouth about selling her into some sex ring. He couldn't and he wouldn't.

Kaoru's mouth dropped open at his words, "Kenshin only fought when he had to Sanosuke and you know it. How dare you try to put your street fights on the same level as his battles. He fought when it was a life or death situation, you fight anytime you get the chance!" she yelled back, she didn't care what his reasoning was it surely was not as justifiable as any of Kenshin's reasons.

Sano shook his head, if she only knew the sick twisted things that Hiroshi had said about her, the names he called her then maybe she would understand but he could see from the set of her jaw and the fire in her eyes that she would not even try to listen. "Why are you here?" he asked, his patience now paper thin. If she only came down here to chastise him then he wanted her to leave, he'd be more than happy to spend a few days in the slammer if it meant not having to listen to this nonsense.

"What do you mean why am I here? I came to bail you out, stupid. Trust me, it isn't going to be cheap either. They told me that you resisted arrest."

"I did not! The bastard I fought with wouldn't shut up so i did it for him, they thought I was resisting and that's where I got this nasty little trophy." he said, removing his shirt to show her the bloody bandages that covered his right shoulder.

Kaoru was slightly disturbed when her temperature rose at the sight of Sanosuke's bare chest. She was being an idiot, she had seen him without a shirt on countless times so why was she reacting like this? She let out a shaky breath, "Whatever, I'm getting you out of here. Just stay here and be quiet!"

The young man made the gesture of zipping his lips shut before allowing his cocky grin to slide onto his face. Sure, Kaoru was mad now but she wouldn't stay that way. She rarely held onto her anger and he would certainly pay her back the money she was using to bail him out. After that, they would be squared away and things would get back to normal.

The raven haired woman walked away feeling rather unsteady on her feet, when she had looked upon him just then, even though he was bloody and filthy, even though he was hardly apologetic for what he had done she had felt the almost overwhelming urge to kiss him. She grimaced, she could not imagine what that would be like. She shook her head, banishing the thought as she walked back into the lobby so she could pay his bail and then they could leave.

* * *

"Here you go." The boy said as he handed a steaming mug to the young girl, "Be careful, it's hot."

"Thank you." she said, smiling sweetly at the dark haired boy.

Yahiko and Tsubame sat on the front steps of the porch awaiting the return of their older friends. He had prepared her a cup of tea to calm her jagged nerves. It seemed witnessing the fight between Sano and the street thug was a bit too much for her to handle.

"Was it really that bad, Tsubame?" he inquired, Yahiko knew she had witnessed countless bar fights before, that came with the territory when you worked in an establishment that served alcohol but he had never seen her react in this way.

She nodded her head, "The things that man said about Kaoru-dono, they were awful. He called her terrible names... he said... he said that he could make good money if he sold her on the black market." tears began to trail their way down her cheeks.

Yahiko's fists balled into fists by his side, he could see why Sanosuke had done what he had. If Yahiko had heard someone speaking that way about Kaoru he knew he would have done the same thing.

Tsubame continued, "The other man said it was pathetic that Sanosuke-san had gone soft for some girl, he got so angry every time he talked about her. Yahiko-kun, I think... I think Sanosuke-san may be in love with Kaoru-dono."

Yahiko could not contain the incredulous look that settled on his youthful face. Sano in love with Kaoru? It just didn't make sense, it went against everything he understood about the world. Kenshin loved Kaoru, Sanosuke just made fun of her a lot.

"No way." he said, waving a hand in a dismissive gesture in the air. "All he ever does is call her ugly or a racoon girl. He teases her all the time about her gross cooking, there is just no way Tsubame."

The young girl downcast her eyes, looking into the murky liquid that was held in her tea cup. Even though Yahiko completely disagreed, she did not doubt her assumption. Whether Yahiko realized it or not, Sanosuke-san had a fire inside of him that burned solely for Kaoru-dono and the thought only made her heart ache for him. He did not stand a chance against Kenshin-san, his absence didn't mean anything to Kaoru-dono, she only had eyes for him. It seemed no one could truly be happy in this scenario.

Yahiko frowned when he realized he must of hurt her feelings, "Hey, I'm not saying you're wrong... I just can't see those two ever having feelings for each other Kaoru's head over heels for Kenshin."

"Maybe you're right, Yahiko-kun..." she said just to appease the boy.

The two youths looked up as they heard some rustling at the gate followed by Sano's boisterous voice.

"Geez, woman! Will you stop nagging me already? I said I was sorry, I'm gonna pay you back, now can you please be quiet?"

"Excuse me! Don't you dare, Sagara Sanosuke after all I have done for you. I came all the way down to the station to bail your sorry butt out of there and this is the thanks I get? If you would start listening to me for once this kind of nonsense wouldn't happen." she shouted, pushing past him into the courtyard, stomping her feet the whole way like a child having a temper tantrum.

Sano rolled his eyes and let go of an exasperated sigh, she had chastised him the entire way home. He didn't understand how she could keep talking without her jaw getting tired. He was this close to tearing off his own ears so he didn't have to listen to it anymore. He was dirty, tired, hungry and in pain. All he wanted was some food and sleep, she would not even grant him that.

"Just shut up..." he muttered under his breath before he came to a stop next to her.

Though she heard him clearly, she acted as if he did not hear his snide remark. Rearing her hand back she smacked him on the back of his shoulder. "Why don't you go get cleaned up, hm?"

The tall ex-gangster ground his teeth together against the sharp pain that tore through him. He didn't dare open his mouth again, for all he knew she might do something worse and he didn't have the energy to fight off a rabid raccoon after the day he'd had.

He silently walked off in the direction of the bath house, a hand gingerly rubbing his shoulder the whole way.

The spiky haired boy grimaced, "You weren't too hard on him were you Kaoru?" he asked hesitantly, he knew the truth behind Sano's little street fight today. He had been defending her honor and he would hate to know that she yelled at him after all he had done for her.

Kaoru puffed her chest out, "He deserved it Yahiko! He needs to grow up, all he ever does is fight and I'm tired of having to bail him out every time."

The boy exploded, rising to his feet he shouted at her, his irritation with her hitting an all time high. "No, why don't you grow up Kaoru? You act more like a child then he ever does, moping around when you don't get your way and constantly pointing the finger at others. Take a look at yourself for once, he was defending you today. Those thugs threatened you, that's why Sanosuke lost his temper because they were going to hurt _you_! You think all he does is think about himself? Sorry, but you're the only one around here that seems to do that." he finished pushing past her to walk out the gates. He needed to take a walk to cool his head before he said anything else. The teenager was positive he had hurt her but it was necessary for her to hear.

Tsubame looked at the gate wide eyed for a moment before her eyes met Kaoru's. The older woman didn't seem to be seeing though her eyes were focused on the gate, looking after the place where her adopted brother had stormed off. Tsubame rose to her feet, gave Kaoru a short nod and followed after Yahiko.

A cold breeze swept across the courtyard, even though the day had been warm a chill ran through her body as her longer, ebony hair swirled around her.

Maybe Yahiko was right and in a way so was Sanosuke. She was the one that still acted like a child, she was no more mature than any of them. Kaoru still acted like a little girl, making excuses for herself and for the one she favored the most, Kenshin. She still stood by what she said in a way, Kenshin did not engage in simple fist fights just for the fun of it but Sanosuke had not done that in quite some time either. She had just assumed that was what had occurred before she ever gave him a chance to explain and what had Yahiko said, that Sano had been defending her? Who cares what some thug said about her, he could have just walked away. However, if it were her and someone had insulted Kenshin or any one of her friends she would not have been able to do so. She would have stood her ground, she would have fought and for the first time she was able to recognize just how much she and her volatile friend had in common.

Kaoru reached to the top of her head and pulled at the bow, releasing her ribbon allowing her hair to be completely free. She retreated into the house in search of bandages and antiseptic, the prison doctor had done a terrible job of dressing his wound but to them, Sano was just an outlaw, why would they bother to care about him? She would help him bandage the wound, just as she had the night he had badly injured his hand. That had been for her sake as well. Had she always been this inconsiderate when it came to Sanosuke? Did she always put Kenshin above him? She felt ashamed of that now, it seemed that Kenshin clouded her thoughts quite often, and it was all her fault.

Retrieving the items that she was in search of she headed back out to the bathhouse, by now Sano was probably washed up and she could bandage him up before he went to bed. When she reached the door to the bathhouse she hesitated, what if he did not accept her help? He would be justified, of course, but she hoped he would at least let her do this much, to try to make up for the trouble she had caused him today and for all of the complaining she had done.

She knocked on the door sharply, "Sano, are you finished in there?" She received no response and felt a dull ache begin in her heart. Maybe he was really angry with her. She knocked again and still he did not respond.

Now she was angry, at the very least he should be thankful that she had come to bail him out, whether he was going to pay her back or not. "That's it! I'm coming in!" she shouted before shoving the door open and entering.

* * *

Every time I think of letting up on the tension between these two I tend to make it worse but I'm such a fan of angst. I know it's easier for me to leave it with Kaoru not remembering the kiss between them but it seems like her subconscious is trying to give her a few clues.

Kenshin seems to still be wandering around aimlessly... O.o

And poor Sanosuke, will I ever just let him be happy? Who knows! Please review! It's my only real motivation in life. Thanks for all who read!


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